Recent, totally sudden, traumatic loss of our daughter, 45.

Thanks for writing georgette. Today I needed it. Its been bad enough but today for some reason it was just horrible. I woke up crying and like ‘suddenly’ realized my daughter was gone. She passed June 3. I cried almost all day til I gave myself a terrible headache. Everything today reminded me that she was gone. Everything. I broke down crying all day, husband tried to comfort me but I kept it up. Felt ill, my face hurt! I could NOT believe she was really gone. Am I going to have days like this? It was horrible. I couldn't eat, I just cried! I still cant seem to realize shes gone! Horrible day today.
I dont hear from many people on Mayo Connect. Where do I go so people can write me so we can share stories and seek help from each other. I guess im still unsure how this works.
Thank you.
I cant sleep so thats why im writing now. Its12:30.

Jump to this post

Hi Kathi
My daughter, 45, died in her sleep from a brain aneurysm October 15. While she was on vacation with me at my home here in Florida. I am still trying to recover from a sore throat that I think is related to me yelling very loudly at God, in whatever form that means to us, that I wanted her back, right now, and wanted to wake from this nightmare.
I moved to Florida 13 years ago after my wife died of colon cancer so I have friends here to help support me. One of them suggested this site. I wrote some Thank You notes today. Lots of tears. My insides are hollow.
My wife discovered her cancer at 52 and it was terminal. But chemo helped her live over 3:years and we vowed to make the best of it. We did. We travelled as she was able. We said goodbye to everyone that mattered. She passed away at home without pain. A “good death”. I thought I was ready for her death and that the grief would be quick and not too bad. Wish that were true. But time did heal. A lot. Never completely but enough.
Now our daughter dies completely unexpectedly and I am lost. Again, but with no warning. The only blessing has been the love from others and the shocking fact that I have known so many people who have also lost their children but never talked about it. People I had known for many years told me it was easier to not bring it up after some time had passed, but knew I would want to know I was not alone. I know it is not a group I ever wanted to be part of, but here I am and I am reaching out for help too. My broken heart healed once. I know it will again. Just not just yet.
Open up to others and share your grief. It helps eventually. Like writing this may help me and maybe even help you. I hope so.

Jump to this post

Hi Kathi
My daughter, 45, died in her sleep from a brain aneurysm October 15. While she was on vacation with me at my home here in Florida. I am still trying to recover from a sore throat that I think is related to me yelling very loudly at God, in whatever form that means to us, that I wanted her back, right now, and wanted to wake from this nightmare.
I moved to Florida 13 years ago after my wife died of colon cancer so I have friends here to help support me. One of them suggested this site. I wrote some Thank You notes today. Lots of tears. My insides are hollow.
My wife discovered her cancer at 52 and it was terminal. But chemo helped her live over 3:years and we vowed to make the best of it. We did. We travelled as she was able. We said goodbye to everyone that mattered. She passed away at home without pain. A “good death”. I thought I was ready for her death and that the grief would be quick and not too bad. Wish that were true. But time did heal. A lot. Never completely but enough.
Now our daughter dies completely unexpectedly and I am lost. Again, but with no warning. The only blessing has been the love from others and the shocking fact that I have known so many people who have also lost their children but never talked about it. People I had known for many years told me it was easier to not bring it up after some time had passed, but knew I would want to know I was not alone. I know it is not a group I ever wanted to be part of, but here I am and I am reaching out for help too. My broken heart healed once. I know it will again. Just not just yet.
Open up to others and share your grief. It helps eventually. Like writing this may help me and maybe even help you. I hope so.

Jump to this post

Oh. I am so so sorry for your tremendous loss. I am glad that this site and others like it exist so that you can lean on others and not feel isolated in your grief. Thank you for sharing your story and I'll be sending you so much good energy <3

Jump to this post

Just posting has helped me break out of the funk a little. Took a walk for the first time in a month. Progress. Thanks all.

Jump to this post

@johnchuck1 I am glad to read you are feeling a bit better today! Fresh air does do wonders for our soul. And being able to write our some of your feelings might have had something to do with it, do you think? So often we feel alone, and wonder if anyone else is in pain like we are.

We're here for you!
Ginger

Jump to this post

I do feel that writing is important. As I write this I am wondering why I haven’t started writing in the diary again. Shortly after my wife passed away, I picked up a journal and wrote for hours and hours. So much poured out of me into those journals over the next few years. Then a time came when I stopped writing in them except on rare occasions. Probably ought to try it again. It did wonders for me then. Thank you for helping me see a path forward.

Jump to this post

I do feel that writing is important. As I write this I am wondering why I haven’t started writing in the diary again. Shortly after my wife passed away, I picked up a journal and wrote for hours and hours. So much poured out of me into those journals over the next few years. Then a time came when I stopped writing in them except on rare occasions. Probably ought to try it again. It did wonders for me then. Thank you for helping me see a path forward.

Jump to this post

Hi Johnchuck, interesting name. I have 2 cousins from the same Aunt and Uncle with those names. Anyway I too share in the grief of a lost child a few years ago. She was 36 and died due to a brain swelling due to an infection that caused meningitis. Went in on a Monday to get it checked out and by Thursday She was gone. Being I'm immune compromised myself and I honestly didn't think something like a virus could do that much damage that fast (this was pre covid). So I didn't go visit immediately and by the time I got to see her she was in a coma. So I prayed over Her and spoke to her but honestly don't know if she heard me. Anyway now as a grandparent to her 3 Kids I think about there loss the most. Their dad's do pretty well to give them what they need and as a grandparent I too am there for them. So just wanted to say Hi and show my support as it's an area that I think most don't know this kind of pain except someone whose been thru it.
As we are now in the Holiday season How are you coping?
Blessings

Jump to this post

Holidays are so very hard. Filled with reminders. I could lie, like I do to many who ask politely “How are you?” and accept my canned responses - “Doing good, or Fine, thanks for asking.” But I’m not fine. The basic fabric of my life included connections to her in more ways than I knew. Now I know I have to repair that fabric. But I’m reluctant to,change things. It feels like I am somehow intentionally moving her out of my life. Do I know that she wants me to move on and live life fully? Yes. Am I able? Not yet. I will call it part of the grieving process and hope that time will expose a new path. In the meantime, it’s the Holidays. Watching old Christmas movies is about the best I can do this week. Next month will be better. I must make a New Years Resolution (and I have always hated them) to be a bigger part of the grandkids’ lives. Hard when we live so far apart. I need better digital skills to do that easier. I guess it’s the way of the future. I know she would have wanted it. Sorry if this post is a downer but the Holidays are the hardest for me. Ready for January.

Jump to this post