Hello georgette: Same disease, different (?) circumstances perhaps. I’m 75 and I so relate. This is my first visit to the site and my first entry. It is comforting to find others to whom no explanation is needed. I didn’t know I had an illness until the late 80’s. I simply attributed my behaviors to being of poor character. Alcoholism (I’ve been sober 47 years), multiple sexual partners, three marriages but single since 1985. I knew back then no one should have to ‘put up with me’. Pre-menstrual times were pure insanity for me and all around me. My relationship with my two sons suffered to the point that I had no contact with one for almost twenty years; it’s been almost 35 years since my older son has visited me. They’ve both called me ‘crazy’ but don’t quite get that crazy is an illness over which I’ve no control.
I have two granddaughters I don’t know. And I don’t know how I am still alive. I do believe in God and that is the ONLY help I get. I have nothing to lean on but this. I wish I had a solution for you and for the younger people who’ve written in. Not by choice do we live in a world not of our choosing. Recently I went through about two months of Hell with as deep and dark a depression as I’ve ever experienced, desperately wanting to end my life and exploring online every form of suicide. Only through prayer was I able to slowly come out of it, sort of. It doesn’t leave…It only goes into hibernation. To outward appearances I am an intelligent, composed elderly lady. But the truth lies within.
No one but we understand the level of pain that mental illness creates. Thank you for this opportunity.