I wish I had answers for you. But I have and am going thro some of the same. My son after recently moving back home brought with him a drug addict girl friend ..who adding to our already exciting problems with my abusive ex , his father. Is best friends with him. She is toxic. I had to throw her out of my home after 2 months of living here, of course. The same it's my fault...This type of person doesn't change. Just because they are out children does not make them wonderful human beings.. It makes them people ..there core being is who they are. I am older too, the same have and given him money, savings...we have to realize They aren't go I g to change. We need to stop Our Guilt trips that's what we need to do...good luck , we need it.