Autism and I go way back. As far as I can remember. And I can remember as far back as my infancy. Can any of you Auties remember before you were a year old? I would love to have you tell us your story.
Steps. So many steps. And Neurotypical people wonder why we Auties burn out, seem antisocial, and have melt downs. My youngest daughter, who just had a baby a month ago, was explaining all she had to do in order to prepare for the baby. The list went on and on. I was tired before she finished. "So many steps!"
I couldn't help but think about how ironic that statement was. She was explaining my life, everyday, with that statement. And she is not Autistic. She is ADHD, and does have a few traits from her beloved Mama. That is to be expected, of course. Everything I do, every day of my life has so many steps. It is exhausting.
Learning how to present as Neurotypical in this society is exhausting to us Auties. We hate small talk yet we must learn a bit about it or we are perceived rude and uncaring everywhere we go. That's just the way life is.
Some situations can be life threatening, if not approached properly. Witness the shootings of persons who could not follow a police officer's directions. Delays in language or auditory processing, can appear to be defiance and endangerment to an untrained law enforcer's eye. The end result can be deadly.
My challenge today is to simply show up at an ER and present my shingles, which advanced precariously close to my eyeball during the night. The eyelid itself is red, my cornea is scratchy, and it looks a bit red in certain areas. I want to be proactive and go ahead and go before it gets any worse. That's what the nurse practitioner told me to do. Go at the first sign of irritation on the cornea.
Going to the emergency room is like going to the police station to me. I feel intimidated. I feel like they have all the power over me. And if I make one mistake they will throw the book at me. I feel judged. But I have learned so much from all of you. I have been encouraged to be strong, and to do self care. I have been told that I am good enough, that I am worthy, that there is a greater purpose going on here and I am part of it.
I feel loved and supported. I feel like I have friends and family here. It gives me hope that I can slay the dragons in my path. You all are amazing. And if I can ever do anything for you, I'm your girl. Can I ask you for responses about this dissertation? Do any of you have major concerns about going to the ER? Please let me know.