Husband with esophageal cancer: Why do I blame myself for it?

Posted by faithmustardseed0424 @faithmustardseed0424, Mar 21 11:01am

My husband was diagnosed on 02/22 of this year. He has to get 4 rounds of chemo, then esphagectomy surgery. He is hoarse and has no appetite, but I told him he has to eat something. He is drinking Ensure and Boost. He was scheduled for Chemo on last Tuesday, but he had a port and temporary feeding tube put in so they pushed his chemo out until next Tuesday. Seems to me they are waiting to long to do anything, but we have to keep the faith. I have been praying and fasting. I loss my brother in January 2021, my sister in June 2023 and my mom in March 2024. My heart is hurting. Yesterday made 1 year of my mom passing. We have been together 32 years and married 11 years, praying for 11 plus years to come.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Esophageal Cancer Support Group.

faithmustardseed0424 | @faithmustardseed0424 | Mar 21 2:03pm

Why do I blame myself for him having it, was it something I could have done
to prevent it?

emersonmoon | @emersonmoon | Mar 22 11:51am

In reply to @faithmustardseed0424 "Why do I blame myself for him having it, was it something I could have done..." + (show)

My husband was diagnosed at the end of this past January. It’s a shocking thing that really shakes the foundations of your life. Like you, I’ve had thoughts about what I could have done to help prevent this, but my sister, who is a nurse, urged that these thoughts don’t help. We don’t really know why it happened. With my husband, I suspect GERD combined with his job (he’s a plumbing contractor) and I felt guilty over not better helping to tailor his diet to accommodate the acid reflux. I wondered if I could have done more and I felt guilty that the job which has supported us for 21 years could have made him sick. The best thing we can do now is love and encourage our partners. There’s a lot we can do to walk with this journey with them, among them having hope that happier times will be ahead, that we’ll have strength to get through this very difficult time, and that some joy will be found in the coming weeks and months in spite of how scary this all is. I’m new to this too, but feel free to message me if you need to vent.

stever1 | @stever1 | Mar 28 7:24am

Encourage him to get whatever calories he can. Eating is easier before chemo and before surgery (unless the tumor is causing blockage). Protein drinks are necessary, so he is doing good by consuming them. I like Orgain brand as it's healthier. It's a tough journey, but worth the fight. Prayers offered for him.

faithmustardseed0424 | @faithmustardseed0424 | Mar 28 9:47am

In reply to @stever1 "Encourage him to get whatever calories he can. Eating is easier before chemo and before surgery..." + (show)

Thank you so much, I will. Praying for you as well. How long was it before your surgery and are you alright now?

stever1 | @stever1 | Mar 28 4:16pm

Shelia, I was 2 weeks from diagnosis to chemo including multiple scans, exploratory lap, and port placement This was in August of 23. Surgery was Jan 24. Mets in Apr of 24. More chemo and liver resection in Jan of 24. Recovered now. Cancer free and living large. There is hope.

faithmustardseed0424 | @faithmustardseed0424 | Mar 28 5:14pm

In reply to @stever1 "Shelia, I was 2 weeks from diagnosis to chemo including multiple scans, exploratory lap, and port..." + (show)

Ok! Awesome! Can’t wait to hear those two words “C FREE”

faithmustardseed0424 | @faithmustardseed0424 | Mar 28 5:15pm

In reply to @stever1 "Shelia, I was 2 weeks from diagnosis to chemo including multiple scans, exploratory lap, and port..." + (show)

Not awesome that you had it, but awesome that you are “c free” and living large

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Apr 2 5:09pm

In reply to @faithmustardseed0424 "Why do I blame myself for him having it, was it something I could have done..." + (show)

@faithmustardseed0424, how is your huband doing? How are YOU doing?

lionsfan | @lionsfan | Apr 3 9:58am

I lost 30 plus pounds going through the esophogrctomy and following that, gastroparesis. I'm on the mend now and really like the Bolthouse Farms chocolate protein drink. Fairlife is another one that is good, but not as much protein. See if he likes them. They help a lot. I'm up 5 pounds from my low. I'm 6 months post-op and cancer free so far Good luck!