Ready to throw in the towel

When I was in hospital for a few months, I had free access to psychotherapy (along with physiotherapy, a dietician, and other similar support services).

Unfortunately, Ontario doesn't cover those services *outside* of hospital, but I was in much better shape by the time I came home.

@paddicakes @scottbeammeup
Scottbeammeup.
Regarding your update: I see you are doing everything to help you improve your mental and physical health. We many times move away from getting mental health help because of the stigma. But mental health is just like physical health in that time to time it needs addressing and treating.

Every six months I see a specialist at Mayo Psychiatric division. She is a counselor who specializes in medications. The first thing she says is I have reviewed all your medical visits and medical notes of your appointments and their summaries.

The very first time I met with her she told me "we work here as a team." And then, "we are your Mayo Care Team." I know I am in good hands and boy did that caring help.

Thanks paddicakes. Yes, I've been working with a good therapist for several months now, attending a support group and finding good support here as well.

@paddicakes, you're so right. The emotional toll of a serious diagnosis, like cancer, deserves care too. Have you been diagnosed with prostate cancer? How are you doing?

If that was addressed to @scottbeammeup , you'll be happy to know that he has made huge progress since last July when he started this thread, and his posts have been inspiring. You can see his later posts by clicking on his user name.

Have you thought of seeking mental health services? A good therapist can make a world of difference. Give yourself some grace. It's OK to not be ok every once in awhile but not constantly. Our brains need treatment too. Get into therapy.

This is a great post. Sex is just one way to express your love and care for your partner. However, it is not a necessary one. Faith, love, fidelity, loyalty, presence.....these are what make a truly, loving relationship.

15 years ago my wife had to have an early full hysterectomy. They took everything. It put her into immediate menopause. We both decided that she should not do hormone therapy because of the serious side effects. However, one of the most troublesome side effects of women losing their hormones is that the skin becomes non-elastic: it doesn't give. Intercourse becomes extremely painful because of that lack of elasticity. She felt like "not a whole woman" anymore. However, other sexual expressions can be quite fulfilling. Now, she feels that everything is ok, that she is a complete person and our sex life (up until the prostate stuff) was quite satisfying. You just have to be imaginative.

We have been married 48 years and we love each other more each day.

Cheers to your wife.

Hey Chamblee, That was such a great post! You really distilled all the emotions and turmoil men face when they no longer see the ‘ME’ they always knew.
Men suffer as much shame and feelings of inadequacy sexually - perhaps more- than breast cancer patients. Not trying to minimize their anguish but breast reconstruction has really come a long way - and you DON’T need a breast(s) to perform sexually.
This disease robs the majority of men of their ability to achieve penetration; pills and injections MAY help some, but others like me who are totally impotent have to think about implants, pumps and inserts to even come close!
Lucky for me I am married for almost 40 years to a wonderful woman who really understands my literal shortcomings. She’s not happy for either of us but even though our sex lives are non-existent (ADT as well) our love is even stronger than before. I never believed it when someone said that (yeah, right…) but I’ve found it to be true. Best to you!
Phil

I hear ya. It’s the ADT. I went through a period of Grief - feeling like my old self was gone and I don’t like the new self. My body - same. Lost muscle and gained belly. I saw a picture of myself recently from a family function and deleted it. I was going to the gym regularly and when I was I felt better. I went out of town twice and had family in and got away from the habit. I’ve got to get back to it. Maybe change gyms for you ?
I think we need to look longer term,.. ya. It sux but it beats the alternative. I’m 2 months post ADT drugs and the side effects are wearing off some. I was out socially with a girl friend (not dating) and I told her I was out of the dating circuit and why. She had her own battle with breast cancer and gets the shame factor on new limitations of performance. I’m starting to just get used to it but it’s a sad deal to know that isn’t an option now. Like I suddenly got Old over a short period.
All this is short term in the big picture and I’ve put my energy into other things. Other interests. I’m getting better at putting energy into just friendships. There are so many that have it worse. So I’m adjusting and finding a new normal. You will get better. You will adjust. Read the side effects of the ADT and it will help you know it’s just the drug and it will be over soon.