I'm attaching a 4×6" card that I made several of and keep it to remind me of how to respond to a person with dementia. It does no good to argue with them.
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I am doing well and have had two follow-up appointments with my primary physician and the surgeon. All is well, and I am slowly getting back into my normal activities. It is just 3 weeks from my surgery and everyone tells me it will take time. I'm trying to be patient. I don't think my husband really understands how serious it all was, as his memory is in 10 minute times now, and he sleeps most of the time I am there. We had Thanksgiving dinner with him at the care center and they make it into a real celebration, so h enjoyed that and my family appreciates all they do. In the winter I just take one day at a time. If school is cancelled, I just stay home.
@indiana Scott Thanks for your great story of your Thanksgiving, Since I am a 13 generation descendant of the Pilgrims who landed in Massachusetts 348 years ago, I always feel rejected when all the stores and now even the town Christmas celebrations begin before Thanksgiving. It's like we have fortgotten the many contributions our Pilgrim fathers gave us through the Mayflower Compact from which contributed many of the ideas for the US Constitution, and our own government. I will not start my Christmas preparation until at least the day after Thanksgiving. The first Sunday in December was always the special day in my home as I was growing up. The Christmas tree was put up and decorated, a living one cut from a large hedge that grew across the front of our yard. Then my grandma and mother got busy with all kinds of cookies and candy to prepare boxes for the neighbors, the mail carrier, the milk man, church pastors. and friends. Even during WWII we had candy and cookies as my mother and grandmother were gifted in adapting recipes to use sorghum which was locally grown to sweeten almost anything. Our gifts were almost all hand made by someone in the family. My doll house was created by my father from a wooden apple crate, and I was overjoyed to find it under the Christmas tree. My grandmother always made fresh wreaths from clippings from the same hedge that provided our Christmas tree. All of our teachers received one every year at Christmas. Those were the days.
I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving and count all your blessings even in the midst of your trials.
I had another meeting with our County VA director. He called Minneapolis again and supposedly the waver we had asked for was approved, but they hadn't let me know and withheld my husband's November payment. Problem supposed to be solved. We'll see. They are supposed to send me a letter, but it will be a form letter that tells nothing pertaining to his case. UHG!
No, I din't think I need any followup contact with ICU. They were so helpful while I was there. I told my kids it was like being at a spa without being able to eat anything. It was just helpful to be able to read others in this list and know that the "separation" I was feeling was normal, and would improve with time. I've been able to drive, with my daughter riding along, to visit my husband who is an a Care Center 45 minutes away. I didn't feel comfortable making that long trip alone at first, but I'm fine now and assuming my regular daily activities. Maybe a little slower but that will improve I'm sure.
I'm glad I stumbled across this morning when reading my Mayo Clinic Connect newsletter which I have been receiving since subscribing? several years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease with vascular dementia. That was a very stressful time, and the dementia support group helped me so much to understand what was going on and how I could process all of it. Now, I have just returned home after being in ICU five days and a day and a half on the surgical floor following emergency perforated peptic ulcer surgery. I also had Afib about 6 hours after surgery and a tube through my nose draining my stomach. The Afib righted itself about 12 hours later after meds kicked in. Didn't need any further treatment for that. I also experienced the feeling of being abandoned after being transferred to the surgical floor on the day before my release. It was so quite and I was used to someone checking on me almost hourly and now I saw no one. Since I was at the farthest room from the nurses' station, I didn't even hear any noises. I came home with a long list of meds and lots of instructions, but I have been so tired.
From other's messages, I will just have to realize it will take longer than I thought to get back to my busy self. I am 83 years old, but very active. Live in my own home, drive my car, involved in several organizations, editing a newsletter for three of them, and keep busy with church activities as well as visiting my husband, age 88, at the care center every other day. It is about a 45 minute drive to see him, so I have a couple friends who are giving me rides to see him for the next couple weeks. My daughter lives about 10 blocks away but isn't able to drive. She gets around by bicycle which isn't much of an option for me.
Oct 5, 2018 · Caregiver for spouse with MCI (Mild cognitive impairment) in Caregivers
Janeejane, I think you are on to something with the Neuro Psych test. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease with vascular dementia about three years ago. We have a good VA clinic locally and when I voiced some concerns about inappropriate decisions he had made, they suggested he be seen by a psychologist and helped set up the appointment. Before his appointment, I wrote down everything that I was concerned with and rather than trying to tell her in front of him, I just handed her the paper as we arrived and she was able to use my comments to help diagnose his problems. Since one of the things was his having a couple falls where he would black out for just a few minutes. She told him he shouldn't be driving as these might happen while he was driving, and he accepted it from her. Never tried to drive again. Really took a load off me as I had been dreading that for a while. I hope you will receive help and keep contacting us here at Connect. We are with you.
I heartily agree with the suggestion to go to church. I had been unable to attend my church for about 5 years, and when I was finally free of the caregiving (well almost as my husband of 63 years is i a nursing home) I went back and we have our own little support group that is always there on Sunday morning. Many of the people who I knew had lost spouses, but I didn't know at the time that they had dementia, gave me lots of support and still do. I'm still traveling the road but not alone anymore.