Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health

@alamogal635 - I get the absolute fear, and I seem to react just like you. I hide when I'm fearful, until I can put them in perspective, I'm a basket case too. I just took a mini step back from Connect so that I could wrap my head around new news about my cancer. And that is I am walking around with a minimum of 4 cancerous lesions with many more that are too small to be considered much of anything. My cancer has increased in both the number of nodules and time in between treatments. And this will progress as time goes on, which I didn't know. I'm better now after a great visit with my oncologist.
During the first year of having cancer we really don't know what is going on and everything is new. I have a CT scan in December and because one of my lesions has grown it's likely I might need it zapped with SBRT. I am petrified, even if I know what it will be like.
I also tend to shy away from friends as I am so wrapped up in myself that I have nothing to say--ok, ok, I know, I always have something to say, but not when I'm petrified. I do not know if this is a good thing or not but it's how I seem react.
I think that we need to come up with a mantra for when we feel like this. What might yours be?
Having cancer turns us into being self-centered, not out of selfishness but being consumed with this disease. Friends are really necessary and the world is bigger than we are. It's good that you pray, if this gives you comfort. I don't pray to a God, I write and Mentor here. I also turn to Connect when I don't know what to do, or feel lost. It's amazing how comforting how some people can be and just pull you out of something. One of my mentor friends reminded me of something that I wrote and it woke me right up!
Are there any friends that call you at all or email? Staying home doesn't serve any purpose after a while and it does feed into our fears. I am going to try and get out more when this happens because I'm going to be afraid no matter where I am and being out makes me less afraid!
Hang in there honey- the Scan and knowledge are just around the corner.

You are in my prayers as well! I will be thinking of you, while you wait for results.

@merpreb Haven't posted for a while, but have been reading the posts. My CT scan--first one post the lobectomy is coming up this Tuesday. The doctor wanted the first CT scan six months after surgery. Anyway, here it is coming up and I am a basket case. I can put up a good front and do what needs to be done, but gosh inside I am flat scared. It is as I think of it simply the unknown. I FEEL like things will be good, but then doubt creeps in. A week after the CT scan I see my oncologist.
The cancer diagnosis was difficult along with the surgery to start with, but this CT scan has lurked in the back of my mind and lowly grown into outright fear. I notice that since the diagnosis and surgery, I've become more and more avoidant of social situations. I have always been shy, but now I would call it more like genuine Social Phobia. Talking about it helps some, but it all boils down to going to the imaging center and getting the thing done and the results known. I pray a lot, but have avoided my church community for a good while. I make excuses for avoiding attendance there and in other social situations. My anxiety level is high with the unknown of the CT scan results. I think it is the unknown that is so difficult. Already have lived a long time with depression and anxiety and have great help in that area with great therapists and necessary meds. So, I guess the thing to do is simply hang in there, pray, keep on reading the posts here, and get the darned thing over and the results known. That is how I'm coping right now. It is probably not the healthiest way, but it is what is happening now. I'm thankful that I've been connected with this group and find such support here. Thank all of you and know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

I am just beginning to meet people who are becoming some support to me.. One girl from the hospice centre who beat her cancer but lost most of her family members to cancer... calls me every few days.. we are going to a barbeque together tomorrow where the band that plays at the hospice centre will be playing... its at one of the band members camp ground... I also got our public library to start a cancer support group..first meeting will be Sep 11 and every month after that on every second Wednesday... so I am sure I will meet some others who will also be supportive... thanks for your input.. it's nice to hear from others who care 🙂

I agree with all of that but please make sure you have a support system, if you are keeping it from them, then they cannot support you. Being up beat is awesome but you also need to process the negative feelings and sometimes just having that one or two people that you can sit and complain and cry and laugh with makes all the difference in how you cope daily. We have an informal cancer group here that meets for dinner every couple weeks, just us girls usually 3 or 4, that we can process all the stuff, good and bad. We all have different cancers but we are all somewhat close in age. Without that, I think it would be harder to be upbeat day after day.

I have just started seeing a therapist at our Hospice Centre... the therapists at the cancer clinic were not all that helpful unfortunately. I do not think I can get my daughter to go ... she has a young son.. my only grandson 🙂 who is 8 yrs old and can be quite a handful.. she is very busy with all his activities... however, she is doing much better since I have been hiding my emotions from her... I learned alot from that message I had posted... it really helps to show strength and not weakness...
My immediate family... 4 sisters and my mom live about 1200 miles from me in the East Coast of Canada... my sisters know I have cancer, but I chose not to tell my mom, with suggestions from my sisters... I agreed not to tell her because it will weaken her and she is getting old.. it will not fix my cancer, so I agree she does not have to know...
what is really sad however is that I go to the east coast every year and did not go this year. I told my mom that we were really busy at work and that work asked me to cancel my vacation.. even though the doctor put me off of work since my Diagnosis in Dec 2018... I hate not being truthful to my mom, but I know God will forgive me because it is for a good reason. I did not go to visit this year because of the PVT blood clot I got in May... afraid the long drive will cause me to get another clot... the doctor did put me on eliquis for life...sigh...

Well this is certainly profound. Thanks again for sharing it.

@janlanderz how difficult it must be for both of you. Do you have a support group that you could both go to? Or a therapist? I, too, don’t tell my sons everything. I want them to get on with their lives and not worry about me. It’s tough. I’m really sorry you are going Thur this. Becky

auntieoakley.. I am so sorry for not remembering which book I got this from... I just wrote it down on a piece of paper as it had a message that I needed to read more than once in order to stay as strong as I can for myself as well as my family... I have read so many books since I was diagnosed it makes my head spin... lol... from diets to help beat cancer to hope to inspiring stories...

That is the most amazing thing I have read in a while, can you tell us who the author is? Thank you for sharing this!