Family Support of health concerns

I am so sorry your sister is not supportive and seems to link your medical issues to your weight. Even if your weight factors in you deserve to be treated with respect and not dismissed.

Hi, I saw your comment, and I’m sorry you’ve received unhelpful and perhaps judgmental comments from your sister when you need her understanding and support. The last thing you need is to be dismissed. Of course you should be concerned about your health, especially when we’re dealing with impending tests and additional medical visits. These are the times when we need the support and understanding of those close to us. I don’t share much about my health or anything else with my sister. We simply aren’t close. Hopefully, there is someone else you can talk with, perhaps a trusted friend. And you have an ear on this forum.

I’m hoping you receive good news on your tests and at your visits. Please take care and take it easy on yourself. SJD

That’s hard to deal with when you’re going through such a stressful time. Maybe hurtful too, that it’s a “close relative”.
I think you’re right about not trying to change her mind; what she thinks is really not the issue here.
Is there anyone one else you can reach out to? A friend, neighbor, church group or counselor maybe? I know where I live the mental health system has peer counselors that you can talk to over the phone. They will also call and check on you.
We’re here for you too. Please keep us informed.

I definitely relate to your pain, I’ve dealt with the same issue many times. I too have a sister younger than me and very different in personality but also cold and uncaring. It really hit me hard when I had my 2nd cancer surgery and she phoned me two weeks later only to complain to me about problems she was having…it was definitely over for me with her because nothing ever worked out and now she’s really shown me how little she cared, I still struggle with my feelings about her but I will not give in. It’s very unfortunate that these things happen when you’re healthy you can cope but when your health isn’t so good you need love and support, someone told me to cut off ties with people who hurt you because they will only be a drain on your health and soul, best wishes for your recovery.

Hi, @kimmiesue, I was sorry to read of your lack of support, and your post brought to mind an early lesson my wife and I learned during her 14+ year-long battle with brain cancer. She, as a patient and as a full-time caregiver, quickly learned that we should never expect people to react to our situation as we hoped they would. So for our mental health, we set our expectations bar at the very bottom. We knew we couldn't make or wish someone to care differently, so we quit expecting them to meet what we'd have liked to see from them. This was not only freeing to us but also saved each of us from wasting our limited emotional energy wanting others to be different. It was hard at times -- especially when some decades-old friends chose to ignore us due to her illness.

Just our experiences.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

@IndianaScott I think that's a wise approach. It would save me some disappointment when people don't respond as I'd hoped. Fortunately I have coworkers who are very supportive and good listeners 🙂

This is a great perspective, Scott.

Our expectations of people often lead to disappointment.

Also, some people enjoy discussing medical issues and can handle the subject; others have zero interest OR are fearful of other's medical issues or have a fear of becoming ill so they avoid ill persons or persons who discuss health issues.

If we can look at the situation from the other person's point of view without getting defensive or hurt, we often fair better.

It can be hurtful when a close relative points out an obvious.

Yes: being overweight does multiply and intensify symptoms and the ability of the human body to "cope" with illnesses as they occur. You are painfully aware of that but it doesn't help you feel better when faced with a possible serious illness doctors are trying to figure out.

It could also be that as we get older managing out weight will become more important, especially when it comes to issues with our hips, knees, and feet, such as arthritis. I had knee surgery at age 42 due to an ACL tear. My knee reminds me, with pain, whenever I get close to my 'you are too heavy' weight.

On the other hand: I have a 65 yo sister-in-law who phones and texts me repeatedly - over the last ten years - complaining about her knee surgeries and any other malady she has. My sister-in-law a) rarely asks how I am doing, medically; b) is more than 30 pounds overweight; and c) drinks Jack Daniels every night for her knee pain.

I understand your plight, though. I have a sister who hates discussing anything medical about me but if it is about her medical issues, she discusses them a bit.

@slarson14 Yes... I acknowledge that my weight is an "issue" but right now I'm just trying to deal with the pressing matters at hand. My PCP and I have had this discussion and she said we would take measures to address my weight once we had stabilized/investigated the other issues. I know I would feel a lot better. Right now, I'm just taking things day by day. Yes, my sister has had her own health issues--I just listen and try to be supportive. We are all just doing the best we can at any given moment.

Yes, we all must have as much compassion and understanding both for others as well as ourselves. No perfect people made yet....