Just starting this process and I am a little scared. Advice?

I hesitate commenting, but I can't scroll passed this bc I feel like it's my responsibility to share a little.
My story is complicated, my experience is "I am the percentage of risks/complications" eventhough I did my research and never in a million years thought I'd fall into that category. I did everything I was supposed to. My story starts back in 2014 when I had standard sleeve procedure. I was healthy, just couldn't get rid of 3rd pregnancy weight. I was 30 years old, weighed 220 lbs and was 5' 6" tall. Had been diagnosed with PCOS, METABOLIC SYNDROME AND sleep apnea, but nothing abnormal for being overweight.
I went in for procedure on July 20 and didn't come home until March the following year. 9 months in hospital, 97 days of it in ICU. post surgery, blue dye was injected to make sure I was sewed back up without any gastric leaks. However blue dye was glowing throughout my body. But where I was leaking from, was unclear. I don't remember that year very much, however, I was brought back to life 13 times.
I was then in and out of hospital with complications such as potassium low seizures, hernia repairs, pain, esophageal issues. For the next 7 years I suffered and couldn't find a specialist willing to touch me due to being high risk and having a very complicated health status. I couldn't eat but 3 bites and 8/10 I threw up the bare minimum I could eat. And had unimaginable acid reflex/GERD. my life had drastically changed by now. Barely weighing 105 lbs, blackouts, pain, weakness, fatigue, you name it. My social life was non existent bc I couldn't be depended on, eat for social events or be dependable, never really feeling good enough. I was literally just surviving, dehydrated most of the time and anemic. Chronic fatigue debilitated.
Finally a breakthrough, a miracle worker bariatric surgeon/specialist said he could give me quality of life back. From 2019 through current I've had him working on my health and complications from sleeve surgery.
Over the last 5 years I've had 23 EDG's and esophageal dilation to fix the narrowing in my esophagus, 4 hernia replacements and then had to eventually have full Gastrectomy with a Jejuostomy(complete stomach and esophagus removal and my intestines connected to bottom of my throat.
The suffering, the inability to thrive in life, the definition of gone wrongs. That is me.
I now have a "Failure to Thrive" diagnosis, suffering from Severe Malnutrition and Protein Malabsorption. I'm dying! I had to have a Jtube placed and started Feeding tube nutrition, which never stopped hurting, just to reject it after 6 weeks in place. My last hope to stay alive was TPN via PICC LINE, which has been in the last 3.months, connecting to the formula bag every night at bedtime. I've gained back 10 lbs, now at 115 lbs, but hasn't improved much else. I have chronic diarrhea and anal fissures that are excruciating and won't heal due to the explosive diarrhea.
I had my introduction meeting with Hospice last Monday. I've had enough. My life has come to the end and I've finally lost the war. I realize I am the odds, but all things mentioned, are real cons of the surgery.
I'm 43 yrs old, 3 children, and I'm dying. My children have paid the price of my desperate desire to be thin, look good and lose the weight. All they remember, is seems like I've been sick their entire lives and they missed out on a normal mom childhood.
I'm absolutely terrified to stop existing but it's a very real story that I hope has not changed your mind by, but at least to consider if in the case you have complications, what support system you have in place in the event your life is effected by symptoms or complications. You have a right to be scared.

Hi there! I am just starting too and feel the same, but I am also excited about getting healthier and feeling better! I haven't had my first appointment yet, just got my referral today and was advised to join this group. Where are you in the process?

Welcome, @donellea. Got any questions as you prepare for your first appointment?

All the best with your appointment next week, @rerickson6486. How are you feeling?