Caregiving Sandwich

It's no surprise you're feeling overwhelmed. You *are* overwhelmed.

Your sense of duty is wonderful, but not limitless. You need assistance. Clearly, you are pouring yourself out caring for others. But if you don't take care of yourself... Who will be there to take care of you?

As for your mother, maybe she needs some tough love, or some way to face reality. Otherwise, you're at risk of enabling her illusion of self-sufficiency, which frankly comes at a price you can't afford. (And I'm not talking about money.)

Please don't feel guilty for not being Supergirl. You're doing all you can, and more so. Perhaps someone who's better acquainted with resources can suggest some ways to lift some of the burden from your shoulders...and your heart.

@lemertens oh, my, you certainly do have some big problems on your hands. There are a couple of things you can look into:
1. The American CancerSociety frequently has drivers who will take patients for their chemo and then home. Or ask the chemotherapy center where he will go if they have any drivers who can assist. You can go with him the first few times, but you don’t need to go every time. I was actually glad when my husband didn’t come with me; I could read or sleep or whatever I wanted.
2. Call Aging Services in your area. They may have good suggestions for you. Your town may also have elder ‘buddies’ who will check in on isolated seniors.
3. The main thing right now is for you to care for yourself. You will be no good to anyone if you wear out and crash. I like the suggestions from @scottrl .
You had an ultrasound today. Can you relax for a bit now? You strike me as a very strong and special woman and we all care about you. If you don’t mind, would you share the results of the ultrasound?

My ultrasound showed no cancer. Radiologist says it is probably a lymph node. An ultrasound will be done again in 6 months to make sure it has not grown. It will be followed for 2 years. It was a relief. Thank you for your response. I so appreciate it

Thank God your ultrasound showed good results!!❤️✝️

@lemertens I am so pleased to hear about the US! That’s one big worry out of the way! What do you think you’ll tackle next?

You are in burnout mode, trying to care for everyone else and not taking proper care of you.

Your mother's wish and what is needed is two different things. You are giving her a false sense of independence because you are her crutch. You make up for what she can no longer do.

Once you stop this, she will have to alter her thinking. AL can be great, my mother is in a facility and she loves it, friends her own age, activities, and she doesn't have to lift a finger.

Your first priority is to your husband, your children and you of course, certainly not your mother. Might be time to set some boundaries with your mother and back off a bit.

I am happy to hear that everything is ok with you.

You might want to post on Aging Care, com, many there facing the same issues as yours when it comes to caregiving.

Sending support your way!

Thank you so much for your input this really helps!

Will chemo for your husband continue at Mayo in Rochester or closer to home? How are YOU doing today?

That is a lot .. I can get renewed with music or quiet prayer .. it’s hard for me to ask for help, but in my thoughts as a caregiver you need to reach out for help or make a list what you can do and absolutely can’t, get help with what u can’t .. will pray for u. Marian