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Posts (23)

May 7, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

Yes I realize that, and agree, but I believe this is due more to me grieving and hurting those I care about, and they just couldn't handle it. so abandoned me, so they wouldn't be hurt further. So when I seek forgiveness , its easier to just not respond to me.
Kathy

May 2, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

Thanks for the reply, good advice, but live in very small town, and the closest evangelical church is quite a ways away, next town. I found that if its not close you dont become a regular attender. But am considering of moving back to where I grew up, where I can be closer to family. Just in the looking stage. I just dont understand what I believed to be a outreaching loving community to totally leave me so alone, especially when they told my husband that they would make sure I would be ok, and the pastor told me he would never give up on me or abandon me. But that is just what has seemed to happen.
At a lose for words.
Kathy

May 1, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

No, its very small, When I have gone, like for funerals etc. I am left totally alone, so is easier to stay away. Dont know if you have ever been in a crowd, and felt alone, but that is how I feel in my church. People say hi and walk away, no one asks me sit with them, or wants to talk with me. Just a tough situation, I believe they are following the lead of the person I hurt.
Kathy

May 1, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

Thanks, I know that my time is my choice, but God's timing. that's why I still here. I just wish I knew what His purpose is for me. Not so good at the patience thing.
All my attempts at talking with the person has been ignored, Dont know what else to do. Just to keep praying that they can heal, and eventually want to reconcile.
Kathy

May 1, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

Thank you, I too have heard many sermons on Joy, and at this point not experienced it after the death of my husband, But as I read in my devotions joy is not an emotion, its a gift. And a gift from God. I believe that God will let me receive joy again, just not right now. I will wait, and pray that my friends will understand.
I trust you will continue to heal too, I only wish that I had my church friends could be my listening, understanding friends. they dont have to relate cause they cant. but just be there for me, cause I miss them, and our friendship.
Just want to be needed again, to have purpose in life, other then work, life has no meaning for me anymore.
Kathy

May 1, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

Thank you, that all makes perfect, but the reason I am not going back is not about me. Its about some one else, who I care very much for and dont want them hurt anymore by me being there. and until they ask me to come back, I dont feel they are ready to see me every Sunday. My heart aches every Sunday to be there. I listen to every sermon on pod cast, just to feel a part of whats going on. My heart is so heavy, knowing that this person cant seem to forgive me. Yes I have asked, but no reply, And to mention that I lashed out in my grief, not wanting to hurt, but was just hurting so much my self. Not an excuse I know, But dont understand why people dont realize that hurting people hurt. I know that doesn't excuse my actions, and I believe that God has forgiven me. But others apparently cant. So I wait and pray that God will heal, and they will eventually want me to come back. in the mean time I wait and pray for healing. So hard as I end up spending much time alone. Which I know is not good for me.
Dont know what else to do. I dont want anyone hurt anymore cause of me.
so better me alone, then to cause more trouble.
Maybe God will just answer my prayers and take me home to be with my husband, and best friend.
Kathy

May 1, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

Thank you Mark for replying. My feeling here are no longer important. I know that God loves me and that will have to be enough. I am trying with Gods help to not be resentful, or to hold anything against anyone who have hurt me. I have forgiven them and will continue to do so, cause I know that satan will continue to attack. I just want all the hurt to go away, and for my friends to understand that I was in a dark place, and things are getting lighter, but sure would be nice to have my church family back, cause I surly do miss the fellowship. And believe I need it to completely be able to grieve. To have the loving arms and support of those who used to care for me. My husband told me before he died to stay in the church because they would look out for me and take care of me. But to my dismay they have turned their backs, because it was taking me so long to " get over it". But I guess unless you have lost someone so close to you, you cant understand. So I try to hold nothing against anyone.
Kathy

Apr 28, 2018 · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

Yes, I agree, and at first they were, but I guess they think it should be time to get over it, and they moved on, when I still wasn't ready, so I have been left out.
So I just stay away'
Cant do therapists, as I have no insurance. and is hard for me to talk to strangers, at least face to face.
Thanks for your note.
Kathy