Newly diagnosed: being brave and fearful at the same time

Dear Denise, @denisestlouie

Your strength and resilience inspire me. You've faced unimaginable challenges, from the traumatic experience with Crohn's disease to the recent cancer diagnosis. It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and uncertain.

Firstly, please acknowledge that you're not alone. For the past 18 months, someone said to me that I have been living in my head. Perhaps that's true for many of us - we've been living in my head because we don't want to bother folks with our angsts. Our feelings, fears, and doubts are valid. It just takes immense courage to admit vulnerability, in general, and I'm happy you have a therapist to help, in particular.

You've already demonstrated remarkable determination and adaptability by transforming your life to manage Crohn's. Now, focus on harnessing that same energy for cancer treatment.

Remember:

1. You are more than your diagnosis.
2. Your worth and identity extend beyond this challenge.
3. You've survived difficult situations before; you can do it again.

Trust in:

1. God's plan and strength.
2. Your medical team's expertise.
3. Your inner resilience.

Don't blame yourself; cancer is often unpredictable. Instead, focus on:

1. Self-care and compassion. Eat for nutrients, not just to feel full. Avoid sugar and carbs.
2. Mind-body connection (therapy, prayer, music, walks in the park or yard, meditation, etc.).
3. Surrounding yourself with positive support. Find at least one person, you could call in the middle of the night or go with you on appointments.

Celebrate your strengths:

1. Your 'strong, independent woman' spirit.
2. Your ability to lift others despite your own fears.
3. Your proactive approach to health.

You are:

1. A warrior, fighting for your life.
2. A survivor, with a story to share.
3. A beacon of hope, inspiring others.

Keep moving forward, one day at a time. Allow yourself to feel emotions, but don't let fear define you. You are capable of overcoming this.

In addition:

1. Continue journaling to process emotions.
2. Foster open communication with loved ones.
3. Celebrate small victories.
5. Seek support groups or online communities like this Mayo Forum. Stay positive.

Keep shining... you've got this!

It's rather a rhetorical question, isn't it. Managing fear and nurturing hope is a constant calibration. I'm glad you found to the forum where you can be open and frank about both and everything in between. 🙂

Yes that a good description. Your question is good. It's what I'm struggling to do.

Thank you

@denisestlouie, I'm just catching up with this discussion. I hope you don't mind, but I expanded the title of your discussion to be
"Newly diagnosed: being brave and fearful at the same time"
Let me know if you agree or would prefer a different wording.

I think many members in this support group can relate to that feeling of putting on the boxing gloves ready to take on cancer and then next moment crumbling with fear. Paradoxal emotions can live together like grief and hope. How do you honor the fear and nuture (or reframe) hope?

Hi Denise: I can feel your strength when you recount for us your grueling two years of serious health issues. Helen is right when she wrote that she finds you resilient. Are there treatments for your newly found cancer? Your mind is strong. Allow yourself to have days when you don't feel positive, when you are scared, when you don't know what is going to happen. You know yourself very well. Go to that place of strength that allows you to ride the inevitable ups and downs you are presented with. You are a fighter and you are equipped to fight your biggest fight. Through this most supportive communication system through The Mayo Clinic, here is a place for us to support each other to the best of our capacities because we are all dealing with some form of cancer. When you meet with your family members and friends and they voice their fears to you about what you are going through, can you suggest to them that it would mean so much to you in this time to hear words of hope and comfort? Please stay in touch. Many hugs are going your way.

Writing is such a constructive way to sort things out and to release emotions that are welling up inside us. While you are regretting some lifestyle decisions of the past, blaming yourself is not the answer. It is not your fault. Do all you can now to take good care of yourself. At the very least you will feel better in the days ahead. Sending you hugs and best wishes.

Sending you the warmest of gentle hugs. You are so courageous and honest. Thank you. But, if you're like me, when you hear "You're courageous" you might want to slap me/us upside the head. We'd rather not have a situation in which we are called upon to be courageous. Uncertainty. It's hard beyond words. I'm trying to live one day at a time, but it isn't easy. I'm so glad you have a therapist. I did the first time around with cancer 19 years ago --- but not now. Know you are surrounded with loving care most of which yo can't see, but is there nonetheless. < 3

Thank you for sharing. I find this is a great forum
Of support for me! I am a vulvar cancer survivor after 1 year but always in fear. Keep the support coming🙏

@denisestlouie When I went through a difficult time my therapist suggested writing. By hand and in a paper journal. She said that writing by hand would be therapeutic and she was so right. After I wrote for days with everything on my mind and refraining from edits I did begin to feel lighter. Like you I read sections of my journal to my therapist.

With dyslexia, it must be more difficult for you to handwrite your memoir without a computer providing you with spellcheck . But then that's not the point. However long it takes is how long it takes. The effort is therapeutic and it's great that you share what you write with your therapist.

I remember feeling positive until I didn't. I wondered too if I was in some sort of denial and the reality finally hit me. This was when I had the recurrence two years after my initial diagnosis. I talked with my radiation oncologist about this and that's how I got the referral to Integrative Medicine and to a therapy group of gynecological cancer survivors.

I like to think Mayo Clinic Connect is a safe place to share what you'd like to say. I'm going to tag a few people who may also be able to provide you with support. @andwho @gynosaur42 @angierivas1 @plshouse1

When I'm overwhelmed I write. I'm am also dyslexic so writing wasn't something that I did do until I got sick 2 years ago. I just had to get the voices out of my head. I'm currently working on a memoir. I handwrite it. It just seems more therapeutic when it comes through my hands and a pen. I started it because I wanted to write my story in a positive way so that I could tell myself how I became the person that I am. I do like myself and I want it to tell how my trials throughout my life have made me the person that I am today. I don't intend to make this a public memoir but I do read it to my therapist as I finish each section. That's also very therapeutic.
Past two days I have just been so sad about the reality of my situation. And that is coming off of being in a very positive place for the past 2 weeks. All that positivity felt like I was being in denial. I have conflicting narratives going on in my head. I have every intention to be back in that positive side. It Is some much better way to live than to being sad. Thank you for your comments. I think I joined this group so that I could have a safe place to say what I need to say and I really need the comments. Thank you thank you thank you