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Sat, Mar 30 5:41pm · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

I appreciate the suggestions of going to the cemetery and talking to my mom about some of my feelings that might be coming out in dreams. I'm not able to do this, since she donated her entire body as an anatomical bequest to the U of M medical school, as did her mother before her. We are not having her ashes returned to us, instead they will be held in a joint colombarium or something when the school is finished with them.

I have been trying to talk to her out loud a bit lately to just try to recognize her ongoing presence in my life, which is very hard for me to feel. I'm a deeply spiritual, empathetic person, a Presbyterian minister, and I've been surprised that she feels so far away from me. No signs, no meaningful dreams, no "presence." Just absence. It's incredibly painful.

Sat, Mar 30 5:56am · Loss and Grief: How are you doing? in Loss & Grief

I've been reading through so many of your posts. My mom died in November, at the age of 82, but unexpectedly. She had been a single parent, and raised not only me, but was a foster parent to 58 children over more than 40 years. She was my best friend and we talked every day for over 20 years, although we had an atypical relationship in which I grew up as a mini-adult, so she was more a friend to me than someone who was nurturing as a mother. Complicated relationship, and I'm grieving deeply.

My dad, who I had a relationship with, even though my parents were divorced, passed away the year before, after fighting Alzheimer's for five years. I was relieved for him that his struggle was over, and the grief journey hasn't been as painful.

What is bothering me the most is that I'm having nightmares and bad dreams about my mom — she's always very angry with me, and in the last one, tried to suffocate me. I have no idea what to do with such awful stuff. I spend my days crying for the mom I miss so much, and then this stuff comes out at night?

Yes, I do have a therapist to talk to, as well as a grief group which starts in a couple of weeks.

Fri, Mar 29 11:47pm · Crying for Your Health? in Loss & Grief

I find myself crying a lot. It's not an unusual response for me when I'm sad or even angry, so I try to let myself be okay with it. But I can't say I find it very healing or cathartic or anything. I don't feel better after I've cried. It just is.

I do have to say that the one time I get irritated with the tears in this time of grieving is their timing especially of when I've just gone to bed. That's because I have a Cpap mask on at that time, and with the tears and runny nose inside it — it just gets very complicated! I hate it.

Tue, Jan 1 8:33pm · The Journey of Grieving in Loss & Grief

I guess I just answered my own question. I'm struggling so much with the loss of my mom, who died suddenly on November 14th. She was 82, full of faith, and didn't suffer, so everyone is telling me it was a "good death" as those things go. But I am devastated. And I woke up from a dream this morning where someone had just told me of her death anew, and I had just been about to call her about something, and it all hit me as if I hadn't known about it for a month and a half, but had just learned of it. It's been a very rough day.

Tue, Jan 1 8:26pm · The Journey of Grieving in Loss & Grief

How do I post to this group?

Jan 11, 2018 · Long-term depression in Depression & Anxiety

Having a difficult day today…my depression has been better for the last three weeks, but it takes so much to maintain any sort of wellness. I use a light box, take meds, do therapy, volunteer, try to get some exercise, and still….there are difficult days, weeks, or even months. Today it is dark and snowing like crazy, and I’m just not doing well, despite doing many of the above activities. Ugh.