Hello all. I have been on Clonazepam for over 10 years. I initially was on Xanax started with 0.25 and by the end I was taking 4X 0.5mg daily along with an antidepressant which I tried them all and now am on 60mg of Remeron generic. My doctor wanted me to get off the xanax as I was building up a tolerance that the 4 day were no longer helping so he decided to switch me to Klonopin. My job was the focus of my anxiety including the drive. In a short time I was increased to 1 mg 4Xs a day. My doctor has mentioned he would like to get me off the klonopin as I have been on it so long and wanted to see if other treatments could replace the klonopin, After reading about tapering off it automatically makes me feel ill as it sounds like no matter how controlled the tapering process is done under medical supervision it is a living hell for what sounds like could be months. I am not sure I could put myself or my wife through this. The withdrawal from Klonopin is compared to being as severe as weaning off alcohol and heroin and other opioids. I have noticed over the past several years I am developing major memory issues and my anxiety still rears its ugly head, I still on occasion still have full blown panic attacks. So it makes me believe my doctor basically turned me into a drug addict. I am also treated for adult ADHD which was not diagnosed until I was 42 and I am now 50. So I am taking benzos and amphetamines at the same time. Which you would think would be like throwing gasoline on a fire but I have found each day can be very different from the others as someone with ADHD does not get high on the amphetamines but it levels them out and allows them to concentrate and focus. This is not always the case, Some days I find I am flatlined my word for feeling no ups or downs and sometimes I find I hyperfocus and in other times which luckily does not happen often I am not sure if its connected to anxiety prior to taking my 1st dose which is 10mg of dextroamphetamine sulfate taken 2xs a day it comes on like a freight train like I snorted 4 lines of coke. I make this reference only because I had used cocaine recreationally in my 20s when my anxiety was not as severe. It was not an addiction I did it for 6-9 months and knew to stop when it began to make me feel bad…. Never touched it again for at least 25+ years. So back to the memory issues, They have become so bad, for example my wife and I like to watch a lot of movies on Netflix and I will come across a movie and say how about this one or are we ever going to watch this one only to be told we already saw those movies and some were as soon as a week or 2 ago. I brought this up to my doctor and he says that can be common when someone has been prescribed Klonopin as long as you have. He suggested going to a CBT group and tells me its expensive ( Not exactly close to home) and when I mentioned insurance ( which btw he does not accept any so each visit is $300 out of pocket and my meds. Clonazepam, 1 mg 4Xs a day 300 mg Gabbapentin 4xs a day, 10 mg Dextroamphetamine 2xs a day and 60mg of Remeron -generic at bedtime. No wonder I can't remember anything. I am on far too many medications. I also have developed anxiety if I have to drive somewhere alone. I always have to call someone and talk as I drive to my destination.. This has been only in the last 2-3 years. I also developed claustrophobia at my previous job which actually led to the increase in dosages as I was falling behind in learning new things, I spent 17 years in IT and the last 11 as a Network Security Firewall Engineer. I had decided to focus on security long ago and each job./contract I had security/firewall engineering was always a separate team from traditional Networking, switches, routers, load balancers wireless. Well I did struggle even as a FW engineer but when we were re-org'd by a new SVP we FW engineering were merged with the network team. I was immediately at a loss as I had forgotten most of my basic network skills where the rest of my team were seasoned engineers with 10-20 years of experience than me. I knew in the back of my head my days were numbered, All along I had received pay increases, bonuses, gift cards, and even RSUs – Restricted Stock Units otherwise known as the golden handcuffs. They call them that as it is a way to keep an employee by awarding them 4000 shares of the companies stock over a 3 year period, Well during this period the company changed directions and we were tipped off by you know one of those people who is in the know of inside information. He said layoffs are coming sometime in Sept 2016. My boss at the time before this happened was the best. He was a director but liked to get his hands involved as we are re-architecting the who network with new state of the art hardware which meant learning a new OS and also wanted all of us to get our 1st level certification and then on to the next one soon after. I took the 1st exam 4xs failing with a lower score each time. Well my boss was forced out of his job as they wanted to bring in someone from one of the many companies they had acquired over the past 2 years. The replacement was someone who was clueless and was basically just a face with no personality. So on 9-13-2016 I had received a call of my company cell phone but did not recognize the number so did not pick it up. I then realized the area code was from the area where our new director was from. I quickly looked up his email contact and low and behold it was his number. I knew immediately it was not a good sign. I called him back and all he said was come down to HR room 2 or 4 I forget. I turned to my team and said only this.. Dead man walking. I got to HR and told the company was restructuring and moving on to a different direction I was handed a bunch of sheets of paper with all different job titles and the ages of those who held those titles (Age discrimination cover) I also noticed my job title never changed even after the re-org where most of my team had Network Engineer titles anyway and the other firewall engineers had become temporary manager and the other changed but my title remained the same. So when looking through the list there was no one in networking and my title stuck out like a sore thumb. I was told this is layoff had nothing to do with my performance (yeah right) it was just a company changing directions. On that day they laid off 100s if not 1000s of people. I was a single person in a group where a friend I made it was his entire team of 5 people this went on for a least a month and even continued a year later. All my meds were basically prescribed because of my job the stress long hours being on-call once a month bringing home work daily. I ended up being mentally and physically sick for the last 1-2 years. I had also asked why was I was awarded RSUs to keep me 3 years and just over a year later your laying me off.. No answer.. (typical) SO when I initially was laid off I took it as a blessing in disguise as I was so unhappy and simply could no longer keep up. Then reality set in I was looking for 15 months for a job I came to despise I had 5 interviews and no offers in the meantime I had the stock so started looking at trading. So oddly I decided I would make trading my career. I liked it.,., THEN came the new account setup to be an income account. I now became frozen. I couldn't trade I would watch and not pull the trigger and buy. this has been an ongoing dilemma for over a year now but I refuse to quit as I know I can do it. Its a mental thing I need to break but its all on me to change this. Sorry for the long post and please don't take this as a pity post. I am really afraid to go through the weaning off Klonopin – Clonazepam as it sounds like hell I don't think I could handle and the side effects sound like it may affect my marriage if I am a mess for weeks/months until its out of my system. I recall seeing where they put heroin addicts into a coma like state and let them withdrawal while being asleep; Do they do this also for Klonopin as seems like I rather be asleep rather than be awake and feel the physical pain,, anxiety, nausea, etc…..I Need help.; I watched a Netflix documentary called HEAL where people have tapped into their minds and have been able to use their brain to rid them of cancer and other diseases. Seems unreal but I think America and Big Pharma has turned Americans into drug addicts and never delve in to find the root cause of your condition. It seems the American way is write a script for more drugs. Seems many conditions/disorders are treated with therapy and drugs, As someone who has been battling Anxiety ./ Panic disorder and depression for 20-25 years its not working. Its simply a bandaid but worse its now an addiction. I am looking into holistic healers as at this point I am willing to try anything, I tried hypnosis and I dd get hypnotised but did not help me with my issues. I even asked my doctor would ECT be used ever on someone like me,.,. Never got a real answer. I also brought up medical marijuana or even CBD and as a MD he immediately dismissed it saying no proof no studies not going to happen; I kind of expected an MD to dismiss something he would not be able to control., He would essentially lose his $300 a visit patient. There is proof there have been many studies that people have used medical marijuana or CBD to help with many conditions but MDs do not want to hear it as it would kill their business of turning their patients into addicts. Not one case on record of a single person dying from the use of marijuana. All the meds I am on have plenty of deaths either by long term use/misuse or the ones who no longer go on living their lives with never ending anxiety/panic etc and end up committing suicide. Not sure why and I think it's kind of unethical but my doctor has told me when he was late for my appointment or ended one abruptly and telling me he lost another patient to suicide. WHY WOULD HE TELL ME THIS.?? Unreal again sorry writing it all down gives me hope one day I will be OK and at peace. I try to remain positive but its tough I feel I have been on a downward spiral since my lay off. I tried and when I realized maybe try for a job in IT that is not as intense. No one ever contacted me. I have a lot of skills. I just never made it to that senior level engineer. I was even denied a P/T job at Lowes how humiliating is that. No one wanted to hire me regardless….. Seriously looking for answers…..