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Jun 26, 2017 · Broken Hearted, What can I do? in Women's Health

Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde. Sound familiar? I lived in a similar situation for 6 years. Make a plan to escape, even though it may not seem dangerous now, a person with an abusive tendency could become extremely violent if they think they might lose their mate.
It took me 5 years to leave (many emotional & physical scars). I thought it was me, that “if only I. . .” I believed I couldn’t make it on my own. I had low self-esteem and lacked self-confidence. I also battled with religious beliefs. It’s hard to find the courage to leave an unhealthy relationship, only you can decide if you should leave.

Below is some information you may find helpful. BTW, I ended my relationship with my abuser 32 years ago. Today, I am remarried to a kind, loving man. My baby son witnessed the abuse for 3 years, and he was what gave me the courage to leave. I didn’t want him to see his momma be abused any longer, it’s most often a learned behavior. I had to stop the chain.

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.

Anyone can be an abuser. They come from all groups, all cultures, all religions, all economic levels, and all backgrounds. They can be your neighbor, your pastor, your friend, your child’s teacher, a relative, a coworker — anyone. It is important to note that the majority of abusers are only violent with their current or past intimate partners. One study found 90% of abusers do not have criminal records and abusers are generally law-abiding outside the home.

There is no one typical, detectable personality of an abuser. However, they do often display common characteristics.

An abuser often denies the existence or minimizes the seriousness of the violence and its effect on the victim and other family members.
An abuser objectifies the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual objects.
An abuser has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world. He or she may appear successful, but internally, they feel inadequate.
An abuser externalizes the causes of their behavior. They blame their violence on circumstances such as stress, their partner’s behavior, a “bad day,” on alcohol, drugs, or other factors.
An abuser may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence and is often seen as a “nice person” to others outside the relationship.
Red flags and warning signs of an abuser include but are not limited to:

Extreme jealousy
Possessiveness
Unpredictability
A bad temper
Cruelty to animals
Verbal abuse
Extremely controlling behavior
Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships
Forced sex or disregard of their partner’s unwillingness to have sex
Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honor agreed upon methods
Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens
Sabotage or obstruction of the victim’s ability to work or attend school
Controls all the finances
Abuse of other family members, children or pets
Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair
Control of what the victim wears and how they act
Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly
Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
Harassment of the victim at work
For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.