Ready to throw in the towel

To everyone responding to this post--thank you! I will say it is an older post and I have gotten help in many ways:

I joined a support group, I have a prostate cancer mentor, I am seeing a psychologist and a sexual health physician, and of course still participating in this group. One "advantage" of getting a prostate cancer diagnosis early in the year is that I was able to quickly meet my insurance deductible so don't have any out of pocket cost for these things until January so plan to take FULL advantage of any and everything available to me through my cancer center.

I have also been exercising a lot and outdoors as much as possible. I find being in nature is helpful. I also listen to a lot of sad music which is oddly cathartic and have been writing about my life which helps me to channel a lot of feelings and ideas into things that might somehow help others.

So, while this post was negative and is true to how I felt at the time, my outlook is improving. I'm still not quite the cheerful carefree guy I was before but I'm also not crying three hours a day anymore, either. So, progress is being made and thank you to all who are responding.

If you don't have a psychiatrist on your team, IMHO you need to get one. You are showing definite symptoms of depression. I have been fighting that battle, along with anxiety for 6 months. They have been far more debilitating than my prostate cancer and treatment. There are a host of drugs that can help you. So PLEASE find a good psychiatrist who can diagnose your condition and prescribe effective medications. I'd also advise you find a therapist you can give you some tools to deal with the mental torment you are going through. You are NOT alone. Get the help you need and deserve.

Yes its damn hard, life is good and life is hard. Twenty years ago at age 54 PSA of 10 - had surgery and as I was finishing radiation my wife diagnosed with advanced Breast Cancer she died after four years of surgery, radiation and Chemo, at age 60 return of PSA and since been on intermittent Lupron.
Cancer, like the loss of a spouse, cannot be imagined by someone without the experience.
Know that others know your trials.
Lean on the Lord.

The next conundrum is testosterone ,I get a PSA every three months been 9
months at this time. The PSA is not detectable but the tt just began to
recover some it is now 360, which may be the ' new normal '. Whatever here
I am with what I have left. Heading to te gym,,,,that is very important !!

Dear Scott, I think you are to Spartan to yourself with just 2 shakes and a pill. I don't know, but could it be that you have problems sleeping, and feeling so utterly hopeless, because you are hungry?
Be kind to yourself and eat food that gives you pleasure. And why not, if you like to have a glass or two of wine, enjoy it. In short, be your own best friend. Your title "Ready to throw the towel" gives you permission to seek the pleasures you still can have. To heck with the cancer!

YOU'VE GOT THIS! Sorry you are where you in the process and let me give you some perspective that might help. I cannot walk in your shoes as I am now 27 months post radical prostatectomy and am among a group that I call the cancer light group so yes I am fortunate so far but our reality can and does require a perspective. That said, I am 61 and a child of a career fighter pilot and remain friends with a dwindling number of POWs from the Vietnam War that he flew with over there or that I've met at various pilot events over the years. These men gave me strength and inspired me decades ago as I knew most of their horrifying stories before I met them and if anyone should have given up it was them. The incredible abuse, both physical and mental, they endured is hard to comprehend just as yours is as well. BUT if they can do it while regaining a meaningful life you can too! Hang in there and stay on this site while you fight the good fight one day at a time for that day when you can look back and say it was well worth it!
YOU CAN DO IT!

omg reading through your comments , a deep resonance insists i respond, on the only level I have is empathy. I feel the same way the disease is enough the ' medications ' make it thrice as bad.my advice. I am in the same frame of mind, Try to push it away , I told the radiologist I was not going to miss a session. And I did not . Yeah I am stil weakened by all the crap in my case 2 years of lupron, 39 radiology sessions etc. I had a terrible radilogist but no use getting in to that. After speaking to a real professional at Mayo Clnic I felt a lot better .
Beside the point though is the fact that we were on top of our game and then it simply imploded, did for me ! What we have left . is still there , stimlate yourself a little at a time, I do not mean sexually I mean health, if you decide to return to your fitness activities no matter how unsettling or difficult , it will feel better . Even a little bit at a time will reinforce you with a feeling of control , you may not float to the top right away but as time goes on you'll come to the surface

Sounds like you would be no worse off without all this shit . medication - At least in the short term , a break so to speak .
Tell your Urologist etc . and see their response .
I realyy don't think you want to give up .
"WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH -- THE TOUGH GETS GOING "
You made it this far in life . I bet you had challenges before . To hell with the people at the gym . it's your health , I'm sure your buddies are no models . When I started losing my hair in my early twenties my co-workers kept reminding me .
My response " You think about it more than me " -- KEEP TRUCKING , YOUR'E STILL A YOUNG MAN .
Keep me posted .

A follow-up to this thread is here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/a-brief-update/

A bit late to this one, but I am somewhat similar to you. 59, on the last month of a six month course of Eligard, and finished five fractions of SBRT in May. Worked out regularly, power yoga, rucking and walking were/are my main physical jams. I've experienced some muscle loss, loss of strength, and getting a gut somewhat, and have occasional warm/hot flashes. Working on eating better and focused on more plant-centric meals, occasional slices of pizza or some ice cream round that out. 😉

I think it's important to keep working out, even if it's a less intense program than your used to doing. In that regard, I think yoga is a great addition to your routine, since it can help with "practical strength" to able to walk under your own weight, balance, flexibility of the joints, etc. You might try some yin/restore classes if a regular class is stressful or creates other issues for you

In my own case, I've hardly missed a yoga class during treatment since I found them to be important to my physical and mental health. And yes, going into a hot yoga class for an hour wears me the f* out, but the end-benefits mean so much to me. And since many people in my yoga studio know about my PCa journey, they have been wonderfully supportive too.

Whatever you do, don't give up. Be kind to yourself, get help if you need it and take care of you mentally, emotionally and physically. And we're always here for you. Warrior on!

~Another Scott