Dear Lena0820, Where strength comes from to deal with the list of challenges we all have amazes me. Recently, I said to my LO that I was depressed as if he could come up with a solution. The response was, "But why? Life is wonderful." And, so it is for him because I keep him happy, clean, fed, entertained, and have taken on all the responsibilities to keep us in the home that provides him stability. We have been at this for over ten years, which included a colostomy that required five weeks in the hospital and a month in a nursing home. By now, I could give lessons to the nurses at our hospital on how to change a colostomy. What I can't do is make him remember how to clean it properly which he insists on doing himself. If anyone needs info on cleaning products, just ask me. As I write this, I realize that one of my strategies to survive is humor, even if it is black humor. The only way this ends for us is if one of us ends. I am 86, and he is 94. The tough part is he has longevity on his side. His father lived to 103. After I recently had to start taking anti-depressants, I decided to change my perspective. My needs must come first for both our sakes as I have now become the person who does not want to shower. That means putting an app on my laptop so that I can shop online and pick up at the store and making my prescription app on my phone work for me. (This required help.) Also, our cleaning woman's daughter has agreed to give us four hours once a month with the possibility of more time. And I am putting up as many reminder notes as it takes to make taking care of myself a daily habit. Using this forum to fight isolation is also part of the plan. I don't know if it will work, but what I do know is that doing nothing is not an option.

We have relied on Meals-on-Wheels and ladies who do minor house cleaning because I use a walker for my back and knees, which are painful and make the simplest tasks an effort. This month, I have been fortunate to find reliable assistance for four hours a month. I'm not sure what I need from her, but we will figure it out together. I hope this litany of ills helps you realize there is more strength in us than we realize. Use some of that patience you have developed for your LO's care for yourself. @gloro