I’ve Really Done it This Time

Hello, in late October, after my then great therapist unilaterally decided to drop me as a client, I was beyond beside myself. I hit my head on my kitchen cabinet while getting something out of my oven,
. After it happened,I just kept moving, which is what I do… later while on the phone with my friend I reached back to the top of my head and realized it was “ bloodier than a stuck pig, at which point I called my insurance company “ virtual 24/7 care service.” The woman admonished me for taking 4 Norco in a 16 hour period ( i have chronic back pain and will be having surgery soon), and and said “ well you did not lose consciousness so you don’t have a concussion..” I knew better, but it was late, raining and the person I usually call “ just in case “ had dumped because she thought I had joined the wrong church…I recently joined the episcopal church in an effort to meet like minded people etc. In any case,I spent Election Day in the ER , and the CT SCAN was negative. However, the meds given by my neurologist caused early glaucoma, and now I have to get laser treatment. It’s all good, except for the fact that I feel like a wind up toy. My already existing anxiety has increased tenfold and I’m unable to relax. I’m walking five miles a day, it’s helping; however ,given it’s holiday season, I feel more depressed than normal, even though I my father died on Boxing Day in 1995. It’s just never been the same. And I’ve been staying with my big sister for the past three weeks, and we had the first argument ever. All because I was trying to help her…she screamed at me,” it’s your fault that you don’t have any family, just me..” Later I asked her, “ if all you feel is pity for me, then I don’t want you in my life…” Oh goodness, I have another sister who disowned me five years ago, and suddenly I feel totally abandoned and alone. I’ve made arrangements to try to connect with yet another therapist, but right now all of my feelings feel magnified by hundreds, and I know it’s because of my concussion. Does anyone have some suggestions for me? I’m listening to some great podcasts, walking eating the best stuff, but I’m so sad that I can’t even describe it. I’m sorry, I rarely feel so desperate, usually figuring out how to get through this, but right now I feel really alone and lost. Thank you for reading my post.