long distance support, relocation before/during treatment

I can’t help much with how to manage care from that far away from home, although I know people who have done it. I travel 3 1/2 hours to Houston, TX to go to MD Anderson an often have to stay overnight multiple nights. The evening before and after my surgery I stayed at a Marriott hotel with my husband. I stayed at an old friend’s house during radiation treatment (I lived in Houston for many years in the past).

It has been amazing to meet people from all over the country that travel for care. The Rotary International supports a hotel next to my cancer center to provide lower cost hotel rooms for cancer patients. In the elevator I met a guy who had been returning every year for 18 years for follow ups!!! On the patio I met a young woman with brain cancer from Colorado whose girl friends took vacation time to take turns staying with her during post surgery recovery. Her mother and sister were there at the time (consider everyone’s travel costs, vacation time, it’s a lot).
I could see where that’s one of the issues with having to travel far is having your support group nearby. We’re each different in how we deal with emotionally and physically difficult times and which supports are the most important. It can affect recovery.
For me, since I had the option, choosing the cancer center was more important than having to sleep, and be pretty confined, to a hotel room the days after surgery. At first I traveled back every 3 months, then 6 months, and coming up to my 3 year anniversary it will be now only be once a year. I spend 2-3 nights in Houston depending on how many scans and doctors I need to see, and whether I feel like driving home on the last day after the last one.

As far as insurance, she should pursue whether her coverage will actually pay even if the hospital is on the out of network list. The cancer center told me that my insurance was not on their approved list but they encouraged me to call and verify that with my insurance company. I did, and found out that if the cancer center billed my insurance, they would pay. And they have, all at in-network coverage level.

@mattd008

Welcome to Mayo Connect. I understand your concern about your sister. She is in the early stage of diagnosis and treatment. I assume she had a biopsy in order to provide the stage 1 triple negative diagnosis. Once all the tests are done, her care team will come up with a treatment plan. Once she knows that, she can discuss with her team when and where she will get treatment. Everyone's experience with treatment is different. Depending on treatment plan, she may be done with treatment within a year with just follow up medications and rechecks.

She may be more comfortable getting treatment close to home. The stress of moving and relocating while being treated for cancer may be overwhelming.

Sometimes it is hard to be supportive from a distance, but it is easy to keep in touch and give her encouragement.

Perhaps your sister would appreciate some help for a short period after surgery, family members on the west coast could travel east to provide that short term assistance. In that way she could stay where she is familiar and have her family near if needed

@roch you are correct. Biopsy provided the correct diagnosis and her MRI just happened. Based on what they learn her treatment plan should be created and we will figure out how to support her decisions on how/where/when to proceed.
Thanks for your message. This all helps.

Have your sister check out this forum. I've learned a few things and have been guided towards directions to research.

Time is not a luxury any cancer patient has, and tnbc is no different... in fact, it's even more important that those diagnosed with tnbc get on a path sooner if possible. My stage 1 tnbc was stage 2 by the time my bilateral mastectomy happened. I had options, from lumpectomy to radiation, and chose mastectomy and reconstruction followed by an upcoming dose dense chemo.

From diagnosis to surgery was 4 months.... and now my chemo starts which will add another 5 months. I don't turn 65 until August 2025 and was fortunate to still be on private insurance so I could go anywhere for treatment... and I did. From up in the hills to the big city... I dropped everything for the best treatment I felt I could get. It hasn't been an easy journey. My goal has always been to give myself the best shot at being cancer free without recurrence.
Not everyone has that option. Insurance doesn't always cover bilateral mastectomy if the cancer hasn't spread past the original site... and then won't cover reconstruction for aesthetic if not related to cancer. I wouldn't suggest treatment options to anyone unless I was aware of what is or isn't covered.... or if they were a candidate for financial aid.

If money isn't an issue.... I'd show up at her front door and stay for the next year. The next best thing is to let her know you are there for her in heart and spirit.

I can only speak for myself. When I was dealing with cancer, I didn't appreciate others trying to organize my life. It's hard enough that the medical system deprives patients of her autonomy. If she says she wants her treatment where she lives on the East Coast, she should have that. Moving is very stressful at the best of times. Your sister is dealing with a life threatening illness. What she needs is your support. It sounds like you're a close knit family. Can you or other family members come out for periodic visits during her treatment? You might suggest that she get a second opinion at a major cancer center in California. At the very least, it will put all of your minds at ease, if it turns out they recommend exactly what the plan is on the East Coast. You have to pay but major Cancer Centers do Video Second Opinions. She would have to send all her records to the Center.
A suggestion to her is to join Mayo Clinic Connect support for her specific breast cancer and contact SHARE Cancer Support. They are headquartered in NYC but provide support by phone or online. Check out their website but I suggest that the first contact she has is by phone: 844-ASK-SHARE. She will immediately be talking with a woman who has been through female cancer and treatment. I am usually not a "joiner" but I found them most welcome and supportive. They have on line support groups for just about any support a woman with female cancer needs. Again, I can only speak for myself. The combination of Mayo Clinic Connect and SHARE is what helped more than friends and family. Family and friends have the best intentions but they haven't been through it. Also, most likely the cancer center she is going to will offer supplemental treatment such as massage therapy, accupuncture, art therapy etc. She should avail herself of those services even if she has never tried them before. If she needs transportation for her treatment, she should contact the American Cancer Society. They are another invaluable source of support.
You sound like a loving, concerned sister. She is very lucky to have you. She sounds like a woman who values her independence. Try to support what she wants during this difficult time. Best of luck to her.