1. < Gynecologic Cancers

Is it possible to over think something as life transforming as cancer

Posted by Denise @denisestlouie, 3 days ago

The occupational hazard of being a financial planner is in the title, planner'. I've been educated as trained to forecast the future looking for potential risk and looking for ways to mitigate risk. I know there are many occupations like mine that require us to be forward thinking. To be looking for danger and coming up for a plan to deal with it.

I've been trying to approach my cancer diagnosis and treatment in the same way. But the problem is I don't have all the information. I'm supposed to trust the medical staff to know what they're doing. But I need them to show me their work there just isn't enough time during our visits, the 20 minutes that we're allowed with our doctor. And usually it's much less than 20 minutes to get the information I need. So I turn to PubMed support groups ,anywhere I can go to get information. It just doesn't seem right.

Today I feel less anxious than on other days. But on those days that I feel anxious. I just need someone to hold my hand. And there is nobody who can do that for me because I don't just need anyone holding my hand. I need people who know what they're doing to treat those with cancer to hold my hand and they don't have the time to do that. The care manager in my doctor's office is so busy. She refuses to return my phone call ever. She even wrote me and said unfortunately there isn't enough time a day to speak with patients. It just makes me feel so insignificant. Like I'm just a number.

I think the greater problem is the fact that I need to know what the future's going to bring and nobody can tell me. That sucks., royally. I've been dealing with this knowledge for 4 months and instead of getting better it's getting more difficult. I'm seeing a therapist. I now am taking medicine for anxiety. I do get to see my oncologist or his nurse practitioner every 3 weeks when I go in for treatment so it's not like I'm left alone. My brain is just sticky I just don't know how to make it. Stop doing what it's doing. I guess I just have to wait. They say time makes things better. Maybe it's time that I need.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Gynecologic Cancers Support Group.

Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | 3 days ago

@denisestlouie You've asked some significant questions. Is it possible to overthink cancer? I believe the answer is a resounding "yes" however it won't stop any of us from doing just that. Fortunately as humans we have frontal lobes that allow us all sorts of behavioral functions such as planning, thinking, organizing, initiating and inhibiting our responses. I write "fortunately" because in many circumstances our frontal lobes serve us well. Until they do not. This is when I think I'd be more content to be a bird or a squirrel living in my yard where my big decisions are where to get my food and where to find shelter. But I'm not a bird or a squirrel. I'm. human so how can I possibly live in the present as I am often asked to do? And how can I do this when faced with a life-threatening disease such as cancer?

I learned about mindfulness practices almost 20 years ago. It took me many years to figure it out and how to quiet my brain from all that overthinking. I think some of us are "more wired" that way than others and we choose professions, as you did, where trying to predict the future serves us well. With mindfulness and acceptance I've learned to turn my attention away from the over thinking that I am so prone to do. Not that I do it well all the time. I don't. Sometimes I lie awake at night and notice that my thoughts are churning and weaving in and out. Keeping me awake. I have that a-ha moment when I say to myself, oh, yes. I can do some practices that will me get back to sleep. I focus on my breath. With a breath in, I count to 4. I hold my breath for a count of 4. I breathe out to a count to 6. Or a variation of those counts. Sometimes I visualize a place where I have felt calm and safe.

When I was first diagnosed with endometrial cancer and then two years later with a recurrence I had to remind myself to do these practices. I took long walks. I walked outside at night and stood on my front porch and looked at the sky. Well, not at winter as it was too cold but even if I stepped outside for a few minutes I found it calming to be out of my house and looking at the sky. Or the trees.

I sent you a private message. You can find the private message by clicking on the envelope at the top right of this screen. You should see a number on that envelope indicating the number of private messages that you have.

REPLY
1 reply
Denise | @denisestlouie | 3 days ago
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@denisestlouie You've asked some significant questions. Is it possible to overthink cancer? I believe the answer..." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@denisestlouie You've asked some significant questions. Is it possible to overthink cancer? I believe the answer is a resounding "yes" however it won't stop any of us from doing just that. Fortunately as humans we have frontal lobes that allow us all sorts of behavioral functions such as planning, thinking, organizing, initiating and inhibiting our responses. I write "fortunately" because in many circumstances our frontal lobes serve us well. Until they do not. This is when I think I'd be more content to be a bird or a squirrel living in my yard where my big decisions are where to get my food and where to find shelter. But I'm not a bird or a squirrel. I'm. human so how can I possibly live in the present as I am often asked to do? And how can I do this when faced with a life-threatening disease such as cancer?

I learned about mindfulness practices almost 20 years ago. It took me many years to figure it out and how to quiet my brain from all that overthinking. I think some of us are "more wired" that way than others and we choose professions, as you did, where trying to predict the future serves us well. With mindfulness and acceptance I've learned to turn my attention away from the over thinking that I am so prone to do. Not that I do it well all the time. I don't. Sometimes I lie awake at night and notice that my thoughts are churning and weaving in and out. Keeping me awake. I have that a-ha moment when I say to myself, oh, yes. I can do some practices that will me get back to sleep. I focus on my breath. With a breath in, I count to 4. I hold my breath for a count of 4. I breathe out to a count to 6. Or a variation of those counts. Sometimes I visualize a place where I have felt calm and safe.

When I was first diagnosed with endometrial cancer and then two years later with a recurrence I had to remind myself to do these practices. I took long walks. I walked outside at night and stood on my front porch and looked at the sky. Well, not at winter as it was too cold but even if I stepped outside for a few minutes I found it calming to be out of my house and looking at the sky. Or the trees.

I sent you a private message. You can find the private message by clicking on the envelope at the top right of this screen. You should see a number on that envelope indicating the number of private messages that you have.

Jump to this post

You have a very good way of putting things.
I was introduced to mindfulness/mediation in later 2021. It's really difficult. I don't think I ever was able to do it for more than a minute maybe two. I just felt so antsy. Then I got really sick with a bowel obstruction then diagnosed with Crohn's and all that went to the way side.

I think my excessive worry is compounded by the fact that I have 2 diseases. My Crohn's disease is concerned moderate/severe because it caused the scarring that resulted in the obstruction. The treatment is expensive biologics that weaken the immune system. My oncologist said that they exposes us to infections and he considers cancer an infection. I developed cancer within a year and half of being on the biologic. I can't conclude it caused the cancer, but it didn't help me fight it either.

I had a lengthy conversation with the GI after the cancer diagnosis and told of the treatment plan. I told her I didn't think I was a candidate for immune suppressing drugs any longer. She said I would be protected while receiving chemotherapy but I would be in a full blown flair by January. She knows I'm seeing a functional doctor. I explained I believe we identified why my Crohn's developed, but of course she says there is no known cause. I don't think it will matter who my GI is they all ascribe to that belief.

I can be a very disciplined person. I can follow the metabolic syndrome diet (most of the time) and I can make time to exercise. Exercise is more difficult because of the time commitment, but I can do it. I believe those two things will keep my cancer free after this series of treatment is finished. I'm going to have a maintenance therapy so I feel I have it covered, except for the Crohn's. I don't even have normal symptoms of Crohn's. The doctors considered it silent. It wasn't, I had lots of inflammation, joint pain and fatigue, but my primary wasn't really concerned so neither was I. I think I lived with undiagnosed Crohn's the or close to 20 years. I am basing that on when I first noticed my stiff hands and fatigue. It came and went through out that time. When it was gone I didn't think about it. When it came I was just trying to manage the symptoms.

Even my oncologist is cautious about Crohn's. I'm not eligible for immunotherapies because of Crohn's. He wouldn't recommend radiation either. They might use immunotherapies if I have a recurrence but I can't have them as Frontline treatment. Besides, according to my oncologist, my caris report indicates that I would not respond to the FDA approved immunotherapies.

I'm really in great health by all of my biomarkers from blood test. There are so many positive things going on in me even while going through chemotherapy. I haven't even had a difficult time with the chemotherapy. Physically I'm great.

As I write this I just thought of something. When I see my oncologist or nurse practitioner I'm going to ask for a referral to a cardiologist. That because herceptin can cause heart toxicity and my cardioeckogram did show change in my heart so I want to be proactive. I should also ask if he knows of a GI who would be more open to just monitoring me and not insisting on drugs. The only problem I have with changing Gastroenterologist is my therapist is in her clinic and only clinic patients have access to her. She's the one provider I'm very attracted to. Everyone else could be replaced.

See the over thinking is happening.

I trust my functional doctor more than I trust, my oncologist, my primary or my gastroenterologist. I trust him because he looks at me as an entire person, not just a guy, not just a uterus but an entire person. Why can't all medico doctors be that way?

REPLY
cookercooker | @cookercooker | 3 days ago

We all would like to know where we're headed, plan for the future and be assured that we'll get there. But nothing is certain. Hang on and try to go with the flow, knowing that you can do THIS cancer journey. Words of wisdom that are pertinent not only to cancer patients but also everyone: "You have to be willing to give up the life you planned, and instead, greet the life that is waiting for you," (Joseph Campbell).

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.