Hello Ladies, I often feel ashamed that I allowed my problems which were minor compared to others to send me into the pit of depression, but I believe when we are prone to depression or carry the genes of others who were depressed, we find ourselves in our first bout of depression before we realize what has happened to us. I had my first major depression in my 20s and it lasted for two years. It has never totally gone away, but I now know more about living with it. When I was in the hospital, they administered Insulin Shock (no longer legal) for three weeks. When I was released, I came out with all sorts of meds. I was still so depressed and felt they were not helping (of course, I could have been wrong and probably was), but I made the decision to no longer see my doctor or take my meds. Never try quitting cold turkey as I did ..... talk about being sick. Anyway, I survived and finally began to function again. Today I take a small dose of Paxil for anxiety so I can sleep without nightmares. I am calmer now than I can ever remember being, but some of you may not like why, but it has been my only answer. I gave my life to God and trust him to do with it whatever he wants. I am his. There is a little sad place deep inside, but I have learned to live with it. I think it comes from memories that can't be undone. However, I have forgiven myself and others and blame no one. We must let it go, but I can't do that without my Heavenly Father.