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Husband With Slow Cognitive Decline: So sad & confused
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Mar 15 12:56pm | Replies (110)Comment receiving replies
I’m new and feel so comforted. You love, and that’s a big deal to hear. You’ve experienced all the grueling changes I’ve seen. I thought he was dead this year when he disappeared one night in freezing weather with just a t-shirt. I thought if we hired a nurse and a chef (!) we could stay here together. We didn’t do that, and now I regret it. We - carried on longer than we should have. One of you said that a Mayo Clinic doctor recommended that they hire whatever services they could and enjoy the times that were left to them. DO IT. Take the care you need to keep going. It is tremendously hard on the ground. You will know when you’ve hit the wall. Look for what’s best out there, and just leave a deposit so you can enjoy the best of times when you’ll BOTH get the care you need. That’s hard in lots of ways too. You love. Bottom line! — “the best of the best” (that’s what I call the HIM I miss)
Replies to "I’m new and feel so comforted. You love, and that’s a big deal to hear. You’ve..."
@bestofthebest and @scupper Welcome to Mayo ClinicConnect! I’m so glad you found this site and that it helps you. Let’s ask some of the other members if they will return and share their tips and thoughts and feeling. @marye2 @pattyinal @maryvc @meitsjustme
Please check out the other discussions in the Caregivers support group! They are also a wealth of information. Some examples are: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/husband-diagnosed-mci./. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregiving-for-dementia-sufferers/.
May I ask how you found Connect?
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I am also new to the Mayo site and see that much of this activity was last spring. Hopefully, others will rejoin the conversations. Like so many, the symptoms were evident well before a diagnosis. Some days I was convinced I was imagining changes...other days, I just knew. We have an MCI diagnosis and at this point I am not interested in further testing. He is 80yo, on medication that may slow the trajectory of the disease, and the progression is uneven. I did begin journaling a year ago and am trying to journal more often. It is a better chronicle of where he is than anything a doctor can tell you. My friend told me that no doctor can tell you what to do or when to do it because (s)he is not living with this diagnosis every day...it is easy for them to say "go live your life and find some joy together"...wonderful advice unless your spouse is having daily meltdowns! I am struggling with anger issues and how to maintain a sense of calm because that makes the days go better. At some point, perhaps, you stop trying to control this diagnosis, and let the anger and disappointment go...but that feeling of losing yourself can be overwhelming. There are statistics that point out the extremely high number of spouses also diagnosed with dementia...stress of being a caregiver? sharing of life styles over years?
Are you familiar with Teepa Snow work? She has videos on Utube, books and lots of training pieces that are very helpful. She also does some good work around stages.