1. < Pancreatic Cancer

Support for caregivers: I feel helpless not being able to fix things

Posted by jenkins @jenkins, Feb 23 6:53pm

It’s only my husband and I with a dog. My husband just went thru his first chemo infusion and he had a terrible week. I feel I’m doing everything wrong.

I feel helpless not able to fix this problem. Seeing loosing so much weight and with little energy, it breaks my heart.

Does anyone have recommendations on type of foods that can provide him with energy?

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bunstuffer | @bunstuffer | 6 days ago
In reply to @wf0439 "Hello, I am in the same situation as you. Except we have have cats 😼. My..." + (show)
@wf0439

Hello,
I am in the same situation as you. Except we have have cats 😼. My husband also has pancan and lost so much weight. He had 14 rounds of chemo and radiation. All of these are so hard on the body. Does your husband take pancreatic enzymes? This was a game changer for us. My husband has a good appetite now and enjoys his food. This is all I can ask. He eats everything he loves. I try to bake or cook his favorites. When he was on chemo he liked eggs, soups, casseroles, ice cream especially. He isnt fond of protein drinks but if I made him a milkshake I could sneak some in without too much flavor change. I hope this helps a bit. I know how hard this whole thing is, but I treasure each day he feels well and enjoys the things he loves. Hugs and prayers for you both ❤️

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Eating can be a problem. My husband had a brain bleed among other afflictions and didn't like many foods he liked before. The rehab hospital tried to give him Ensure but he hated it. His cousin, who retired as a RN in a care facility, told me to get Carnation Instant Breakfast. He liked that and even now long after his appetite is back to normal, he uses the vanilla or strawberry instead of milk on his cereal. I get the bottled high protein vanilla but I don't think strawberry comes in high protein.

REPLY
gisele1976 | @gisele1976 | Mar 13 6:42pm
In reply to @jenkins "Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. You could not imagine how reading..." + (show)
@jenkins

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. You could not imagine how reading your and others comments helps me get through the beginning of these journey.
Wish you the best for you and your husband as well .

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My husband wasn't able to eat much due to a stent. After a Whipple procedure, they opened up another pathway. He is able to eat more and has gained ten pounds. We did the shakes with ice cream if he can tolerate cold. Good luck.

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 13 3:01pm
In reply to @spunkyj2 "My dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer June 2024...it has been a very difficult journey for..." + (show)
@spunkyj2

My dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer June 2024...it has been a very difficult journey for him...at 83 he chose not to do any treatments of chemo or radiation...he included all of us in his decision...we all told him we support him...my mom is his primary care giver...my dad has always been an active man. Owns an auto repair shop my brothers work with him...thankfully the business is right next to our house my brothers check on them frequently during the day...both sisters live close by...me on the other hand live 3 hours away..so when I get home its so hard to see the changes in him...godbless him he is a fighter. They have awesome Drs, one of which makes HouseCalls. He is on Pallative Care has had 2 stents...bile duct and most recently duodenal stent. Mom doesn't like to leave him for any length of time, he has fallen a few times. My parents have been married for 65 years..5 kids all married...10 grandkids all married 10 great grandkids and counting...so our family is very blessed..

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Hi @spunkyj2, my dad chose not to do further treatments when his colorectal cancer returned. We, too, supported his decision and the reality of that decision. I'm so glad that your mom has so much support near by.

Seeing the changes when you visit must be hard. Your dad sounds like a fighter, but also a realist. How is your mom dealing with everything? When you visit are you able to have heart-to-heart talks with him and/or your mom?

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chrk | @chrkuh | Mar 11 10:58am
In reply to @sheridanb "Same here... where some jobs were "mine", and some were "his". Not that I was not..." + (show)
@sheridanb

Same here... where some jobs were "mine", and some were "his". Not that I was not capable of doing them... just a division of labor. And now nearly all jobs are mine. My husband feels bad about me doing it all, but when he says that, I remind him that he did these jobs for 45 years for us, and it is my time. And I too hope he can get stronger for both of us.

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That is so true. Over time things just happen...not sure people realize that that is what happens in a good partnership. Wishing you both many more years together. It is hard to see them unable to do something that they used to do without thinking about it. Our love for them will give them strength.

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sheridanb | @sheridanb | Mar 11 10:11am
In reply to @chrkuh "You will start to get stronger because you have no choice. My husband of 38 years..." + (show)
@chrkuh

You will start to get stronger because you have no choice. My husband of 38 years did everything for me. After a year of this journey I am doing most everything...some things I didn't think I could. I have found that doing things keeps me busy which helps...he is still my rock and i love him more than life itself. Our roles have changed but my hope is that it will swing back and he will get stronger. May God keep us all well.

Jump to this post

Same here... where some jobs were "mine", and some were "his". Not that I was not capable of doing them... just a division of labor. And now nearly all jobs are mine. My husband feels bad about me doing it all, but when he says that, I remind him that he did these jobs for 45 years for us, and it is my time. And I too hope he can get stronger for both of us.

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1 reply
spunkyj2 | @spunkyj2 | Mar 11 8:29am

My dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer June 2024...it has been a very difficult journey for him...at 83 he chose not to do any treatments of chemo or radiation...he included all of us in his decision...we all told him we support him...my mom is his primary care giver...my dad has always been an active man. Owns an auto repair shop my brothers work with him...thankfully the business is right next to our house my brothers check on them frequently during the day...both sisters live close by...me on the other hand live 3 hours away..so when I get home its so hard to see the changes in him...godbless him he is a fighter. They have awesome Drs, one of which makes HouseCalls. He is on Pallative Care has had 2 stents...bile duct and most recently duodenal stent. Mom doesn't like to leave him for any length of time, he has fallen a few times. My parents have been married for 65 years..5 kids all married...10 grandkids all married 10 great grandkids and counting...so our family is very blessed..

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1 reply
chrk | @chrkuh | Mar 1 10:05am
In reply to @mjh1967 "Iam new to this site... I just want to admit... I feel helpless.... we are 5..." + (show)
@mjh1967

Iam new to this site... I just want to admit... I feel helpless.... we are 5 months in.... its very hard to see my once very strong, independent husband so fail and helpless... I try to be the strong one, but I dont exactly know how... he has ALWAYS been the strong one in our marriage of nearly 40 years.... I am scared to leave him out of my sight for one second... Iam screaming and crying inside, but try to not let him see me cry..... Can anyone give me some advice?

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You will start to get stronger because you have no choice. My husband of 38 years did everything for me. After a year of this journey I am doing most everything...some things I didn't think I could. I have found that doing things keeps me busy which helps...he is still my rock and i love him more than life itself. Our roles have changed but my hope is that it will swing back and he will get stronger. May God keep us all well.

REPLY
1 reply
mjh1967 | @mjh1967 | Feb 28 10:26am
In reply to @chrkuh "We are in much the same boat. Not feeling like much is being done...so frustrating. Sending..." + (show)
@chrkuh

We are in much the same boat. Not feeling like much is being done...so frustrating. Sending prayers to you and your loved one.

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Thank you, and to you both as well

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chrk | @chrkuh | Feb 28 9:20am
In reply to @mjh1967 "Oh yes, its very hard... I am trying... Our daughter moved back with us, which is..." + (show)
@mjh1967

Oh yes, its very hard... I am trying... Our daughter moved back with us, which is a big help... but we are scared and worried.... we are considering a 2nd opinion.... although our Doctors are nice... I feel they could be doing more..., I feel they are giving up on is because it metastasized... but I am being my husbands advocate... the best I can... this is all sooo scary to us.

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We are in much the same boat. Not feeling like much is being done...so frustrating. Sending prayers to you and your loved one.

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1 reply
mjh1967 | @mjh1967 | Feb 27 2:43pm
In reply to @sheridanb "I'm sorry you and your husband have joined this club. It is sad and scary. My..." + (show)
@sheridanb

I'm sorry you and your husband have joined this club. It is sad and scary. My husband was white water kayaking and skiing and backpacking... often the strongest in our group... and now can barely walk across the room. Spends most of his time watching tv as getting off the couch is a chore. I wish I had magic words for you, but like you, after finding him on the floor a few times, I am afraid to leave him alone. I just got a walker for him that he has not used yet, but the day is coming. My only advice is to keep pushing the doctors if you think things are not happening within a reasonable time period. I can send messages to the doctors through the hospital portal and I have done that to make sure they are aware of his rising CA19-9 numbers... and let's make an appointment for a scan to see what is going on. He has 4 MRI's and a CT scan scheduled for next week along with chemo and several doctor appointments. Town is an hour+ away... but that is ok. I want the doctors to stay on top of this. I recognize that I need to be the strong one in the house now as it is just my husband and our dog. But it sure was easier when Dan was the strong one.

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Oh yes, its very hard... I am trying... Our daughter moved back with us, which is a big help... but we are scared and worried.... we are considering a 2nd opinion.... although our Doctors are nice... I feel they could be doing more..., I feel they are giving up on is because it metastasized... but I am being my husbands advocate... the best I can... this is all sooo scary to us.

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