What is your behavioral oncology appointment like?

Posted by leafromiowa @leafromiowa, Oct 17 11:12am

I was diagnosed on August 13, 2025. Since then, I’ve had two 1-hour sessions with my behavioral oncologist (grad student). I have another one set for October 28th. But what is supposed to happen during this time? I don’t leave feeling any better. My first appointment, I left feeling more embarrassed than anything. For whatever reason, I ended up telling her not only about my diagnosis, but also about the recent loss of my parents, as well as my dysfunctional family life growing up. It wasn’t even about my cancer. She looked like she didn’t know what to say, like she’s never spoken with someone who had been through so much recent trauma. Her responses were along the lines of “Oh. Wow. That had to be hard.” My second appointment, we just spoke about how things were going, and what my kids were up to. We also talked about how Iowa now has the 2nd highest and fastest rising cancer rate in the US (we are in Iowa). For any of you who also have therapy, is this the therapy you get? Am I missing something? I feel like what I tell her are the exact things I tell my friends and family.

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Zebra | @californiazebra | Oct 18 5:37am

I remember before I had my double mastectomy and ovaries out at the same time 12 years ago they had me meet with a seasoned social worker for one visit prior to surgery. I remember her asking how I felt about everything, how my family felt and what type of support system I had. I’m strong mentally and didn’t feel like I needed the visit, but she did give me one great piece of advice when I indicated I wouldn’t need much help from anyone. She said, “Don’t rob others of the opportunity to help you because you’ll make them feel helpless.” That was great advice. I needed more physical help recovering than I thought I would due to pain issues and her advice let me accept help without feeling like a burden. If you don’t feel you need more sessions then maybe just tell them that. Maybe friends are your best support. Best of luck to you.

margmo24 | @margmo24 | Oct 18 9:08am

Hi. So much changed with my mental health after hearing the diagnosis. Then everything moves in lightning speed after that day. I had a DMX with a bad experience with the tissue expanders and put on anastrozole. With the prolonged daily pain along with the mood changes from having all my estrogen ripped from my body my mental health took a toll on my body. Not too mention the continued concerns about everything I put in my body. It was about a year later when I started seeing a therapist. This has been extremely helpful. I can't stress that enough!!! I recently started a women's cancer thrivers group in my community. The very first night a woman came to the group and was finally able to tell people who completely understand what she has been going through with her breast cancer journey. The relief in her eyes brought me to tears. They have a couple of on line groups through this Mayo connect site, and you may be able to find a local support group by searching. Our bodies have gone through such a change, and we have survived, Hallelujah! Let's work on the thriving part of it. God speed pink sister!

Denise | @denisestlouie | Oct 19 12:58am

All behavioral oncology is is therapy. I don't know why mental health therapy started being called behavioral health. Probably to reduce the stigma of mental health.

I wouldn't want my therapy from a student. I believe strongly in seeking out mental health therapy during treatment and beyond if necessary, but find someone you are comfortable talking to about embarrassing topics.

I saw one therapist for a year. It was helpful and frustrating. I don't think she and I were a good fit.

When I returned to therapy I found a different therapist. She was a much better fit and I felt supported and it was valuable.

jardinera25 | @jardinera25 | Oct 20 12:01pm

I read somewhere that having a "Palliative Care Nurse" was advantageous (not a hospice person) in helping you deal with a difficult diagnosis, supporting you and helping with symptom relief, etc. Well I found one at my major Cancer center, but she listened well, but I felt she was supporting the doctor more than me. I was expecting an advocate. When I said I had misgivings about the side effects of the level of drugs I was given & could we talk with her about that, she said "Well, I can't just tell her what drugs to give you!" I felt unsupported. BUT, I was offered a Social Worker to talk to (very experienced) and she has been wonderful as a listener, a guide & telling me that I'm in charge, etc. SO, it all depends on finding a good person, no matter their title.

Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | Oct 31 5:59pm

@leafromiowa. I'm not entirely certain what a behavioral oncologist is and you mentioned this was a student? I'm aware of clinical psychology doctoral programs and postdoctoral clinical psychology programs with specialities in oncology.

From what you wrote it sounds like the behavioral oncology student listened which I suppose is good but then wasn't certain what to offer to you. When there is already loss, as with your parents, cancer diagnoses are that much more difficult. I went through that with my own diagnosis. Here you are with the anxiety and ambiguity associated with breast cancer, trying to make the decisions that are best for you, and grieving your parents.

Even when we come from families with a lot of dysfunction and when are parents are alive we'd like to distance ourselves from them, they are our parents. So our feelings are often very mixed. We wished we'd had more loving parents, more adjusted parents, better home lives and yet we did not. What to do with this? It all rears up big time when you're facing something difficult yourself. My husband's years growing up were just terrible and while he supported his mom when his dad died in some ways he didn't really grieve his dad. When his mom died he and his sister who had been estranged from one another did come together to manage the estate. But the trauma of those years as a young boy made the grieving so difficult and he wasn't facing a cancer diagnosis.

It sounds to me like you might benefit from working with a therapist who has worked with cancer patients, is trauma-informed, and has a background in working with trauma. You might ask your cancer care team for a referral and let them know that while the behavioral oncologist you've been seeing is a nice-enough person, it's not a good fit for you.

Your appointment with the behavioral oncologist was scheduled for October 28th. Did you keep the appointment and if so, how was it? Do you think you might like to meet with someone else?

timely | @timely | 6 days ago

I totally agree that you need to work with an experienced professional therapist.

This student doesn’t seem to have read about trauma, family disfunctions and deaths in the family.

Not all are cut out for working with trauma patients.

Breast Cancer patients have faced a high level of trauma both before surgery and aftercare and way beyond that.

If she is planning on dealing with trauma patients, she must at least step up to the job and figure out how to offer comfort and ideas of support to get patients through crisis.

She is not grounded in any knowledge at all.
Breast cancer patients on here know more about these topics than her.

This has to be disappointing for you.
Definitely time to move on and work with someone with a degree and skills.

roses2 | @roses2 | 5 days ago

I am saddened by the response you got from the therapist. I went to one last month and had the same result. She was probably no more than 26 and ready to have her baby. We got into my childhood and lack of support from family. I left her office feeling that it was a waste of time. The worst part is that she labeled me with a disorder. I guess I just add that to the list that the doctors post on the medical website. I wonder if seeing a therapist who has not experienced this diagnosis is the one to see for counsel.