Fear of radiation after lumpectomy

I agree with others here, you MUST do research, learn and ask questions. I just finished 3 weeks proton beam radiation, and I feel really, really great. My neck, collarbone was radiated. I feel quite well. I have LVI Lympovascular Invasion and decided that radiation and an inhibitor along wtih a plant based diet, exercise, faith and positive relationships and outlook are my best defense against a reccurence. It's hard but
God is with us.

My husband died right before my cancer was found. We had been married 58 years, the last 10 as his caregiver. What with everything that has gone down, I still thought I was happy, then I finally realized I was very anxious. My oncologist upped my dose of Citalopram from 10 to 20 mg. and what a difference! Now I can let things slide.

Turkey tail mushroom is prescribed to all cancer victims in Japan. I got some on Amazon. Unfortunately it gave me diarrhea.
I have mentioned here before that i was left with some neuropathy from the chemo, but I had no problems, except losing my hair ,and no problems with 30 sessions of radiation, just this year. I am 80. I decided not to take Tamoxifen because i had an awful menopause with no estrogen in my system, I had a lumpectomy and two lymph nodes removed.

Be sure to ask him about deformities due to location, depth and size of your scar.. I can only tell you that my scar from surgeries is a bit deforming but that is partially due to the scars that I build, any cut or surgery builds weird, angry scars for me. I like to think of them as the visible memories of my life.
I would also encourage you to talk to your doctor frankly about your body image and the depression, if this doctor cannot recommend help, ask them to send you to someone who can. There are ways to reconstruct after breast surgery if there are deformities, and honestly I don’t think any of us gets through the treatments without some depression. Even those who have never had depression can struggle mightily with breast cancer, better living through chemistry (antidepressants) aren’t always a bad thing, you are going through a lot.
Do you have a list of questions ready for your appointment?

Thanks for this information, it gives me some ideas about talking with the radiation oncologist.

Well, I really don't want to have any more deformities and that is a personal frailty that I know should not be high on the list. However, I know what it would do to my mental health which is already suffering from clinical depression and a low self esteem. The more important reason is that I am scared to death of having any more "side effects" that will limit what I can do or add to the existing problems that I have and make me hate being alive. I have osteoarthritis and am being tested for psoriatic arthritis; neuropathy in my right foot; a constant battle with insomnia, weight gain and depression; and have low energy. After three years of constant pain in my shoulders where I couldn't sleep from the pain, I couldn't do up my bra or my apron, couldn't wash my hair etc. etc. - I finally got treatment that healed them and am back to being able to move almost normally. The relief of this made a huge difference to my entire mental and physical well being. I have suffered with suicidal thoughts and had one attempt a number of years ago. Having looked at the side effects from both the radiation and the Tamoxifen which might bring back much of that and more, I am scared of myself not being able to cope with it. Right now, about 5 weeks after the partial mastectomy, I have some minor pain that I can tolerate, I have a nasty scar that I don't like but can tolerate, my breast is a bit smaller than the other one but mostly looks normal and I can tolerate that. So I am going about most of my regular life activities without too much trouble, but if I get to the point where I can't do regular daily life without a great deal of pain and lack of energy etc. I am worried I won't be able to stand it.

I did not have anything severe. When I had radiation, there was some severe fatigue. There was a burning of the breast and the greasy salve was not helpful. I bought a bottle of pure aloe Vera with no alcohol and kept it in the refrigerator. Using that a few times a day made it bearable to continue working. All the deformity in my breasts were from the surgeries.
I took tamoxifen for 5 years, and then anastrazole for even more years. I had the hot flashes and maybe a bit of what your mom called the squiggles. I found that staying hydrated really helped with that, it was mostly noticeable in my ankles at night when I wanted to sleep.
The only long term side effects I have had are related to the chemotherapy that I took.
What about this frightens you the most?.

I was wondering if you had any long term side effects from either the radiation or the Tamoxifen? My mom's breast looked almost normal after the lumpectomy, but a long term effect after the radiation is that it started to shrink until it almost was not there and looked like a botched mastectomy and the nipple disappeared (inverted?). It was very painful, even to have the water in the shower touch it. (So we had a hard time getting her to bathe!) She had many other physical and mental side effects including confusion and loss of memory, severe hot flashes, something she called the "squiggleies" which would present like restless leg syndrome but worse in her spine and abdomen, leg cramps, insomnia etc. - just to name a few. I am definitely going to see the radiology oncologist and listen to all options, I'm just really scared!

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind thoughts and It is good to hear that some people don't have the bad side effects.

Thank you!