I hear you..and respect that.
But I also believe that your life is important too.
You matter. You deserve so much more.
I know it is fearful but you can do this.
Your life is at risk. Which means so are those animals.
You've gotten lots of suggestions on where to seek help , and I encourage you to take the first step. Don't look past that. One step at a time. Temporary care of the animals with a rescue even just for a day or two, while you work this out, keeps them safe and might
rescue you all to a better life.
You deserve more. You are valuable.
Sending love hugs and prayers

Those of us not very good at taking good care of ourselves,( I used to be one of those women ( men are included in this catergory too). We are always rescuing others... ETOH is a very complicated disease... If you are an RN, you know this...You. need all the support you can get right now, m' dear -- so keep going to these meetings , find one or two you like in your community , find a sponsor in AlAnon and learn some new boundary-setting rules with this guy.

I bet you will want to tell him farewell soon. - Sounds like many warning signs he already is giving you of his inability to give you what you are looking for Take care.. the 12 steps are especially helpful for newcomers.... Sue