People Come Into Our Lives to Teach Us How to Let Go

@frances007,

First, Happy Birthday.

For those reading post, your PID is Primary Immune Deficiency. Not Pelvic Inflammatory disease. So many medical abbreviations stand for multiple things. At first could not understand why your friend would be upset about PID disease until I looked at your profile.

As we grow older, some friends no longer fit into our life's. Their (or yours) values, priorities, other relationships change and affect your relationship.

Give her some time to respond. There may be something else going on in her life that is delaying response or explains the odd card.

Do you have a mutual friend that you can ask about her?

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, some "friends" pulled away. I think it's more fear than them deliberately wanting to be hurtful, i.e. "if this can happen to Scott it can happen to me" kind of thing.

However, I also noticed that other friends, including some who were more casual, became a lot closer, offering to help me out, etc. I found, even though I really didn't need help, that giving them small tasks ("would you mind picking up some milk for me next time you go to the store, no rush" "could you please put my garbage can out on the curb" etc.) made them feel like they were doing something.

I firmly believe that everyone who comes into your life, whether its people I've been friends with for years or someone I just spent an hour or two with, has something to offer me and I have something to offer them.

I do believe there are people who come into our lives for a specific season or period of time. Beyond that, I find it a bit of a challenge on how to navigate through this. It is not easy but it is all meaningful, in my view and experience. Look for the gifts that are there.

They really are there.

CindyC
CHrcc

I agree with what you said and there’s not much you can do about it except trying not to let it trouble you too much, easier said than done. In my case I experienced the same thing but with family members, it really cuts deep, I don’t think it relevant if you were really close in life but when illness comes around that can take your life away it just shouldn’t happen, yet it does.

Yes, not everyone knows how to act around a diagnosis. Some may know what to say. Some may know what not to say.

Beyond that, things can get awkward.....even if you are in remission.

CindyC
CHrcc

in reply to @roch Thanks, Yes about the abbreviation, my apologies. And the treatment I am getting is called IVIG, is made from human plasma and I get infusions bi-weekly because my body cannot tolerate a full adult dose. I get a pediatric dose because of the weight loss. In any case, knowing my friend as well as I do, she probably will not respond to my letter. In the letter I explained that if she chose not to respond, that would be okay, and that I would always remember our friendship with fondness. I have known for months that she did not want to have anything to do with me, wasn't interested in some of the new things I was doing, she is really one cool cookie and maybe I have been in denial for too long about who she really is. However, I am not going to blame myself for other people's mistakes, even if it took me 60 plus years to figure out I don't have to accept such blame. Thanks again for pointing out Primary Immune Defieciency, which is a chronic and incurable illness for which I am getting treatment "for the rest of my life," although at this point I am committed to 6 months. The cure is worse than the disease if you know what I mean.

in reply to @scottbeammeup @cindysummit @frouke Thank you very much. I see the point, and agree. I am not a religious person, but I did join an Episcopal church where I have made some wonderful friends. The rector encouraged me to keep coming, "no matter what my beliefs are." I have lost so many friends since my diagnosis, which is why it took me 6 months to accept my disease, help others who share it etc. I understand that at this point in my (our) lives that quality is better than quantity, and I have been blessed with some wonderful people in my life who do not look away when they see me coming. Even neighbors I had never spent much time talking to now approach me and ask how things are going. Small things like this can make a huge difference, leaving me feel like less of a freak at 95 pounds. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, I have to remember to put myself and my needs first, something I am learning to do. Giving up my caregiver role for my best friend, age 85, was especially heartbreaking, but I knew that with the IVIG, I could not keep up the pace. And sadly, she forgot my birthday and that was a tough one. Perhaps worse than the beer label card. Oh well, thanks again for the kind responses, all of you.

Well, we do hope we helped...even just a bit.

CindyC
CHrcc

Every comment has been extremely helpful and I am grateful for all of the responses.

✅️