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Wed, Feb 20 3:52pm · Help for dealing with personality disorder in family member in Mental Health

@lisalucier Thank you for asking. It's been challenging. She is better than she was two weeks ago and it was decided that they were withdrawing her from the Effexor too fast. So they upped it again and I will see what happens when she is more stabilized. We had an emergency situation here with her and I did not like the way it was handled at all. I'm very proactive by nature and was told by my husband and son to let the experts do what they do. After several months of that, they wanted the bull back. 🙂 Yet I walk a very delicate line as she is an adult and needs to be empowered and make her own decisions. That verses the life experiences I have as an older person. Was not impressed with the therapist at all. The doctor I liked but didn't necessarily agree with, which is fine. I felt he had her best interests at heart. They are both doing fellowships at this hospital, which I was unaware of. I don't think I will meet with the therapist again, because as nice as I tried to be, she was being ridiculous and I spoke my mind which my daughter didn't like. So I think I'll stay out of that arena if I can. But it's hard. I wish this site had more members of parents with children who have mental problems. Just in speaking to a woman briefly that I recognized from when my daughter was in the hospital, helped me greatly. She was just speaking on how hard its been on her dealing with her granddaughter's illness. You never want to cross the line but I have so many questions I want answered. I just keep praying. Maybe things will improve. Thank you again for asking.

Fri, Feb 8 6:44pm · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

You are strong enough. I suggest you may want to read a book I bought on Amazon called, I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I lost my brother three and half years ago fairly suddenly. I was out of the country when he was rushed to the hospital and was diagnosed with cancer through out his body. He was only given 6 weeks to live but I was never made aware of this. He always protected me, and once again the word was out that no one was to tell me of his life expectancy. I had to put on the bravest face I could because I felt it was time for me to protect him. For me to step up and take care of him. When he passed away I was devastated and in shock. I have never experienced grief as I experienced it then. I did not know something could hurt physically so much. I was angry, in denial, guilty and overcome with such a sadness I can't even begin to describe. Someone told me at the wake, it's hard but it softens in time. I honestly could not see this ever happening. After about a year, the pain and sobbing subsided but it is never far from my mind. I don't think you ever get over someone you love. I think "softening" is the right word. It's not as raw. My personal opinion is that crying is good. You have to let it out and this may sound strange, but I bought a bunch of paint by number sets because it was the only thing that made me relax and stop thinking about him for a few hours. It's tough but it will get better. Don't give up.

Thu, Jan 31 1:52pm · Help for dealing with personality disorder in family member in Mental Health

I am happy to see the DBT skills are helping. My daughter is also in a program. I will look up acceptance commitment therapy. That's a new term to me. Thank you.

Thu, Jan 31 1:45pm · Help for dealing with personality disorder in family member in Mental Health

Thank you for posting this because I see your sister in my daughter. I sometimes think, unless you have actually witnessed, what goes on in my house on a daily basis, you wouldn't believe it. Especially the part where you wrote that someone else is living in your sister's body. Totally feel the same way about my daughter. Sometimes I look at her when she's not watching, and ask myself if she is still in there and how can I reach her. And I also feel that when I do help her, I get kicked in the teeth the next minute. Almost like she doesn't remember what happened only 6 hours ago. Most bizarre thing I've ever seen. She is out of her mind and I just don't understand. I don't understand that you can be this loving sweet girl and then develop this disorder, or come to the height of this order and you're looking at a totally different person. However, I do appreciate your post because I don't feel anyone really understands how complex this is and you seemed to hit the nail on the head. It makes me feel less alone.

Sat, Jan 26 11:45am · Help for dealing with personality disorder in family member in Mental Health

I am dealing with the same thing with my daughter. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I will be looking into these groups as well. So very hard. The only I have found on this journey so far is validating her feelings. I just say that I understand whatever it is she said to me and repeat it back to her. That's as far as I've gotten. Yet the person you are talking about sounds exactly like my daughter. Poor decisions with bad consequences which she continues to repeat over and over again. She rages for hours and can equally cry just as long. I never know what I'm waking up to each day. It blows my mind. I also seem to be the target but I think, I can totally be off base here, I'm the one that's always there for her and sometimes I feel like she is trying to separate from me. Like their is a strong dependency on me. I also think I'm the rule maker in the home and I don't sway from certain things I believe in. I still have to be her mother and watch out for her safety. So difficult though. She's flipped her car, another time hit a sign. She has tremendous guilt over everything, no sense of identity, no self confidence. Threatens to kill herself, which I believe is a real possibility which scares me the most. It's so heartbreaking and sad to me. She was with a therapist and psychiatrist but now have her in a program which offers DBT skills. I feel for you. So very, very hard.

Sat, Jan 26 11:23am · help with dealing with people with personality disorders in Mental Health

Thank you. I will check out that thread now. Much appreciated.

Sat, Jan 26 11:03am · Learning Disability in About Kids & Teens

This is an area I have some expertise in as my daughter also had learning disabilities. I have found, though this might not be the case for all, that it is hard to get services or continued services or to get a good evaluation from a school district alone. After being told numerous times the problem was at home and she was fine, I took her for testing myself which can be expensive but some insurance companies do cover it. She was diagnosed with numerous things but I felt the most helpful piece was when I took her to an audiologist who did testing for an auditory processing disorder. From there we found her a speech pathologist who helped her immensely. I think you have to pinpoint the problem first and work from there. I will tell you, my particular school district was not very helpful and I had to fight tooth and nail for services but it was so worth it. She is currently in college and is in the top 15% of her class. The way a child is taught with learning disabilities makes all the difference in the world. They learn differently, that's all.

Fri, Jan 25 11:03pm · help with dealing with people with personality disorders in Mental Health

Hi! I was wondering if anyone has any experience with Borderline Personality Disorder and if there are any suggestions on how to help a person that has it. My daughter has been diagnosed with it and depression and I am currently reading a book on it. She was hospitalized several months ago and has been put in a treatment center where she sees a psychiatrist, a therapist and is also getting DBT skills training which is really interesting. I finally get it and am starting to understand why my daughter is the way she is, which is helping me somewhat. Not going to lie, somedays I do all the right things and other days, I feel totally worn out and frustrated. Has anyone dealt with this and is there a possibility it will get better? I noticed validating her feelings does help a lot. She started off with depression after the break up with her boyfriend, was hospitalized recently, and is really having a tough time.