Thank you, that all makes perfect, but the reason I am not going back is not about me. Its about some one else, who I care very much for and dont want them hurt anymore by me being there. and until they ask me to come back, I dont feel they are ready to see me every Sunday. My heart aches every Sunday to be there. I listen to every sermon on pod cast, just to feel a part of whats going on. My heart is so heavy, knowing that this person cant seem to forgive me. Yes I have asked, but no reply, And to mention that I lashed out in my grief, not wanting to hurt, but was just hurting so much my self. Not an excuse I know, But dont understand why people dont realize that hurting people hurt. I know that doesn't excuse my actions, and I believe that God has forgiven me. But others apparently cant. So I wait and pray that God will heal, and they will eventually want me to come back. in the mean time I wait and pray for healing. So hard as I end up spending much time alone. Which I know is not good for me.
Dont know what else to do. I dont want anyone hurt anymore cause of me.
so better me alone, then to cause more trouble.
Maybe God will just answer my prayers and take me home to be with my husband, and best friend.