I went to the hotel (The Wyndhan Gardens, Austin, Tx.) My sister was going to go with, but our Aunt died. She lived in Oklahoma. (Wish I had gone to the funeral instead, but I was so excited about the conference, meeting new people who might be able to help me or point me in the right direction, etc….) I was there at the hotel and had a Panic (an Anxiety Attack). I could not do ANYTHING the morning of the conference or any other time but sleep. I stayed in bed from that first night until the next morning, tried to force myself to get dressed and go, but I couldnt so I just took medicine and went back to sleep. I ordered food up to my room because I was afraid of running in to her.
I certainly couldnt afford that hotel, and especially ordering food to the room! I wish I could have just left and gone back home that day, but I couldnt even do that. Then I stayed the second night, and then one more night. And all I could think about was the money I was spending that I could have bought myself a new pair of glasses with. My good ones broke. I tried to make the one order of food last as long as I could, then finally left Monday morning.
I was so very disgusted with myself all I could do was cry or sleep. I cried all the way home…5 hours of driving.
If someone could have been there with me, I believe they could have talked me out of it, but I was alone and useless.
I thought about calling Cindy Casey, but I knew she was busy and didnt want to bother her. Afterall, it was HER conference!!
Have you ever had one or either? I hadn't had one in a very long time. Actually, I think this was the WORST one yet.. The angrier I got at myself, the worse it got.
I wrote Cindy and apologized, and to tell her about it, even told her I would send the scholarship $$ back to her and try to pay for someone to go next year, too.
The next thing I knew, she wrote me back and was so ANGRY with me. I felt awful. I still dont know why she treated me like she did. I poured my heart out with the truth of it all (as I experienced it in my mind).
Needless to say, I didnt go to the conference.
Elizabeth Bass 🥀