It's all so complicated

I had my first CT scan on friday. All is good no signs of cancer. To day I have an Echocardiogram and next Monday a physical at the oncologist. Then I'll begin a year long targeted therapy.

I've decided to view my recovery and cancer cure my responsibility. I've have control over following my doctors recommendations for allopathic care and I'm responsible for ensuring my body is as healthy as it can be. To make all the more complicated I also have Crohn's disease. While the research doesn't link Crohn's and uterine cancer together I believe in my case they are. I lived for over a decade with undiagnosed Crohn's that kept my body inflamed always. Then once I was diagnosed I went on immune suppressing drugs. Less then 18 mos later I developed a rare and aggressive cancer.

It is because of Crohn's that I started seeing an environmental holistic doctor. He listens to my entire health story. What happened to me earlier in life sets me up with negative outcome on. He test for allergies and infections. He uses food and supplements primarily. He is also an MD he does prescribe meds put with the understanding that as the body heals the medication can be reduced and eventually stopped. I'm eating a metibolic syndrome diet. It's a low carbohydrate diet focusing on what whole food and primarily plant based. Animal protein is also prescribed but is limited to about 4 oz twice a day. I've been eating this way since July when I was first diagnosed. I loss weight. I'm the same weight I was when I was in my early 20s. I feel great and I felt mostly well throughout the chemotherapy.

I have a significant other I live with. I love him but he has temper issues. He is not physically abusive but emotionally he is. I've asked him to move out. I need a quiet environment. This is the most difficult part of cancer recovery. He doesn't get it. He doesn't see his consent blowups as an issue for me because he's not usually directing them at me, but I internalize it. It keeps my stomach in knots.

Friday we had a huge blow up. I started it. I left the house to get a CT Scan. He knows where I was going. When I returned 2 hours later he was gone. I was upset that he wasn't home. Then he sends a text indicating he is scheduled to work that evening. He is a musician. We had plans to go to the orchestra together. He wants to work. He is again choosing something else over me.He makes out like he's concerned but he doesn't act like it. Another example was he or my sister would go with me to chemotherapy. When Mel took me he get me settled then leave the he hospital to go eat breakfast leaving me alone. I can do this alone I don't need anyone taking me. I needed the company and emotional support. He's not the one for that.

Saturday he was so angry. I just avoided him. I went shopping with my sister and in the evening he went out

Sunday he apologized and says he needs therapy. We have a quiet day together. He thinks it all been resolved. I tell him nothing has changed. He still needs to find his own place. If he follows through with therapy and maybe even see a psychologist for medication I would work with him but nothing has changed as of yet. He was angry again. He so manipulative. He knows the words but he usually doesn't follow through. I was very clear that I can not heal and fight cancer when my home is not a calming place to live.

I have control over my food choices and exercise schedule but I have no control over his emotional outburst and these outburst keep me on edge and stressed.

I didn't realize cancer would force me to change my relationships too. It sucks. I know that I have to do this. I know his admission to his issues and saying he will go to therapy are diversions that are an attempt to get me to change my mind. None of that matters unless he follows through and changes in his behavior result.

So I'm emotionally dumping on you all who are reading this. I'm sorry. It is however part of my cancer journey.

Denise