Hope

When I think about it I wake up almost every day with hope. The hope that the day will go as planned. The hope that I make the sale I have been preparing for. The hope that our vacation will be fun and memorable. Sometimes I have hoped for things that seemed out of reach like becoming a parent. Now I am hoping that the lifestyle changes I have made and the use of an old drug applied to my cancer type will protect me from further illness.

I am coming to the conclusion that the difference between a wish and hope is action. When I wish for something it's usually a pipe dream. Its something that will just magically occur. A wish becomes hope when you can see a path for getting the thing that you want.

Let's start with the example of me having hope of becoming a parent. It wasn't something that would just happen to me in the same way as it happens to other people. I wasn't going to conceive on my own. That was such a sad moment to be told that becoming pregnant would be difficult, expensive and might not be possible at all. Once I had mulled that over I realized being pregnant wasn't the goal. My goal was to become a parent. Once I had clarity of what I wanted I figured out what it would take and I developed a plan. Four years later I was sitting in a hotel room in China with the most wonderful person sitting on my lap blowing raspberries at me. I did the impossible I became a parent.

Today my hope is that cancer of any kind will not happen to me again. This is not a wish. I'm not just crossing my fingers and praying for this. I have a plan and I'm taking steps. Although we don't have a perfect understanding of why cancer happens to some people we have clues. It's my belief that cancer develops when there is a catastrophic failure. Multiple systems were not operating well. It's complex and cancer does not take the same path in every person. We all live a unique life.

Surgery and chemotherapy are good starts to stopping the disease progression, but they are not a cure for what caused the disease to start. My plan is to do what it takes to make my body and mind as healthy as possible. Every day I get to make decisions to choose what I will eat and how I will move my body. I get to make the decisions to follow the advice and recommendations of the doctors I’ve hired. Everyday I get to choose a healthy lifestyle.

I am hopeful about my future. I do believe I some control over the inner workings of my body. I see no downside to my belief system. I’m doing healthy things and I feel amazing. I am strong. Just this past Thursday I was able to lift, move and spread 20 bags of mulch and on Friday do the same with 10 more bags. I fall asleep in a reasonable manner, stay asleep though the night and wake up energized. I just don’t see how any of that will harm me.

I have turned a pessimistic view of the future into one of hope. All it took was an attitude adjustment and a lot hard work.

Denise