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12 hours ago · ~ Lonesome ~ in Mental Health

I sure hope I have not written this here before … I don’t think so, but then …. who knows???? I saw my therapist and psychiatrist on Tuesday of this week and they both called, what I’ve been calling Cyclothymia, BiPolar 2. Somehow there is a big relief in having a diagnosis rather than the nebulous Cyclothymia. So, he’s very slowly moving down the Zoloft, added Lamictal, and since the Lamictal gives me what is called “essential tremors” also Propanalol. Looking back I can see times when I was impulsive, but figured, “oh well, that’s just me.” Thank God for good doctors. I sent the Mayo website to all 3 of my kids for them to read and perhaps then they will better understand the days when I just don’t have any “oomph” or just can’t drag myself out to go with them. I hope so anyhow.

1 day ago · ~ Good morning to all ~

Good morning to everyone. This was a few days when I make my monthly trip to my Psychologist and then in the afternoon I see my Psychiatrist who Rx’s the medications. Well, this passed week was horrible, anxiety through the roof – I won’t detail, I’m sure a lot of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Well, when at my Psychologists office for my appt., I asked him a question about this “cyclothymia” , questioning it. I’ve done a lot of reliable reading of it and it’s sort of a cover up, or easier to swallow, word for Bipolar 2. You know, this was a relief, and ties what is going on with me and has been for what seems like forever. As crazy as this sounds, it’s a huge relief to me. So, my Psychiatrist started me on Lamictal – a mood stabilizer. When I take that I also have to take Propanalol for what they call “essential tremors.”
I feel so relieved to have a legitimate diagnosis, being treated property, that it’s well worth going up every 2 weeks until I get stabilized. Needless to say, I am very grateful.

Thu, Oct 12 11:14am · ~ Panic ~

Hi everyone. This is a particularly bad morning for me …. immediately on getting out of bed major anxiety was waiting for me – full blown. I thought I’d jump out of my skin. I took care of my cats, took my meds. and had breakfast …. still not much improvement. I was in a group at the local hospital in MD – an outpatient group which met 5 days a week for 4 weeks from 9-3 …. oh I wish I lived there so I could hook back in. You had to have been referred by your doctor, or have gone to the ER for extreme anxiety and/or depression, which is what I did. A girlfriend took me, I was unfit to drive. I couldn’t stop shaking. When I got there, they put you in a stripped down room with a bed, overhead light (no cords), and a dresser, and then it is a day full of analyzing by Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Social Workers, over and over again. And of course their final question was “do you feel suicidal.” Of course I said no, but that was not exactly true. So on that basis they had me go home and the following week I started in this group …. it was made up of about 12 of us …. people like me, a gay man with his “wife”, several people who had just been released from the hospital, several bi-polar people, all sorts of folks with all sorts of problems. By the end of the 4 weeks I hated to leave …. for the first time, except for my therapist, I felt heard, understood, empathized with and cared about. I sure wish I could go back, which I could if I lived up there, but … I don’t.

Wed, Oct 11 4:04pm · ~ Lonesome ~ in Mental Health

Yes, I’m sure it would. When I still had Molly I always had my “dog walking duds” right aside of the bed, because first thing in the AM before I did anything else, I had to take her for a walk. I need a reason to get up, which I really don’t have right now. I moved down here to VA to be closer to my girls and their families, but my whole life and heart are still in Frederick, MD. I lived there for over 30 years and that was my “nest.” Ever since I moved down here, nothing has gone right ….. sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s not. My girls are as helpful as they can be, but they have lives and I don’t expect them to do more. I really think that if my condo in Frederick had not been sold, I would definitely go back. I know my family would be upset and may even feel insulted, but at 72 I just can’t go through the rest of life feeling like this. My kids don’t know about the Cyclothymia either. Everytime I try to bring it up, they just either avoid, walk away, or start talking about something else. They need to know there is a genetic component to this. My therapist is pretty sure my mother was full-blown bi-polar and medicated herself with alcohol. Thank God, I have the lesser version, but the depression part is a killer.

Wed, Oct 11 8:17pm · ~ Lonesome ~ in Mental Health

Yes, Lisa, I live in an apartment and need to have a small dog. Two others that have been recommended to me are the Havanese, and Cavishon. Did your Cavalier have heart problems?

Wed, Oct 11 3:37pm · ~ Lonesome ~ in Mental Health

Yes, Molly was a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel …. I never realized I could love a dog that much. I had her put down when she was 11 – the classic stage 5 congestive heart failure, which is very common in the breed. I’m looking for another dog, since it’s been a year, but even the rescues are anywhere from $600-$800, sometimes more. At the time I got Molly I was working part-time and had the money …. now I’m retired, living mostly on S.S., in an apartment for limited income folks. I’ll get something – a rescue – but it’s very doubtful it’ll be a Cavie. I think a dog would go a long way to helping me have something to look forward to …. a reason to get up in the morning ….. my cats don’t do that.

Mon, Oct 9 6:53am · ~ Lonesome ~ in Mental Health

@contentandwell …… I appreciate your sharing the name of your Cavie. I never thought of looking at my Gaelic/Scottish dictionary to find a name, but it’s a great idea. You dog lived to 14. No heart problems? I understand that they are cross breeding the Cavilier with the Cavishon and they maintain the wonderful disposition, but they’ve bred out the heart problems. It would be wonderful to have a little friend sitting alongside of me right now, looking at the big brown eyes.

Fri, Oct 6 12:06pm · ~ Lonesome ~

Hi everyone …. well, I’ve reached the end of my last nerve. About a year ago, I had to put my little dog down ….. she was a Cavalier, King Charles Spaniel, who was rescued from a puppy mill – she was 4 and had given birth to multiple liters. She never got out of the crate, and the day after I took her the mill was going to shoot her because she was no long producing what they wanted. She was a tri-color, and had the classical heart murmur. All Cavaliers have that, I guess from poor breeding practices ….. goes from level 1 to level 5. She was 11 when I had to put her to sleep. Well, you all know all the moving I’ve been doing … MD to VA, then another place in VA (which is quite unsafe I’m finding out). I have not been happy since I left my condo in MD. I’d lived in the Frederick, MD area for 30 years, and that move was a big mistake (now I know!). Well, I have 2 cats, but I so much miss that little girl. It’s been a year now, and I still can’t look at her picture without tearing up. So, I’ve been in touch with a Cavalier rescue group that lives quite close to where I used to live in MD, and I’m just praying that I can find one that I can both afford and whose murmur isn’t passed 2. I’m lonesome …. I have a neighbor who is a friend and she has a dog. My kids are great people, and do what they can and have time for to either come over, bring me some food, or go somewhere with me, but they all have lives and families and I cannot expect them to fill in the gap. I’m used to taking in a puppy mill rescue, as my Molly was afraid of grass when I got her, I had to teach her how to walk up steps, and for a long time anytime someone lifted an arm to scratch their head or anything like that, she’d duck and run. Obviously, she’d been abused along with everything else. I so hope I can get one ….. I need a loyal friend down here, and one of them would be perfect.