My wife is furious at me 3 weeks post RARP

She may not know, but prostate cancer wife support is right here.
There are a number of wives here, who are wonderful supports for their husbands.
Hopefully one or two will pop in to say hi.

Bilateral nerve-sparing is a very good thing & bodes well for your recovery.
It can take up to 2 years to go back to "normal".
At 3 weeks, her expectations are nowhere near reality.

While it is common to be able to get an erection after nerve sparing, there is one problem that comes up related to the surgery. Even though you may have no incontinence problems when you have an Orgasm it is not uncommon for urine to come out. You might have to wear a condom while having sex.

I’d like to hear what other people have to say about this issue.

@jeffmarc Climacturia. Annoying, but partially kept under control by emptying your bladder as much as possible before.

@shayes914, I can imagine that you are surprised and hurt by your wife's response and her expectations. Sometimes the people who are closest to us react in unexpected ways when we become sick, especially with something scary and unknown to them like cancer. It sounds like she is scared for the future.

Naturally, all the medical appointments, treatment and decision making are focused on the patient. Perhaps she feels that she was not consulted or asked her opinion. She may feel this way even if she was involved. Her reaction may not be coming from a rational place, but rather from fear. And perhaps she feels 3 weeks after surgery she can start thinking "What about me?"

Is being worried about herself a new behavior for her? Have you considered going to see an oncology social worker together to talk about the future, including sex and intimacy?

WTAF. I have no words - nice ones anyway - for this. Just wow. My wife is the total opposite of yours and I am very thankful. Wait til yours finds out about ADT drugs. Oh boy.

That's a truly sad situation. My wife has been extremely supportive, I couldn't imagine if I was under fire from her for getting cancer out of my body - and using the technique recommended by doctors to boot. The fact you had nerve sparing is good, perhaps she can be convinced to simply be patient. I had an erection very soon after waking up from surgery, never missed a beat since. That's not everyone experience but the overwhelming outcome is that you will have a return to erections again soon. In the meantime, don't be afraid to use a penis pump to make sure you aren't losing any length or girth while your little soldier is sleeping.

First of all I don't think I'd be posting what goes between me and myself on here; for one thing you will probably get some bad advice especially from those who haven't been where you are now

I meant and my wife sorry

@asolidrock I think the trolls have left. The rest of us do care.

Sounds like she's been reading some very pessimistic stuff on the web. Yeah, there's a real risk of ED, but when I asked my surgeon he gave me a 70% chance of being able to perform at 1 year. I thought that was pretty good and I went ahead with surgery (at age 70). It took about 15 months of penile rehab (and some good luck) but I'm back to normal. But maybe your wife just doesn't understand that the numbers aren't really that bad since nerve sparing was done, especially if you had an excellent surgeon. Maybe a discussion with yourself, her, and your surgeon might be useful to discuss this. Also, if ED does result, there are options like the pump. shots, or implant that are available. One thing I do know is that I had a lot of anxiety during my recovery about the ED aspect, which made it harder to perform. As one doctor said on a video about this, anxiety is like an anti-Viagra. Plus, as mentioned above, there'll be other things to work through as well such as possibly some urine release during the sex act. I had that problem initially, but it went away as I figured out the new normal. My point being it might be helpful if she understands that it's way too early to assume worst, but her role as partner will be key to both of your success in getting back to being able to have a satisfying sex life. Best wishes.