I was disabled by a stroke on Christmas Eve, 2018.

In the past five years, I've tried to stay positive as I've fought unbelievable pain, isolation, exhaustion, and other problems.

People tell me my story is inspiring, which is nice. It has led to being featured on SilverSneakers Live about a year ago. My 5 minute interview:

I have also given talks at a couple of places, and I want to do more of them.

That helps me feel somewhat useful, and when I regain some small ability so I can help out my wife a bit, that helps too.

But there are bad days, when the pain is overwhelming, I feel ancient, my emails are ignored, I haven't slept for days, and nothing seems worth the effort.

I just try to endure. I think that in a day or so I'll feel better, someone will invite me to give a talk, or seek my input, or my health will improve in some small way.

It's worked so far. I hope it keeps working. Five years is a long time, and I still have a long way to go.

I look at it this way: What have I got to lose? If I don't get offers to give a talk, I'll try someone else. If I feel bad, I can (usually) at least try to make someone else feel better.

Being an extreme introvert, it's really hard to put myself out there, but I do it anyway. What's the worst that can happen? I'll be rejected? I already am. Strangers won't like me? That's no different from what's happening now. I'll lose a friend? Then they weren't friends to begin with.

And if I make somebody's day by encouraging them, or just giving them a lift, or helping them feel they're not forgotten -- how can I *not* feel good about that?