Family and friends reactions to diagnosis

I became metastatic in October 2022. When I was originally diagnosed in 2013 with stage 2B I did double mastectomy, 8 rounds of chemo and 5 years of AI letrozole. I told everyone and most reactions were “You’ve got this” and hopeful comments. This time with metastatic I told only my 2 adult children, sister and a few friends I volunteer with. The friends reactions were deer in the headlines look and Oh my God I’m so sorry you don’t look sick! My kids and sister however were great support. I stopped talking about it to everyone except my son and daughter and sister. I could not stand the explaining and the poor you looks. I stopped explaining and kept my mouth shut because as far as I was concerned I was living with cancer not dying from it. I wanted to be treated normal and those who have not walked in my shoes would never understand.
I am doing great to date. Had surgery to remove some lymph nodes near liver area (but not in it) and am currently back on letrozole. Pet scans every three months show no progression currently. I only share with folks I think deserve to know and that works for me.

I was diagnosed with IBC stage 1 on November 21st. I have been very vocal with some many people, to a certain extent which surprises me. I think there are several reasons. One is that when my father was dealing with IPF (idiopathy pulmonary fibrosis) there answer to the question, "How are you doing?" was "Doing as well as can be expected." That didn't give people any idea of what was really going on. Another reason that I am sharing is that I am the 3rd of 4 in my family to have breast cancer (one 30 year survivor, one 4 year survivor). Yes, I have done the genetic testing and don't have the gene. But our family history stinks when it comes to autoimmune disorders, especially IPF. There are 3 other more important reasons that I share. The first is my belief in the power of prayer. Second, we are designed to live in community and bear each other burdens (helping where and when we can). Thirdly, is to remind everyone to get there screenings and to advocate for themselves in their care. Advances in testing and in treatment have changed dramatically.

My daughter went with me for what I thought was going to be diagnosis of a cyst. I don't remember why she was with me, but she was recovering herself from a traumatic brain injury. At any rate she was there when the radiologist told me I was BIRADS 5 and with me when I saw my oncology surgeon for the first time. My other daughter lived with me and there was no keeping it from my son, so all three kids knew. I was divorced so no spouse support.

My mother, 87 at the time, said calmly "I wondered when someone would get that."

I told a few cousins after genetic testing, and maybe 3 friends over the first month or so. I wasn't looking for support. It just felt weird to be going through that and talking normally. Besides I figured a double mastectomy would show, but it doesn't!

I was so involved in my daughter's rehab and recovery from the TBI that I tend to forget breast cancer during that period. But 8 years later it is in the back of my mind.

@frogjumper : I was “lucky” enough that I only needed lumpectomy, no radiation and chemo. Plus, of course, Letrozole and Zometa. After making sure that there is not a genetic / hereditary component to my type of breast cancer, I decided to go mum. I told my brother/SIL who live overseas, and I told a neighbor/friend (who is a family counceler) down the road who has no conctact with my children or grands. And another friend, also totally out of the family loop, who went through a super tough experience with her own BC.
I did not see the point of getting my children and social friends all either stressed out, or at a loss for words. I had enough stress and anxiety all my own, did not need to deal with more emotions.
So far it worked. 21 months, all clear (yes, I know, don’t count my chickens), but I’ve gone from blind panic, to constant worry, to quiet awareness and caution.