We all have secret hurts and pains that really affect us if we don’t try to deal with them. I don’t deal with mine at all hardly and keep them pushed as far down as I can. I know it’s not healthy. I’d like to encourage you to keep journaling. It’s safe, it’s private and it’s a release! As a severe depression sufferer I understand your thoughts of harming yourself but it can be overcome. I think you’re definitely on the right path with your therapist and I’m very glad you have someone you can trust. We are here for each other in a safe and judgement free place. Feel free to share anything you want.