I think you are right. This time tomorrow we'll be sitting down to meal. The heart won't lie,
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Thank you guys. Yeah, can't actually wait to meet my little nephew. I've been sent so many pictures of him in the last few days and it's been an emotional worldwind. The one with my brother, dad and nephew has made me realize that family is important and I've been missing out on all that.
I'm going to go up town this evening and pick out something nice for our dinner/meeting on Friday because I really do want to make an impression.
Was up all night again just going over things and how it all went so wrong, and I played a huge part in that (I still harbor feelings of immense guilt for leaving for Dublin so soon after my Mum's death while my Dad nearly drank himself to death and ended up having the stroke. My family needed me and I chose the easy way out by moving 300 miles away with my partner because I couldn't cope with her death myself).
I went to the Pharmacy this morning and collected Lyrica 2x 50mg but haven't taken any so far because I want to get through this period of apprehensive anxiety without the use of extra meds. My prescription for Halcion has expired, but the pharmacist told me that if I need more to go to my Doctor in the morning and she will have no problems giving it to me.
I dropped off for two hours just a while ago. I really needed it because I was exhausted to be honest and running on caffeine (Not a good idea when you're already a nervous wreck) and cigarettes alone. It felt amazing to just shut off and get some sleep, even for that little period of time.
The one thing myself and my brother have not discussed or touched on in the last two days is mum. I so deeply want to tell that she would be so proud of him becoming a Dad and herself becoming a Grandmother but I don't want to upset the apple cart. Perhaps in time to come,
How do I feel about the messages? To be honest I'm quite shocked. I didn't expect it to run so deep emotionally at such an early stage.
He has been sending me pictures of my nephew too and told me how fatherhood has changed him so much and that he never expected to feel the way he does now.
The restaurant we are dining at on Friday is a place called Luigi Malone's here in the city. It's a very nice Italian place located across from the Opera House.
It's now 1:20am and I'm not able to sleep just going over and over the conversation on Messenger. I know it's silly, but my brain is absolutely buzzing.
Sorry for the very late reply. I was in such a nervous state last night that I took a sleeping pill and ended up staying in bed until this evening.
I honestly don't know how he feels, but by the messages we've been exchanging since yesterday he seems to be communicating with me like we never had the relationship problems.
I'm meeting himself, my nephew and his partner for lunch at a very nice Italian restaurant on Friday. My nerves are shattered just thinking about it.
This seems like a great idea. Thank you so much for the suggestion. I've been messaging my brother on messenger earlier this evening and he is as keen as me to build Bridges and meet with his family. He sent me pictures of his son with my Dad in the care home and I got emotional, but in a good way if you know what I mean?
It was a little strange seeing the three of them and it looks like my Dad is smiling at my nephew, which is a fantastic thing. Hopefully there'll be a photograph of the four of us (Myself, my brother, my nephew and my dad) taken soon. I'm doing my utter best to control my emotions right now and am still quite apprehensive about the proceedings but I'm going to try and remain positive and try to look forward. I just hope and pray that things will be ok,
It's everything really that's sending my tail spinning. How do I greet him? What will we talk about? How will I react to meeting his son for the first time? Will we be able to reconnect after years apart? I actually rang a support line and broke down into tears as I discussed everything with one of the support volunteers. It's three weeks to Christmas and I feel (I apologise for saying this) emotionally destroyed thinking about my Mum and my Dad in a care home in Waterford following a stroke due to severe alcohol withdrawal in 2011. It should be a happy time for me, yet I'm filled with emotional upheaval and anxiety ridden. I'm so sorry to be withering on.
Sorry I haven't been on in days, but going through quite an emotional and anxiety ridden time. As people know, my Ma (Mum) passed away in 2010 from Colon Cancer. I then left my hometown with my partner and moved to Dublin as he got a job offer with a very prestigious company, thus cutting my family out of my life during a very bad time in my life where my addiction to alcohol spiralled out of control. My nephew was born during the summer, and because of not being in contact with my brother I have never met him. Thankfully, with the help of a dear friend who kindly acted as a mediator, myself and my brother have agreed to make contact with each other after a very, very long time. My friend, Freda, sent me pictures of my nephew and I guess I am very emotional and sad, yet positive that things can work out after all these years just in time for Christmas. Because the anxiety is so bad I've been taking 50mg Lyrica x2 daily and also 40mg Propranolol x2 daily for the last three days. I didn't sleep a wink last night with everything in my head so I actually went to the pharmacy and collected one 0.25mg Halcion, which are on PRN to help me tonight. I guess with the festive season coming in I feel not so great, but am really trying to be positive and look to the future.