Kdawn (@kdawn32)

Jodee I have been MIA for a while as well. Technically I am no longer a care giver any longer due to the deaths in my family. In reading your post I am making a leap that we work in similar areas. I wanted to address your mention of EAP. Go check them out. There are some great references. Go check out past webinare series. There are some on caregiving. Also some resources for wills etc. Not something any of us wants to thinking about but something all need to do. As I am dealing with family as the personal representative for my parents will I encourage everyone to be nice to their loved ones and get things in writing with your signature and date. Believe me when I say people will become vicious, cruel, evil, nasty, hateful, and both emotionally and physically threatening over money and things after a death. Even those who profess their great religious fervor. Best of luck. While you are caring for your husband and family don't forget to take time for yourself every now and again. You are of no use if you burn out!

It is all so strange. I went to Easter Services at a church I had never been to before. The sermon could have been a personalized one for me and 2 of my brothers who went as well. Right down to a term I had never heard before (and can't remember right now) that was the exact description of how the sister acts in regards to her religion. We about feel out of our chairs. I am doing my level best to stay away from not only the sister but all of her children and grandchildren at this point. I have avoided her often in the last 49.5 years because of how she acts. I am in the process of following up with Law enforcement over the texts. What is crazy is that it all could have gone smoothly. People who don't live in the area could have in their procession as I write items my parent wanted them to have. I could be donating clothing to charities. When probate is done processing through in a few days checks could be cut to be equally distributed between all of our parents children. One greedy unhappy person has now made a living nightmare for me. It has touched my place of work etc. FYI if any of you need to block someone from texting on a Verizon android contact me. It is not easy. Iphone is another story. It is easy. I almost want to go back to one!

So In the midst of dealing with my Mom death, the estate, doing the taxes (mine and hers), coming to grips with the fact that I am an orphan (how weird is that at almost 50 years old), and all the other stuff life tosses at you I'm also dealing with a crazy person. My sister (in biology only) once again threatened to kill me. Now she doesn't make these threats to my face. She tells my brother while telling him things like "other Christians look down on you because your not married, your not a man because you've never been married". She recently said she was the only person who was a care giver to Mom. So I guess I just imagined most of the last 15 years of me helping out with my folks. The last 10+ of spending about 50 of the 52 weekends each year going to their home and caring for Mom every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. My brother has evidently, according to her, been living with them since 2014 but did nothing. Thursday she not only verbally attacked one brother, but physically assaulted another. Her threats included the fact that she carries and has a gun. I did convince one brother (not the one who was physically attacked) to go with me to get a restraining order. She broke those about 48 hours into it. Happy Easter to us all, right. Did I mention she would tell you that she, though a sinner, is the best Christian that ever walked the face of the earth. We are all evil, wicked people and are just trying to take all the things and money she is entitled to have. First of my parent worked for that money. The only people ever entitled to a freaking dime of it was them. I am no happy that they didn't spend every dime. You got it go spend it. Live your life, be happy. Take that trip you want to take. No one else is entitled to a thing. FYI that "sister" turns 68 this year if your wondering.

@jimhd I love the photo of the columbine!

Mark, @muppey thank you for your prayers. FYI I didn't not think you where being dismissive at all. I truly appreciate your insights and those everyone on this board. Not everyone understands grief. We all maybe in different places with it, but we have some understanding and can help each other understand what we are feeling. You are so right that "The people here are great and I appreciate them because they allowed me to "vent my spleen" which is very cathartic for me, you, and everyone here." I include you in that also.
Kim

Ahh, @littleonefmohio believe me they know when they are going. Your mom knew. So your slip up in front of her about her breathing was nothing she didn't know. Stop beating yourself up on that one. Go read what you posted, but put one of the others names in place of yours. What would you think? Wow this person obviously loved their mom. They did so much for her. I read what you wrote and am in awe of your resilience. It gives me hope that I too can get through this time.

ALL,
I am not strong. I am not over it. If you are I'm happy for you. My loss is not yours even if we lost the same person. I may never be over it. I respect your need to grieve or not in your own time and manner. Will you not do the same for me? My true family are those who here on earth and those in heaven who have held my hand, stood back to back with me, and wiped my tears. Those who worked to cause me pain or used my grief and pain to take advantage of me are not.

I think that first paragraph may ring true for some of you. I am great full to have found this group. You let me know I am not weird, more broken, or alone because I am still grieving my Dad who died 16 months ago or my best friend who died 8 months ago. Thank you for letting me know I don't have to be over it. How many of us (in our minds eye) punch the person who says aren't you over yet, or oh yeah get over it we all go through it. We can have empathy for each other, but the reality is each person is an individual with their own relationships. We each need to grieve in our own time and space. The kindest thing we can do is be supportive of each other, allowing that grieving even if we do not understand it or are not in the same space.

I could use prayers and/or positive thoughts this week as I deal with my 4 older siblings (15-20 years older than I) in regards to my parents estate. I found that someone riffled through the paperwork and my dad's will is missing. Their lawyer does not have it either.
Kim

@jimh Thank you for your words. I had not thought of why this ordering people to forgive makes me so crazy. I think you hit on it. It is a judgment by other. "You aren't a real Christian if you don't do what I say". I don't know of many people other than Jesus who could just in a second forgive another human. It comes in stages a piece at a time. If a person forgives you it does little for you. It does for them. So I would benefit from the forgiveness. I actually have forgiven but forgiveness doesn't mean you lay down and be a door mat. If someone is abuse. Yes forgive them, but don't stay there and continue to allow them to abuse you. Allowing the abuse to continue is not forgiveness. Unfortunately a lot of people think that forgiveness means to allow the person who hurt you to keep doing it. Forgiveness is letting go of the hurt in your heart. Bodies heal much faster than our emotional hearts.