Should I stop being friends with someone.. how to tell them?

Tough situation. But you have to protect yourself.

I had to face this with a couple people who were just using me. They were draining me of energy at a time when I couldn't afford their vampire-like behavior.

I simply told them, "I can't do this anymore. Try to understand." And I left it at that. If they kept trying to pester me, I would either ignore them or repeat what I'd said earlier.

It takes determination and resolve, but you can do it.

Sorry to seem so cold, but sometimes you have to harden your heart a little.
Nobody likes rejection (I ought to know, I've had a ton of it), but eventually, they get the message.

thank you!

@help541

Good advice from @scottrl. High school is tough and, honestly, “kids” can be mean or say inappropriate things. . Everyone is adjusting to growing older and trying to navigate through life. Give her the cold shoulder. She is affecting you in a negative way and you don’t need to put up with that. You have told her repeatedly to stop. Don’t be nasty or retaliate in any way or respond… just try to keep your distance. Hopefully she will get the message and realize why she is losing friends. Good for you for reaching out. The fact that you asked if you were being too harsh shows you are a caring person. You will meet similar personalities throughout life.

FL Mary

🧐Upon reading your story, the familiar adage, "There's always two sides to a story," comes to mind, as we are only presented with your perspective therefore necessitating inference must be applied.

A junior higher and a friend you knew since 7th grade. Junior high schools generally consist of grades 8-9 or 7-9, while middle schools typically consist of grades 6-8 or 7-8. Unfortunately, you did not clarify your exact grade level.

Individuals respond to others' words, actions, and deeds with constructive feedback and encouragement.

🤐 Unzip your lips and tell the truth because I am sure you are not without fault.

What were you doing at the time your friend offered the advice to 'be nice' or 'refrain from that behavior'?
🫢 WHAT BEHAVIORS they are referring to that required your friend to address you about? Those requests types by your friend are not the norm unless needed.

If your friend is consistently offering feedback on your behavior, wouldn't it be ridiculously awesome to level up and become the ultimate version of yourself?

Maybe, just maybe, this is your chance to take responsibility for your actions leading to your friend's comments and rise above, becoming an even more effective and refined rockstar.

As the scripture hilariously points out, 'All the way of a man are right his own eyes,' which basically means we're all clueless until someone points out our flaws.

Real friends are hard to find and “friendship changes are common and hard.” Why on earth would you want to dump a friend who's been your rock through thick and thin, partner in shenanigans, and actually thinks you're cool?

1) Are you trying to upgrade to a newer, flashier friendship model, (teammates)? (2) Or, are you seeking fortune and fame in the land of the cool cats, (teammates)?

We all have that one friend who keeps us grounded, and can get on our nerves but let's be real, finding someone who sticks closer than a brother is like winning the friendship jackpot.

❤️My lifelong friend has been by my side since 7th grade and I loveth him sooo much.❤️. We matured, established our lives, and still occasionally irritate each other.

Our friendship has endured for over 40 years of shenanigans, angry words, unwanted but needed correction suggestions, and helping each other through hardships financially, spiritually, and mentally. 🙌🏼

😭Currently he has been battling a rare, incurable cancer. 😭

Despite the prognosis we both pray to God and believe for healing. I am deeply saddened by his condition, yet grateful that our BFF bond has withstood the challenges of adolescence into adulthood.🙏

Think twice before severing this friendship you might be throwing away a blessing. You will not be young forever as we all age.

Continue to grow together and give each other room to grow. You will be adults soon enough enjoy adolescence with a trustworthy and loving friend.

@help541 I don’t think it’s necessary to examine all aspects of yours and her behaviour. There are times when you know that whatever the history between you and a friend has been and whatever has brought you both to this place (who has done what to whom), you know the friendship is pulling you down. Some friendships lift you up and support you. Some don’t. It’s how they affect your mental and emotional health that determines what you need to do to protect yourself.

Yes it’s a big decision to drop a friend. I did at University (she kept making plans then cancelling on me at the last moment if something better came up). Although it felt right and healthy for me at the time, it was awkward for everyone else around us due to how badly we became estranged. A lot of hurt on both sides.

Looking back I don’t regret drawing boundaries but I do wish I’d done it differently. I blew up any friendship without first down-grading the friendship.

I wonder if you could try first to move her to your outer circle from your inner circle. Just a thought.

Contrary to your previous assertion that examining all aspects of both your and her behavior is unnecessary your subsequent statement below seems to be doing precisely that, which creates a conflict with your initial suggestion.
"There are times when you know that whatever the history between you and a friend has been and whatever has brought you both to this place (who has done what to whom), you know the friendship is pulling you down. "

You make a good point on drawing boundaries. But you cannot do it with bias one sided reflection.

Why is self-reflection important in addressing relationship problems instead of blaming others?

Reflection is a valuable practice that enables individuals to introspectively examine their personal behaviors, communication styles, and emotional responses exhibited towards others. By reflecting on interactions and relationships, one can implement positive changes, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections. Alternatively, this introspection can facilitate the termination of relationships in a more constructive manner, devoid of unilateral blame.

Sounds to me like your "friend" isn't really your friend, anymore. You've repeatedly told her that she's offending you, yet she continues to. She's acting passive-aggressively and gives every sign that your feelings don't count to her. Perhaps she's jealous of you? Has your circle of friends dramatically expanded during your high school years? She may being felt left behind. I don't know. But, if this is more than a minor annoyance to you, I'd recommend, at the least, an extended period of ghosting. Sounds like that may be the only way to let her know you're serious.
Good luck!

Tough situation to be in; especially since it’s gone on so long.
I thought about this before commenting, and realized what you’re describing sounds like a form of bullying. If so, bullying should never be tolerated.
I’m not sure this girl was ever a true friend. A friend would respect your feelings and try to change her behavior. It seems like this girl gets some sort of satisfaction from treating you this way. Maybe she needs help.
The fact you are no longer willing to tolerate this sounds like you are maturing in a healthy way. Whether or not there’s fault on both sides, this relationship appears destructive to you and may be impacting the rest of the team.
I suggest ending this “relationship” immediately. If this girl pays no attention to you, can you enlist the help/support of other teammates, friends, or maybe a trusted coach or counselor? Since it’s gone on so long, you may need help extricating yourself.
You have my sympathies. There probably is no pleasant way to end this; life is full of difficult situations. However, you will wind up with more strength and self respect.

@help541 Wow, I watched this whole discussion develop, and I'm ready to say it out loud. This person is being an emotional bully. Putting you down (head pats & snide remarks), "mothering" and refusing to stop in spite of being asked and told - that's bullying. When it is so bad even teammates notice it - that's bullying.

She is not your friend, and you already told her the consequence of her action, so by stopping associating with her isn't ghosting, it's keeping your word.

I suggest if she continues, that you enlist a teacher, coach or counselor to have a conversation with the 2 of you and emphasize why you are cutting ties. She will be unhappy and she may try to retaliate so with a trusted adult, you need to have a plan to protect yourself. You don't need to handle it alone.

@riana1. I don’t wish to argue with you. You will have your ways of dealing with your friendships. I have learnt through the experience I mentioned what works for me from a mistake I made and regret. It may or may not help others.

I had my reasons for bailing - but without thinking through how it would affect many others who were mutual friends.

I should have just created space and moved her from my close inner circle to my outer circle. If we were meant to be friends that safe space would help us as well - not just others in a close big group. (In my case a university residence).

If we were not meant to be friends, the space would just grow bigger without the drama that affected everyone in the big young group. It did result in 3 camps: Those who decided to side with one or other of us and inflamed the situation, and those who tried not to take sides but some often avoided us both.