Support for caregivers: I feel helpless not being able to fix things

Posted by jenkins @jenkins, Feb 23 6:53pm

It’s only my husband and I with a dog. My husband just went thru his first chemo infusion and he had a terrible week. I feel I’m doing everything wrong.

I feel helpless not able to fix this problem. Seeing loosing so much weight and with little energy, it breaks my heart.

Does anyone have recommendations on type of foods that can provide him with energy?

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Profile picture for jenkins @jenkins

I completely understand since I face the same situation. I am constantly going to the market every time my husband has a taste of something. I drive to the grocery store at least twice a day. But sometimes I am not successful. It’s makes me feel like a failure . But the good news I have been more successful than failure. However, he is still not gaining weight . My husband is pure bones and I tried to see him pass his weight because I just cry. All I see is he is disappearing in front of me.

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My husband is.going through the same thing. Have you found anything that helps put weight on him?

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My heart goes out to you , we had this situation before the Whipple where in a very short time frame my husband lost -50 lbs he did not need to loose at 6 1/2 feet . We tried everything . Bottom line it came down to whatever he wanted . He could not stomach boost , power drinks and the like but forced himself to drink them
(Hi calories hi protein in a smaller volume . Post Whipple he is eating and has a super good appetite . The list posted is excellent , just keep trying . I know it means a lot of grocery trips every time someone suggests something else but just keep trying and please don’t take it personally . My husband has already gained 10 lbs back and it’s barely 2months post op . I do fear for what happens with the chemo he starts on Monday. , but one day at a time . We already have several home
Made soups stocked up in the freezer I. Case of no appetite . Hang in there .

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Profile picture for klk1214 @klk1214

I just found out that my grandma was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 62. I know it's quite early to seek support during this, but I am still in high school, and she is my primary caregiver. I can't help but let my mind wonder to helpless areas like imagining her not seeing me walk across that stage. She has always been a fighter and my biggest supporter. I began noticing changes in her in the past few months. Her appetite has been completely lost and doesn't enjoy foods like she once did. I know I should focus on my academics and my future, but it is so hard to do so when it primarily revolved around her. I always wanted to succeed for her. So, when I see her energy deteriorating, I can only feel my heart break more and more. I also feel completely unhelpful, and it's eating me alive, but I know I must keep trying my hardest for her.

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Do very sorry for the terrible news you just got about your grandma’s cancer. My wife is battling pancreatic cancer as well but your situation is so much worse. I hope that your grandma’s relatively young age will help her fight this and beat it. Great motivation for her is to see you graduate! Best of luck to you both!!!

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Profile picture for jenkins @jenkins

I completely understand since I face the same situation. I am constantly going to the market every time my husband has a taste of something. I drive to the grocery store at least twice a day. But sometimes I am not successful. It’s makes me feel like a failure . But the good news I have been more successful than failure. However, he is still not gaining weight . My husband is pure bones and I tried to see him pass his weight because I just cry. All I see is he is disappearing in front of me.

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Hi, my husband has the same taste problem. He has chemo for 4.5 mos. now and he doesn’t enjoy food like before. But he tries to eat so that he’d stop losing more weight. I’ve been making smoothies and that seemed to be Ok for him.

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Profile picture for jenkins @jenkins

I can relate. Every time I think I found something my husband can taste or take a small bite , it goes out the window. He gets frustrated and angry and asked to be left alone. He reminds me that he is trying and do want to eat , but I don’t understand. It breaks my heart hearing him saying these words because I know he feels like he is alone. I try not to cry in front of him, but sometimes it cannot be helped .
My prayers goes to all of us that are in this same journey.

Jump to this post

I completely understand since I face the same situation. I am constantly going to the market every time my husband has a taste of something. I drive to the grocery store at least twice a day. But sometimes I am not successful. It’s makes me feel like a failure . But the good news I have been more successful than failure. However, he is still not gaining weight . My husband is pure bones and I tried to see him pass his weight because I just cry. All I see is he is disappearing in front of me.

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I just found out that my grandma was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 62. I know it's quite early to seek support during this, but I am still in high school, and she is my primary caregiver. I can't help but let my mind wonder to helpless areas like imagining her not seeing me walk across that stage. She has always been a fighter and my biggest supporter. I began noticing changes in her in the past few months. Her appetite has been completely lost and doesn't enjoy foods like she once did. I know I should focus on my academics and my future, but it is so hard to do so when it primarily revolved around her. I always wanted to succeed for her. So, when I see her energy deteriorating, I can only feel my heart break more and more. I also feel completely unhelpful, and it's eating me alive, but I know I must keep trying my hardest for her.

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Alot of fruits like berries papaya pineapple or even avocado

Carbohydrates for Sustained Energy:
Oats:
A good source of complex carbohydrates, fiber, and iron, providing a steady energy release.
Sweet Potatoes:
Packed with complex carbohydrates, fiber, and vitamin A, offering sustained energy.
Brown Rice:
A whole grain that's high in fiber and helps maintain steady energy levels.
Bananas:
Rich in carbohydrates, potassium, and vitamin B6, providing a quick energy boost.
Apples:
Offer a natural sugar and fiber mix for a slow and steady energy release.
Whole Grains:
Opt for whole grain breads, cereals, and other products for sustained energy.
Protein and Healthy Fats for Long-Lasting Energy:
Eggs:
High in protein and B vitamins, supporting sustained energy release.
Nuts and Seeds:
Rich in protein, healthy fats, fiber, vitamins, and minerals, offering a sustained release of energy.
Fatty Fish (Salmon):
A good source of protein and omega-3 fatty acids, which are important for overall health and energy levels.
Legumes (Beans, Lentils):
Provide a good source of protein and fiber, contributing to sustained energy.
Avocados:
Packed with healthy monounsaturated fats, avocados can deliver lasting energy.

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I took a cheep ginger ale to my 2nd chemo treatment and started drinking it right before and had no mouth reactions! Big difference from my first treatment!!! So took ginger ale to all of the rest of my twice a month for 6 months chemo treatment!!!
It worked Great for me!
“It did have sugar in it. Not sure if that besides the ginger, helped! I do know that if you burn your mouth on something hot, a spoonful of sugar stops the burn.
And I have tried it on a burn on my arm and it worked!!!”

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I tried about everything and the magic mouthwash was the only relief from th mouthsores.

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Profile picture for sue678 @sue678

My husband who has stage 4b prostate cancer is the same. He just had his 4th chemo infusion and his mouth is so tender today, he found the scrambled eggs too salty even though he loved them yesterday.

We are both 76, and we thought we would have a long life together, traveling and enjoying watching our grandchildren friends up. With uncertain future, we are trying to enjoy everyday we do have together - and our family, like yours, has gotten closer together

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Better than the awful and expensive "magic mouthwash" is to try drinking a double "shot glass" of buttermilk daily. Wait 20 minutes before drinking anything else. My oncologist recommended the buttermilk. It works! & No, I am not a fan of the taste, but it is better than a sore mouth.

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