I am so sorry what you both are going through. It hurts my heart for what you and others are going through and this is the only way I know to try and help.
I cannot say I really know what you are going through because we all are different. Being physically, mentally, and sexually abused at a young age and knowing your brothers, sisters, mother was going through the same thing took it's toll on me mentally. I am 57 and deal with this secret all the time. I have GAD, MDD, and Anxiety, Panic attacks, etc. All the things that come with depression and more things that it has caused. I dealt with it the best I knew how as a child and a adult. That is all we can do. Try to deal with it and hope something will help us. I am not proud of how I dealt with it. So I did the best I could. I learned after being older however that just because I did not beat my children or other things, I lacked loving them the way I should have. I wrapped myself up in work not to think of my abuse but in the mean time not thinking of what I should have been doing with them. I don't think I let them know how much I loved them. I can't remember if I told them enough or not. thank God they are both good adults. No drugs or alcohol problems and they both work.
Now to get to the part we are all different on how we handle things. My siblings and I are close. We all love each other and we help people if we can. The only hate I felt is for the person who did this to us. One handles the abuse until she drinks too much then all men are dogs and becomes verbally violent. She is a hard worker and always have been. She gives to those in need. The other drinks all the time, did drugs, and wanted revenge all the time, could be abusive at a times. He could not hold down a job. He helps the people he can that need it. The other handles it like I do but better. She is a hard worker also. She gives to people in need. As the years went by for me I dealt with it by drinking sometimes but mostly what helped, which might sound out of sorts to some, is knowing that there are people out there who went through worse. I tell myself it could have been so much worse than what we went through. There is always questions as to why? Why do people hurt others? How can they hurt their own children, wife, husband? Why? Why? Why?
What helps me now and makes me feel better is this grandchild I have been raising since she was 2 weeks old. She is almost 4 now. She was a gift from God. How do I know? It came to me in a dream that there will be a baby in our lives. Of course I dismissed it as being a silly dream but when it came true and when we took the picture in my dream I knew she was a gift from God. So the laughter and love she brings with her helps me so much with this depression. It still will come back when I become overly stress like happened when I joined here recently, but she helps pull me out of it.
I hope no one takes this in the wrong way. I am just trying to help someone, anyone. I hate to see, hear, people are hurting. I have not said much on here because I do see people who are hurting way more than I am. I feel all my problems are petty compared to most the people on here. I hope by telling this story it helps someone in some way.