1. < Breast Cancer

Supporting my Daughter

Posted by cruisemust @cruisemust, Feb 3, 2023

Hello!
This is my first post, I suppose I just need to talk to others not so close.
My daughter was diagnosed with TNBC last year, she was grade 2 stage 2, a lumpectomy was advised following chemotherapy to shrink the tumour, she decided to have a single mastectomy, which I absolutely support her in, this is her body and has to be her decision, she finished chemo last September and had the mastectomy within a few weeks, clear margins and no further treatment, I don’t need to tell you how thrilled we all were.
She has been slowly rebuilding herself mentally and physically in this last few months, gathering her strength and getting ready to return to work by the spring.
She discovered another lump under her arm a couple of weeks ago, she was at the hospital yesterday and has had two biopsies taken and a marker inserted! She now has to wait for the results which will more than likely be at least a week.
She is a strong woman and will do what she has to do, but I’m worried and scared, as her mother I should be able to hold it all together…right!
Wrong!! I’m a mess, I try to hold back the tears when I speak to my daughter, I don’t want her to see me cry, I want to support her in every way I need to but I’m not sure I’m doing enough.

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Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | Feb 3, 2023

@cruisemust First of all I'd like to reassure you. She's your daughter and you love her so very much. You wrote that your daughter has a strong character and will do what she needs to do as she waits for the results. Your feelings that you refer to as "a mess" demonstrate how much you care for and love your daughter. Your daughter is no longer a little girl where you made the decisions for her. But you never stop caring and worrying about her. Can you tell her how you feel? Can you tell her that you are prepared to support her in any way you can and that this might come with some tears? Support comes in many forms. Your emotional presence - even if you aren't with her in person - is a support. If you live close enough to her where you can visit or go to medical appointments with her and sit in silence next to her is support.

You are already doing a lot to support your daughter. Telling her how you feel and that you love her will go a long way in support. Is there something else you would like to do that is instrumental? Bring nutritious meals to her home? Spend time with her doing something she enjoys? Walking together if both are able? Going for a drive to a favorite spot?

REPLY
2 replies
cruisemust | @cruisemust | Feb 3, 2023
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@cruisemust First of all I'd like to reassure you. She's your daughter and you love her..." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@cruisemust First of all I'd like to reassure you. She's your daughter and you love her so very much. You wrote that your daughter has a strong character and will do what she needs to do as she waits for the results. Your feelings that you refer to as "a mess" demonstrate how much you care for and love your daughter. Your daughter is no longer a little girl where you made the decisions for her. But you never stop caring and worrying about her. Can you tell her how you feel? Can you tell her that you are prepared to support her in any way you can and that this might come with some tears? Support comes in many forms. Your emotional presence - even if you aren't with her in person - is a support. If you live close enough to her where you can visit or go to medical appointments with her and sit in silence next to her is support.

You are already doing a lot to support your daughter. Telling her how you feel and that you love her will go a long way in support. Is there something else you would like to do that is instrumental? Bring nutritious meals to her home? Spend time with her doing something she enjoys? Walking together if both are able? Going for a drive to a favorite spot?

Jump to this post

Thank you 🙏

REPLY
windyshores | @windyshores | Feb 3, 2023

@cruisemust was the lump on the same side?

Right now you are worrying about all possible outcomes and once she has/ you have more information the worry will be more specific to the actual situation.

Obviously you are supporting her. Distraction (Netflix?) and exercise help a lot during these times of waiting and when needed, a small Rx for an anxiety or sleep med. In my opinion, waiting for results of initial testing can be the hardest time when dealing with cancer.

I am sure you are not crying in front of your daughter. No need to be cheery either. She knows you care.

REPLY
1 reply
cruisemust | @cruisemust | Feb 3, 2023
In reply to @windyshores "@cruisemust was the lump on the same side? Right now you are worrying about all possible..." + (show)
@windyshores

@cruisemust was the lump on the same side?

Right now you are worrying about all possible outcomes and once she has/ you have more information the worry will be more specific to the actual situation.

Obviously you are supporting her. Distraction (Netflix?) and exercise help a lot during these times of waiting and when needed, a small Rx for an anxiety or sleep med. In my opinion, waiting for results of initial testing can be the hardest time when dealing with cancer.

I am sure you are not crying in front of your daughter. No need to be cheery either. She knows you care.

Jump to this post

Thank you, yes the lump is on the same side.
I do try to be strong and most of the time I am.
I know we have to wait on the results.
Thank you

REPLY
bcwarrior | @bcwarrior | Feb 3, 2023

@cruisemust @windyshores

Hi, CruiseMust, love the name btw. I agree and it's on the top of my bucket list of to-do again when I feel stronger. I have relied on windy shores' posts. I recommend you hear the words and do what is suggested. Personally, I rely on my faith. Many others find this comforting. May white light surround you and your family in a seamless bubble of Divine Light that will protect and heal. Sending it now. xoxoxxo

REPLY
cruisemust | @cruisemust | Feb 4, 2023

Thank you for your kind words.
Do cruise when you can, it’s a wonderful experience.

REPLY
anjalima | @anjalima | Feb 4, 2023
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@cruisemust First of all I'd like to reassure you. She's your daughter and you love her..." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@cruisemust First of all I'd like to reassure you. She's your daughter and you love her so very much. You wrote that your daughter has a strong character and will do what she needs to do as she waits for the results. Your feelings that you refer to as "a mess" demonstrate how much you care for and love your daughter. Your daughter is no longer a little girl where you made the decisions for her. But you never stop caring and worrying about her. Can you tell her how you feel? Can you tell her that you are prepared to support her in any way you can and that this might come with some tears? Support comes in many forms. Your emotional presence - even if you aren't with her in person - is a support. If you live close enough to her where you can visit or go to medical appointments with her and sit in silence next to her is support.

You are already doing a lot to support your daughter. Telling her how you feel and that you love her will go a long way in support. Is there something else you would like to do that is instrumental? Bring nutritious meals to her home? Spend time with her doing something she enjoys? Walking together if both are able? Going for a drive to a favorite spot?

Jump to this post

Beautifully stated. Daughters know that this is traumatic for a mother , especially if a daughter is also a mother. Be you 🌸

REPLY
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