I'd go along with Leonard on new neurologist blood. Having a good neurologist has been a disappointment for a lot of people. Not all 10 yr educations came out of the best schools with the same top scores. They are just humans. Some got a D or a C and still got their licenses. The only reason I've been getting away with not having a new neurologist for the last 6 yrs is because my seizures are 90-95% controlled with no GM for 8 yrs. The current neurologist bought my then urologist's business when she moved out of state. I already had some control. I believe, reading here and just internet, for a few years, that 90% control (in my case) is good fortune not necessarily good treatment. You don't have to drop your current neurologist to interview with others. Check them out first, even BBB etc. See what their practice has been, and what studies were. Leonard may have a few how-to suggestions there. Go to the interview with all questions, as if they were interviewing for you,,, they are! When interviewing, ask them if they would have anything to add to your descriptions of your treatment and how many patients like you do they have. They likely as a matter of good business practice will not comment on some things, but may. Even if not, that will tell you something about their level.
Re: Drug adjustment/use and XR (extended release)
My drug use story here, is my current one drug only I'm afraid. I'm 63, seizures since 22, 12-14 different meds, 6 neurologists between Chicago-Carbondale IL-Denver. Current directions on 500mg limictalXR: 2- 250mg when waking for the last 2 years. Prior to that, 500mg limicatal(non XR) for 6 yrs. I went from Limictal to LamictalXR because most of my pettie mal started 5 min from waking, continuing to mid afternoon. That nonXR originally when used: 1st 250 mg when waking and 250mg at 12 noon, was in and out of me too fast to control late afternoon. NonXR has been out approx 10 yrs, XR about 3. Neurologists, when tuning in their patients seizure frequency, once a drug is providing some control, will "usually" adjust drug levels and not enter with different meds. That will not always be the case when seizures are so frequent that reducing the number of seizures is more important than adjustment. That's how some treatments get into 3 and 4 drug use.
You said, "I wrote her to ask if there was a med i could take during the middle of the day because I was having most of my seizures and auras during that time." NOTE: I DO NOT advise anyone to adjust their med directions without their neurologist. Limictal XR after swallowing takes about 4-6 hrs before it's reaction time. It's shell is tough and the stomach takes longer to open it than a softer pill. My taking 2-250mgXR 1st thing in the AM did nothing for that first portion of my day when I'm having petite mal within 5 minutes of waking. On my own I got up at 2-3 AM, ate the first pill, then back to bed, so it was in action when waking at 6AM. I took the 2nd when I waking to cover AM and afternoon seizures. When the neurologist said, "I'd like you to try some new drugs", I asked if I could try what I just described above with my getting up at night. I already had good results for 6 mos. The next visit I had 1 yr of good control and said, "it seems to give me good control etc." Again…I WILL NEVER advise anyone to adjust their med directions. The above is only to illustrate adjustments outside time periods and before using larger doses. Not all drugs have XR offered. But, ask the neurologist about XR drugs and time shifts. On line look up your meds and their action periods/behavior ("action" may not be the correct term).
What was going on during my BEST and worst control periods (poor as it may have been) would be what I'd ask myself. What was going on, as in… was stress taking place "before" loss of drug control and frequency, or was stress the result of loss of control? Sounds like yours has been both but check it out drawing a timeline on paper if easier. I would say I'm a little more predisposed to stress than most people and, I would say stress, 90% of the time, preceded loss of control virtually every time, 2 weeks or 6 month cycles, over the last 35 years. And, stress during loss of control, when not present before extended the period of loss. One can't just say, "ok, I'm going to stop stressing". Perhaps your stress is a contributor to your not getting good information on control because, stress levels go up-down. Your neurological reaction to stress may not be 10 minutes after a high stress period.
Husband and best friends:
You may not be able to get rid of your husband or his behavior. Jake covered it. I have had the same shortness with people in my life. I've done 2 things, not to fix but maneuver with less stress. 1) Understand that if they were in your shoes for a couple years they wouldn't do it. There is nothing wrong with you. The husband I hope doesn't do this in front of other people. If so, he has no idea how he looks. I have to let it roll off and to myself say, "They just don't get it. They don't know any better". It hurts because you don't want someone you love to hurt you. It's the same attitude some have for street people. It's very similar to prejudice for any race. You kind of have to overlook their inability if you are going to live with them. 2) When I get the short frustration face from someone about my memory: Not sarcastically I'll say, "Sorry about that. I hate it too. You should try a good dose of it sometime", rolling your eyes and chuckling a bit. Sounds sarcastic but say it as though it doesn't mean that much to you to forget again and that it's something that is happening to you, not something you did. It's not fun looking at your wife/husband and thinking, they just don't understand but, it's true. For your child, when he teases you, who is still teachable, "Oh honey, If you were missing a finger or leg (then hold or touch it), I'd always love you. Just like your friends". I really shouldn't comment on your husband out loud or on paper here. Mayo would probably throw me off the boat forever. It's a big pill to swallow but, you are not alone if it helps a little!