Good morning @kathymcl Sorry for the delay in responding, but I had to travel out of state for a funeral. My DIL’s Mom died and it was good for me to be there for our grandsons since I am now the last living grandparent. A sobering thought for me.
Now to your point.
One of the most important ‘rules’ my wife and I established was to be each other’s sounding boards. We agreed to talk through each issue we brought up, think about it separately, then talk about them together again — bringing our new questions and thoughts — and then adjust our decision and put it in writing.
We did this for things we did not have in our legal papers of our estate plan, wills, POA, medical directives, etc. that were drafted by our attorney.
The items we worked on were some of the most important of her life. Perhaps not legally, but certainly for peace of mind. It was about the things that actually mattered most to her. Her decisions for care, some donations and gifts she wanted to give while alive, her Celebration of Life — including music, the five places where her ashes were to go, music, eulogists, and even wine.
Let me know more questions.