I’m so sorry and I understand the frustration and devastation! This is a life altering disease, a roller coaster of hell, if you will… Remicade was my first and only TNF inhibitor and I’m grateful it is working, but the fear never goes away…. The one positive for all of us is that several newer drugs have been developed, with different mechanisms of action. They scare me, too, but my doctor taught me to focus on benefits vs. risks. So I take it one day at a time and try to be grateful that the good days now outnumber the bad ones… and my GI doc stays on top of it should things get bad again… 🙏🏻. I wish you the best and a very long remission!