Help: How can I help a family member who has shut down?

For my 30 something going through something different, I was told "don't chase, but be there." In other words, give the person space but do small gestures (card or short text w/emojis, for instance), and let them know you would love to help and support. Then wait. It's hard!

Do you know if she has told her doctor about her serious depression?

Are you near-by? If so, and if you like the kids, I'd try and do something fun with them from time to time. The whole family system is under pressure. Your niece may not be able to talk about her feelings right now and often folks in chemo can seem shut down. They are just trying to survive. If not near-by, I'd suggest some little "thinking of you" gestures like snail mail or flowers or treats for kids, anything friendly. The best thing you can offer is your affection. I love being an aunt, and I'm touched to read of your concern. Hang in, she may be more communicative once out of chemo.

auntred25, very touching post.
help her have space. It must be difficult to cook, if anyone can take over the chefs position it would probably be helpful.
For the metallic taste there isn't a good remedy, but heated food seems to enhance the taste, whereas cold food lessens it. For some acidic foods make it worse. She might try avoiding foods prepared in metal dishes or canned foods. If she has a favorite ice cream or popsicle, mints or cinnamon candies could prove helpful. There is a product called metaquil mouthwash that I've heard helps. Amazon
These are things that should just be there for her to notice ; I'd guess she doesn't need advice currently.

Thank you so much I will definitely take in consideration all you said… this week has been hard for her so I take any and all the advise I can get. Thank you again

I hope things are going better. My cancer clinic had a cancer psychologist to help. Just a thought as at first going through all this is a nightmare. I was given some books by my family that helped as well.
One book is called uplift by Barbara Delinsky. Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors. It is all about different women and their cancer stories. It goes thru all the stages of cancer treatment and how they felt. It was very helpful and uplifting. I used to read a little each night when the house was quiet and all in bed. Sending hugs to you both and I hope things will get a little easier for her soon.

Thank you so much for responding and giving good advice. I will definitely check out the books. I wish I could just take it all away but we know I can not. I just want her to know that we love her so much and want to help her through this but the hardest thing is I don’t have breast cancer and I don’t know what she is going through but I have this platform to help me through this with her. Thank you so much for reaching out!

Dear @auntred25 - you are kind & thoughtful, and have received many smart suggestions. I would try them all. She needs all sorts of help to get through this. My help is a little different.
She also needs some “tough” honest love. Yes cancer sucks. Yes treatment is hard. Yes the journey is not easy. Yes it is not fair. But she is not just doing this journey for herself - she has a family. There are and will be bright spots. Connect them. She needs to put her “big girl panties” on & start taking those steps towards living. She is not the first nor the last on this journey. There is a whole team “pulling & pushing” her. This team includes all of us. I speak from experience. I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer in 2019. Turned down w/surgery & drugs until summer of 2021. Turned back down with lots of chemo & drugs until Dec 2024 when Stage 4 Ovarian presented itself with a brain tumor. Surgery & radiation nipped it. Now something is percolating. All not fair but gosh over the last 5 years I have been so busy living, and I have so much planned. My big girl panties are back on and will make all work with my upcoming family ski trip! Hugs from all of us to both of you.

Thank you!!!! I am The Aunt Red!! lol I give her the tough love, when she told me she would rather die because she had no taste I lost it!! I told her she has kids that need her and a family that loves her! We all are in this journey just we have different responsibilities. She is like my own daughter! And if you would see her talk to her you would know she is a fighter!! I tell her the tough things and she pushes back but I push even when I know from here to give her space. I just want her to know that like you said Cancer Sucks! But if you just say it and not mean it , Cancer will win and the thoughts of that is unbearable! I read each post and thank you so much for reaching out I need all the help I can get!!! Hugs to you and your family and BTW gonna tell your journey to her. You are strong 💪 I admire your fight!!! 🩷.

Sucking on dried cranberries (craisins) helped my sister when she took paxlovid. Maybe she could try that.