Fear of radiation after lumpectomy

Well, I really don't want to have any more deformities and that is a personal frailty that I know should not be high on the list. However, I know what it would do to my mental health which is already suffering from clinical depression and a low self esteem. The more important reason is that I am scared to death of having any more "side effects" that will limit what I can do or add to the existing problems that I have and make me hate being alive. I have osteoarthritis and am being tested for psoriatic arthritis; neuropathy in my right foot; a constant battle with insomnia, weight gain and depression; and have low energy. After three years of constant pain in my shoulders where I couldn't sleep from the pain, I couldn't do up my bra or my apron, couldn't wash my hair etc. etc. - I finally got treatment that healed them and am back to being able to move almost normally. The relief of this made a huge difference to my entire mental and physical well being. I have suffered with suicidal thoughts and had one attempt a number of years ago. Having looked at the side effects from both the radiation and the Tamoxifen which might bring back much of that and more, I am scared of myself not being able to cope with it. Right now, about 5 weeks after the partial mastectomy, I have some minor pain that I can tolerate, I have a nasty scar that I don't like but can tolerate, my breast is a bit smaller than the other one but mostly looks normal and I can tolerate that. So I am going about most of my regular life activities without too much trouble, but if I get to the point where I can't do regular daily life without a great deal of pain and lack of energy etc. I am worried I won't be able to stand it.

Turkey tail mushroom is prescribed to all cancer victims in Japan. I got some on Amazon. Unfortunately it gave me diarrhea.
I have mentioned here before that i was left with some neuropathy from the chemo, but I had no problems, except losing my hair ,and no problems with 30 sessions of radiation, just this year. I am 80. I decided not to take Tamoxifen because i had an awful menopause with no estrogen in my system, I had a lumpectomy and two lymph nodes removed.

Be sure to ask him about deformities due to location, depth and size of your scar.. I can only tell you that my scar from surgeries is a bit deforming but that is partially due to the scars that I build, any cut or surgery builds weird, angry scars for me. I like to think of them as the visible memories of my life.
I would also encourage you to talk to your doctor frankly about your body image and the depression, if this doctor cannot recommend help, ask them to send you to someone who can. There are ways to reconstruct after breast surgery if there are deformities, and honestly I don’t think any of us gets through the treatments without some depression. Even those who have never had depression can struggle mightily with breast cancer, better living through chemistry (antidepressants) aren’t always a bad thing, you are going through a lot.
Do you have a list of questions ready for your appointment?

Thank you for the information. My mom died of breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy followed by a long course of radiation and 6 1/2 years of Tamoxifen. The side effects from these two treatments destroyed her quality of life and she got a recurrence despite following the full regime of treatments her Dr.'s prescribed. I know that if I refuse the treatments, my family will be super upset, but I don't think I'm willing to have my quality of life destroyed as my mom's was for the time I have left! 🙁 I have not yet seen the radiation oncologist or a regular oncologist - only the surgeon, so we'll see what's up after I meet with them. Has anyone out there ever tried the supplement Artemisinin (Sweet Wormwood)?? It is supposed to "dramatically kill breast cancer and leukemia cells while leaving normal breast cells and white blood cells unscathed. It has very few and mild side effects, but I can't find any testimonies of anyone who has actually taken it.