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Thoughts on how chronic pain impacts empathy and compassion
Chronic pain is awful. I have been dealing with pain in my jaw, teeth and face for more years than I can count. It can make me feel crazy. I assume that I'm like many who deal with chronic pain; it alters my mood and impacts the way that I interact with the world. When pain is present, which unfortunately lately is quite often, I am sullen, anxious, abrupt, and eager to be alone. When I am pain-free, I am more pleasant, fun, and engaging. Since we cannot easily see physical pain in others, it is tough to know when someone is wrestling with it. But I am realizing that the one lesson this chronic pain has taught me is to be more empathetic and compassionate to others who are suffering with pain in some invisible way. Pain makes people do strange things. It may be the person who lashes out verbally or the person who does not say thank you when you hold a door open or the person who won't let you merge on the highway or the rude store clerk...but whoever it is, they are wrestling with something unseen, maybe it's physical pain or maybe it's a different kind of pain they are dealing with, just like I am and perhaps just like you. I am no saint... but I am trying to begin to learn to practice empathy and compassion. When I see you out there struggling with something, I want to say that I understand and you are not alone. I do that by holding open a door for you or saying good morning. It is not easy to always remember to do this, but I try. We are all struggling in some way, aren't we? For me, it helps to know that others understand me and my pain battle, I suspect that I am not alone in this. I will hold the elevator for you and I will let you merge in traffic in front of me anytime. Will you do that for someone else? I hope this helps someone who needs to know that others see their pain and they are not alone.
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After pain was chronic and with me for some time, I did realize more than ever this. Two things that express heart and kindness in matters of human contact.
When someone else is hurting, we will not see it. Let’s face it, people don’t know, truly know unless they walk in your shoes for a while or know about different types of suffering...Perhaps one of my favorite expressions.
A person could well be blind. Because unless it touches you personally in some way or other you just don’t know..,
So yes. Do be empathetic and compassionate. When I treat people in this way, it may open the door for them to see in their pain or suffering (suffering physical or other)that others are simply:: KIND.
The kindness offered by others has brought me to tears. It is sweet, touching and heartfelt. A good thing. In this world of forgetfulness, it is a good reminder to think of each other and consider we all have invisible pains and to have a heart.
♥️
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9 ReactionsThese are lovely thoughts.
There are two simple things I want my doc to have when I present with pain that persists but the doc doesn’t know about the what or why.
I want my doc to be intellectually curious about it and help me find out more.
And I want the doc to be compassionate and understanding.
Getting older does bring more aches and pains and we seniors understand that.
But not all our pain is just a product of aging. Some of us have pain that isn’t just typical aging and we go to a doc to care and to help us.
Mayo began from a philosophy of caring and medical problem solving and it’s the best place to be for help.
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10 ReactionsThis is so good and well said. Thank you.
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5 ReactionsWell said.
I've noticed that people who have chronic pain (and other diseases such as cancer) can be some of the most appreciative, kind, sensitive and helpful people to others who suffer from the same issues.
I've also noticed the opposite in others.
From from own journey with chronic pain and cancer, I'm thinking is has to do with the person's attitude (choosing to be a victor and not a victim) and the person's focus (on others vs. yourself).
Food for thought.
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10 ReactionsYes. I’ve seen that too. Awareness is key.
Can see both glass half full or half empty. Having the awareness helps me out of a fix of frustration and anger at the pain, the disability of it. But then…I think, there is always someone else who has it much harder than I do. So, it takes the wind out of that sail.
Like you said, victor vs victim. It is a viewpoint to have.
It’s hard to smile when howling in pain BUT I say to myself just hang on until it passes and know and have gratitude there are times its better, knowing that ‘appreciating’ that ‘gratitude’ is definitely an attitude.
Positivity attracts, Negativity repels. Which one am I? I need to check in with myself to make sure I am on the right path. Then I can say, today is a day I’ll be light share in it and smile…Even if it’s difficult at times.
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8 ReactionsCorrect! I struggle with this too.
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4 ReactionsLong term suffering has changed me as a person. I hope for the better. Before this, I wasn’t aware of what many people endure every day, It’s made me want to be a better person. I’m more open to people now and eager to bond and share. I never take good health for granted anymore. Life is fragile and I cherish every moment. I hope I can help others feel just a little better.
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11 ReactionsSo eloquently stated and I agree completely. I often wonder what is the lesson that I’m meant to learn from all this pain. For me it is what you’ve written here. Thank you.
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8 ReactionsBeing positive, empathetic and compassionate is sometimes easier said than done when you are suffering from chronic pain. We are human after all.
Consider the following sceenerio:
Husband with dementia spills coffee all over the floor. Stands there and doesn't know what to do.
Wife suffering from chronic lower back and sciatica pain and has trouble bending or getting down realizes she has to be the one to do the cleanup with pain and discomfort. And she does it dutifully.
How should wife feel ? Can she remain compassionate and kind or can she allow herself to feel somewhat angry and resentful for being put in such a situation?
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5 ReactionsI agree, compassion and empathy are definitely easier said than done, especially when pain is involved. The situation you describe sounds incredibly difficult. I would imagine that, for me at least, those emotions you mentioned would all be appropriate in that moment. The wife you mention is only human and is no doubt doing the best she can in a very tough situation. Perhaps a little forgiveness may be in order for her.
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4 Reactions