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The unexpected loss of a loved one can bring up feelings of loss, grief, anger, confusion and more. Friends and family of the grieving person may not know how to help. We discuss these feelings and dynamics in our latest episode, "Coping with grief and unanswerable questions after suicide." Listen anywhere you get your podcasts.
Episode summary:
When someone dies by suicide, their loved ones are often left asking questions like “How could this have happened?” The protagonist in Onyi Nwabineli’s debut novel “Someday, Maybe,” wrestles with these questions after the untimely death of husband. Onyi and Mayo Clinic psychologist Dr. Craig Sawchuk discuss processing grief, loss and guilt – and the importance of showing up and supporting those who are grieving.
For immediate help
If you're feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of not wanting to live or you're having urges to attempt suicide, get help now.
- Call a suicide hotline.
- In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat at 988lifeline.org/chat/. Services are free and confidential.
- If you’re a U.S. veteran or service member in crisis, call 988 and then press 1, or text 838255. Or chat using veteranscrisisline.net/get-help-now/chat/.
- The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish language phone line at 1-888-628-9454.
- Call 911 in the U.S. or your local emergency number immediately.
We talked about:
In this episode, Dr. Millstine and her guests discuss:
- Every experience of grief is unique. There is often an expectation that those who are grieving should rebound quickly from grief and los, but grief is not linear and can re-emerge throughout life.
- Wanting answers. When we are faced with an unexpected loss, we have a desire to understand why it happened and reach closure. But this is often not possible. Instead, healing is often involves learn how to handle the uncertainty and unanswered questions.
Questions for discussion:
- Have you experienced an unexpected loss? What (or who) helped you in your journey through grief?
Share your thoughts, questions and opinions below!
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I would like to know more on grieving the unexpected loss when one gets a cancer diagnosis. Especially a very rare cancer which is known to be reoccurring and is resistant to both radiation and chemotherapy. And I may also add did not have any detectable symptoms.
I just appreciate the changes in American society that acknowledge grief as a real thing. When my father died (heart problem) in the 1960s during my childhood, there was no grief counseling for kids or adults. I know. It’s hard to believe.
I was expected to return to school and pretend nothing happened. Not one teacher ever spoke to me nor any kids about my great loss.
You know I was not aware that you could grieve for the loss of your future the way that you imagined it. But boy I went thru this. I would get mad, then I would get depressed, I quit going any where, I quit going to church, I got mad at GOD. Then I questioned everything about my faith yet I would still pray. I begged to be healed from this lung condition at least 45 times over the last 7 or 8 months. Christians would call me and want me to come back to church, then they would tell me I had no faith. God could heal me. Key word is could. I had done everything that God had asked me to do and yet here I am. What had I possibly done to deserve a potentially long life where I might die a horrible death. Then I started thinking, all of the disciples died horrible deaths except for John. He was exiled on an island for years but then he did get to go back. Why would anyone choose a life believing and suffer. Well, the other side of me would say, life ain't fair , it isn't God's fault it is just the luck of the draw.
Then one day, God told me it wasn't lack of faith it was grief. I started researching loss of dreams and health. Could not find much out there. It is mostly about losing people who die. Did find one site and it started me on a journey of acceptance of what my life will be in the future, how can I get the best out of it, and how the heck am I going to do this. I am slowly working my way back to God and taking care of my illness but choosing to enjoy every minute that I have left. Grief is a process and it took me almost 7 months to realize that I have a choice and I choose the best for me. Don't really think that God is going to heal me but as long as he walks with me thru this. I think that I can do this. Life is not easy, lean into the treatment, travel when you can, and live your best life.