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Allergies, Bone, joint, and muscle disorders, Eye disorders, Healthy Aging, Healthy Living, Mental health disorders, Palliative and end-of-life care, Women's health issues

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Sun, Jul 5 9:05am · ~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~ in Mental Health

I absolutely love rock walkways …. they are beautiful. I know they take a lot of time and work ….. my SIL put one in from his parking space to the house (they live on the Blue Ridge Mtns.) and it is beautiful. I admire your efforts to do this. It sure wouldn't be something I'd ever attempt, but then ….. I can't even put together the simplest of puzzles! Go for it …. finish it and send us a picture if you can.
abby (the harp player)

Sun, Jul 5 8:35am · ~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~ in Mental Health

Hi Karen ….. I was just going to say the same thing you did ….. this is not a political forum …. that only leads to disagreeable disagreements as everyone has their own opinion. Yes, I saw my Psychologist in MD for 12-14 years – weekly, until I had a breakdown and then it was 3x a week. I still go up monthly to see him. He has been of immeasureable help to me. I also have a Psychiatrist down here whom I see every 3-4 weeks ….. he's very good and seems excellent with my meds., but we only get 10 min. with him. He is the only Psychiatrist in my county……amazing. I will see him this week. I know some days are blacker than others due to the Bipolar 2. Thank the Lord it's not Bipolar 1 or I'd probably be running down the street naked!
abby

Sun, Jul 5 8:21am · ~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~ in Mental Health

Bless you karen00 …. Your situation sounds rough too. It seems that we get to a certain point in life, unless we endlessly wealthy, there are no "golden years." I know that's whining, but to me that term is a farse. Do take care with everything you're dealing with … fibro and RA are no picnic, for sure. I also will be praying for you.
abby

Sat, Jul 4 8:45pm · Bladder cancer: Is a stoma the same as an ostomy? in Ostomy

I have a very dear friend who has been diagnosed with bladder cancer. They scanned her and it has not metastasized, fortunately. She is now in the process of receiving chemotherapy … 2 weeks on (2 days a week) and 1 week off, then the pattern repeats. They are anticipating that either late August or early September they will be able to do surgery and then she will have a "stoma" – I don't think that's the name for kidney/bladder problems, but more for intestines. She's been dealing with this for about 2-3 months now and except for fatigue she's doing well. Can anyone tell me what exactly it is like to have this surgery? Where is the incision, the bag, how long is the recovery and how long until one learns how to change the bag. Thanks very much.
harp player – abby

Thu, Jul 2 9:32am · ~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~ in Mental Health

OMG Jim, you hit the nail on the head. I loved where I lived before in MD (30 years) and everything was there … close friends, doctors, church, my own condo, a job with a dentist, and I knew the town like the back of my hand. Due to some "ponzi" scheme on the part of a unscrupulous "wealth manager" I lost 90% of my father's inheritance to me. Now I essentially live on S.S. and by the generosity of my son he sends me some money each month. I've been trying to find a job since I moved here (4 years ago) but at 75 …. well, you can imagine. I do feel totally alone. Since I have not been able to connect with a church at this point, that doesn't help. I live in a low-income apartment complex which is totally unsafe (my SIL wants me to get a gun – absolutely NOT), so he got me a "bear pepper spray" and a "tazer". I never go out after dark. The Psychiatrist I use down here is very nice, but very busy …. each person only gets about 10 min. with him, just for a med. check. I did go to the hospital 1 time when I was in MD and went to a group for 4 weeks which was wonderful. We were all limping along emotionally and just getting to know there were others like you was a great help. My 2 adult girls convinced me to move down here because it was "so wonderful." Well, to them I'm sure it is but they've been here for years. The "wet blanket" part is merely an analogy …. in a dark wet hole, with a black, wet, blanket over me, calling out and no one will listen. That is how it feels. Somedays I feel like just walking away from all this, with my dog, and never to be seen again. But, financially, that's not a possibility. So I spend 90% of my time in my apartment. Some days I don't answer the phone or the door. I have not gotten dressed yet today and I doubt I will ….. I'll just stay in my bathrobe, watch mindless TV, and sleep. Oh and take the dog out. I have truly thought about ending it all, and there is the perfect way down here that no one would find me for days. Between Charlottesville and Staunton there is route 64, which runs along the spine of mountains, connecting the Appalachians and the Blue Ridge. If I drove over that at night (which I never do), took my seatbelt off, and really gunned the engine, I could go right over the edge and no one would know for days. But, I don't think I have the nerve to really do it. Afraid to live and afraid to die. My 2 daughters down here really don't want to hear anything at all …. they want everything to be peaches and cream, so I put on a good face. My therapist in MD called it "good Suzy". As soon as I try to tell them anything at all, no matter how small, they just say "yea" and walk away. That doesn't help. My son is in Northern Virginia and I don't see him very often, but bless him, he does send me money each month or I wouldn't make it.
Thank so so very much for sharing your story …. it helps so much to know exactly what it feels like. So often you feel so alone that you're sure you're the only one, and you're nuts!
Bless you Jim, and thank you, thank you, Please keep in touch.
Abby (yes, I have a Celtic Harp – I'm Scotch)

Wed, Jul 1 8:50pm · ~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~ in Mental Health

Hi Ginger … I guess I do keep harping on the same thing over and over …. I'm sorry. I can't move back to where I was as without a job I could never afford it, even with my son's help. Believe me, if I could, I would. I went to the Senior Center twice now and it was awful … just a group of my age folks gossiping while they quilted, read their book, or knitted. Talk about depressing! I know more about their surgeries and medications than I ever needed to know. There's only 1 child I would want to live with and, in a joking way I mentioned it about a month or so ago. Her response? "Oh my no." I can't imagine living in someone else's house. I know my girlfriend up in MD has a woman from her church renting a room from her and it works well. But they knew each other for years. Again, I'm sorry to keep harping on this ….. I know it gets tiresome for you all.
abby

Wed, Jul 1 8:50pm · ~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~ in Mental Health

I want my posts to be from newest to oldest, but don't know how so I'm just starting a new one. I hope it's OK.
I've lived in Staunton, VA for 4 years now, after moving from Frederick, MD where I lived with my husband, and 3 children for 30 years. I got divorced about 12-15 years ago (not sure of the date), but what I didn't know was that not only did my 2 daughters live down here, but so did my X-husband. I did not ask for alimony as at the time I had my Dad's inheritance, which was "ponzi-d" …. I won't go into that now. I live in a low-income apartment which I only leave to go to the grocery store. I see one of my daughter's about once a week. I worked for a dentist in Frederick and when he retired, I moved down here. At 75 I cannot find a job ….. anywhere down here. I struggle every month to pay my bills. If it weren't for my son who sends me money each month, I'd be on the streets. I struggle with Bipolar 2. The passed few weeks have been awful. Usually summer is my favorite time of year, but this year I feel like I'm in a deep dark hole, covered with a black wet blanket …. I'm calling out for help and people just stop, look in, and move on. I've tried to tell my girls how badly this has gotten, and also that part of it could be genetic (my mother was Bipolar 1), and they don't want to hear it. They sort of just change the subject, move on, or just walk away. I can't tell you how awful I feel ….. if I weren't so afraid, I'd probably end it all. No job, no friends (low income = unsafe), no church at this point even though I've been looking. I'm afraid to tell the new Psychiatrist I have down here as I'm afraid he'll put me in the hospital and the one down here isn't very safe either. I'm just at the end of my rope, afraid to die, yet afraid to live anymore.
Thanks for listening, abby