Hello nay313: I’m an old man now and no longer suffer they way you do. I figured out a lot of things and have some help for you. I graduated from college and 3 years of psychotherapy which did me only a little good. When I left I wondered if I would ever find out what was causing my neurosis. It seems so obvious now but when you’re trying to look inward your blind. It took me 20 years to figure out that I had grown up terrified of people, some more others less. I was conscientious of what people thought of me, dreaded going to job interviews, nervous around many others and in addition I was known as a NUT CASE by people who had to associate with me. I’ve heard things about me from friends that make me wonder what could have been going through my mind? And I used to have anxiety attacks.
What I figured out is that it is all about fear. The best way to conquer fear is to face it but that is very anxiety provoking. And it can be so terrifying that facing it will do you little good. The good news is that help may be coming. And I did it. You don’t know what I’m talking about so google DOI:10.4236/psych.2012.38093 ,second link from the top.
Young man, my life was largely a wasted, unpleasant experience and yours can be that way also. And it will be if you don’t do anything to change it around. My childhood and adulthood was consumed by fear. All I got out of it was my old age and I didn’t get all of that. We all got screwed one way or another and none of us did anything to deserve what happened to us. What you have isn’t going to go away by itself. My advice to you is to go to a behavioral psychologist and show him/her the DOI which just got published (he probably doesn’t know about it).
Once you get your fear under control it’s a whole different ball game. Things you worry about now won’t have any meaning to you then. I know from experience that you are very lonely and when you start interacting with others yours will go away.
Instead of accepting crumbs from others, you will be able to compete and can get your share of the pie. And so on.
nay313, I wish you what you deserve: Newell Heywood